NT language

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So if manipulation is a societal norm, then it's not manipulation? It doesn't matter if you're an NT or an Aspie - a LOT of people have passive-aggressive tendencies. But whereas an NT can be guilted by it, at least as an Aspie, that small communication problem we have to deal with forces the manipulator to look at their behavior - if we call them out on it. I believe that manipulation is at play even if the manipulator doesn't realize they're doing it, or the victim doesn't realize it happened. There doesn't have to be a realized 'intent' on either side. If you explain to the 'victim' how they were manipulated, they would see it. Ignorance = bliss. If you were raised in a society that believed the world was flat, you'd have a hard time fathoming it was round. So is the case in every situation like the OP's.

Now don't get me wrong - this isn't some kind of demonized version of manipulation. Don't picture Ursula from the Little Mermaid, or like... Martha Stewart. This is more of a passive-aggressive issue. The manipulator isn't 'evil' unless they become aware of their behavior and continue to do it anyway.



Is her name Peg? ...*sigh* ...did she remarry? I'm sorry....

IMO, yes. What's so hard about that?



It's game-playing. To this day, I still see no reason for it. Period. I know that's "how society works", blah, blah, blah, but that still doesn't make it "right."



I'm still wondering why he couldn't just say it. Sorry--I just don't like games.

Well, I did. And I can say that foreign NT people have serious troubles (at the beginning) to perceive how it works. They feel like people are not polite when they express any statement or demand, and they answer accordingly. Of course, that creates very similar missunderstunding to the ones AS <<>> NT communications.

Funny thing is everybody blames each other. Spanish people say that foreign people don't know the culture, and foreign people say that spanish ones are unpolite. It's very interesting since you can observe a NT reaction inside a context where they don't have the needed skills to interpret a message.



Of course there's a context. But if there is some information in the context that allows you to translate/complete the message, then this person is not expecting you to read a mind, but to consider the context. I talked before about polite formulas and non verbal language. They're context. There's history, too. Yeap, of course, I forgot. This is context too. And perhaps I'm forgotting another source of context info. But at the end there's some info in the context (no matter is non verbal, politeness, history or whatever). So you're expecting the other person to read the context, not the mind. This is not the same. You're expecting something that is reasonable. It could happen that the person is an aspie and don't have the skills. But this is different of expecting somebody to read a mind, that needs some kind of skills that only appear in scifi movies.

And expecting somebody to read a mind is a mental issue and shows lack of maturity. And yeap, it happens a lot, but no matter that, it keeps being a mental issue. It's a very frequent NT mistake to mix 'to be usual' with 'to be right'. Women that are very keen of romances and romantic comedies can have this issue.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film ... tists.html - The psychologists found that fans of films such as You've Got Mail, The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping, often fail to communicate with their partners effectively, with many holding the view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you needing to tell them.

My goal isn't to blame anybody, nor to be right. In life, I just want to take responsibility for my part. I was offering a possible way to accomplish that end and maybe gain some understanding of what the other person was doing.
I've been in foreign a culture and experienced the embarrassment of getting on a school bus when I was looking for the metro. There was context, I just missed some of the signals. Mistakes are made and signals are missed. Still, evaluating a situation step by step should allow you to make an informed decision.

Lol! I'm not into romantic comedies. I like science fiction, action films (Kung Fu preferably) my Netflix que consist of subtitled action films and I most recently watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Favorite movie is The Godfather. TV shows I am watching include Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad. What did the psychologists say about fans who like this kind of programming? Btw I have never seen any of the films mentioned.

And previously



I'm making one statement and arguing it. I was talking about how some kind of behaviour shows immaturity. I'm not suggesting that this behaviour applies to you since I don't know you and I don't know how you behave, so making any statement about your behaviour would be illogical. I just don't understand why, when I'm arguing a relation between irrational expectations and lack of maturity, you're answering 'Hey, I don't'.

God. I'm feeling like when I argue about politics in 'normal' forums and I have to reexplain the same again and again. Why is it so difficult for NT people to listen something without garnishing it with any kind of personal emotions or additional unstated arguments?

My older sister is the same way with me it gets on my nerves and tends to drive my anxiety way up my parents are like this with me too gah!! !

This was to be funny. Just plugging the stuff I like!



sounds like an exciting new thread. One of which you can start.



You'll learn to ignore it. If you don't you'll be a ball of anxiety! I know some people that try to guilt, manipulate or whatever you want to call it, me into doing things and I don't let them get to me. They'll get over it. Sometimes protecting your own sanity is more important.