What do you do if a friend/family is crying in front of you?

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A blunt NT? You can get your revenge next time she asks you how she looks in a new dress.
Seriously, I think she'd do well to be a little more tactful.....if somebody called me cold and unable to relate, I'd feel like giving up. Where's the positivity? Where's the hope? Admittedly you put her on the spot, but it's an honour to be asked one's opinion about something so personal, I think. It doesn't seem to me like the kind of measured, nuanced statement that would convey the truth about a real person, though I don't know what else she said, so I shouldn't judge.

Still, I was silly enough to ask my l"aughing" girlfriend (on another occasion) "do you think I'm possessive?" and she said "yes, a little." My first reaction was "ouch!" My next reaction was "well, I guess I brought that on myself by asking." It was many hours later that I suddenly realised - she was the most possessive partner I'd ever had. Moreover, she never gave me any examples of my behaviour that she considered possessive, so there was nothing I could do with her idea except to feel that maybe I'd got something wrong with me - and with no specifics to examine, there was no way I could ever hope to fix it. I've long felt that if people can't explain exactly what their problem is, then they shouldn't criticise at all. Criticism plus vagueness equals abuse.


I suppose a male could always furtively slip his hand into his pocket and violently squeeze his own testicles, to rapidly wipe the grin off his face. Could then pretend the body language was empathic suffering.

Last edited by ToughDiamond on 08 Jun 2012, 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hate it when people cry too. I get extremely uncomfortable, especially when its a family member. I try to ask if I can help but its always "no". For funerals I just look down, it was really tough for my grandfather's death because he was a huge part of my life and I loved him and miss him but I just couldn't cry. I had to eventually force tears out and I felt so bad for having to fake cry, though later I talked to my mom and she said this was normal and that I didn't have to cry.

Its the worst when I'm in a situation with others crying where I'm suppose to cry too. I just look down and try to look as serious or pitiful as need be.

Get away from them as quickly as possible if I can. Negative emotions from others infect me. I don't like or want those distressing feelings.

Is there really a silly question for a scientist, though? Any piece of data is good data TD.



On this subject of laughting at the wrong time, I'm sure you've seen the autistic reporter? Though he was not laughing - the same bias for details - though?

Well, it was certainly food for thought. In hindsight I would have done well to ask exactly what I'd done that she felt was wrong, though it would probably have done no good - she was no scientist. Her style was to label for purely emotive reasons, as if the word "because" had no meaning to her.

No I haven't. What is it?

I stand there feeling very uncomfortable, usually look at the floor or look away, and try to leave as quickly as possible.

In this situation, I think they want a hand on their shoulder, but I never touch people because it may be someone who does not like sympathy expressed this way. I just lean forward and give as much eye-contact as possible, but I too feel uncomfortable, as I never know the right words to say.

I get very concerned and want to help. Even if it's someone I know but not well. I go up to them and put an arm around them, or both arms around them and pat them. I ask whats wrong, I listen. I tell them it's going to get better. I use pet names like honey and sweetie and baby. If it's family or a friend or even an acquaintance, I tell them I love them and ask what I can do to help.

If they want to talk about it, I listen. I really listen. I try to think of solutions and if I can't I say I can't but I'm always willing to offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and arms to hold them when they need it.

I tend to baby people when they are upset.

Depends on who is crying and why but generally I'll bring them some tissues and if I think they want comfort I'll quietly sit next to them and and not say anything (sitting across wouldn't work as watching someone else cry may make me cry or much worse laugh and the crying person probably doesn't want to be watched either). If they want to talk about it they will when they're ready, it's hard to talk when you're crying. If they look at you balefully they probably need a hug. Bringing them coffee or tea is also nice.

Sometimes put a hand on their shoulder or pat their back, look down, or give them a hug (only if they ask).

I do the same.

If there is a kleenex box nearby, I will grab it, and offer them a tissue. After that, I usually leave. If the person asks me to stay, I try to listen and keep quiet.

Crying must be a selling point in TV shows 'cos you sure see it a lot. I like some of the procedural crime dramas - Criminal Minds, CSI NY, Law & Order SVU, and Flashpoint. Flashpoint, though, can work on my nerves because their unsubs are weak. They cry all the time! Arrghh! I just feel like turning the station whenever they start that weeping business. If I had a nickel for every time people cried on these TV shows I'd be dining with Warren Buffet every day.

First of all I'm incredibly shocked. It seems like when people break down enough to cry I had no idea it was coming. But once they've reached that point I do feel pretty bad for them and I've found I can be surprisingly comforting and tender when someone close to me needs me to be. I really don't like that sort of stuff, being all touchy feely but it's good to know I can do it when people need me to.

I never know what to say/ do when that happens. I usually just look down and say nothing. I have no idea how to console someone when they're crying.

In the past I would attempt to comfort them by coming up with a solution to whatever problem they had. That doesn't generally work though so I usually just sit there awkwardly.

I just give them a hug and a tap on the back.