Page 3 of 4 [ 60 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

kx250rider
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,140
Location: Dallas, TX & Somis, CA

09 Jul 2012, 11:37 am

I have no relatives, but I did love the few I had, when they were still living. (Not a pity call here; just happens to be the case). I do not believe there is any obligation for unconditional love for anyone; relatives or others. All forms of love must be two-way, and when a relative does not love you back, you are putting yourself in a bad position when you love them unconditionally. You can still respect them, and you must remain civil with them while keeping an emotional distance, or you might alienate others in the family. It's a tough situation. But again: A direct answer to the OP's question, is NO you do not automatically have to love anyone under any circumstances, except yourself (in a healthy, non-narcissistic way).

Charles



AJCoyne
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 416
Location: England

09 Jul 2012, 11:50 am

I never loved my father. Even when we has a good person. I also judge people as individuals rather than loving unconditionally.



Brandin
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

09 Jul 2012, 11:53 am

I used to be much closer to my family as a little kid. I grew up, though, and stuff happened, so that today I find myself almost a stranger in my own home. As a kid, I never realized the follies and neglects of my parents, nor did I really understand consciously that there was much difference between us. I used to feel for them a great deal more than I do now; what does remain is simply a memory of past affection that causes me sometimes to feel overwhelming sympathy and pity for them; but alas, all that is the past. Now, as I'm striking out on my own and attempting to form a shaky independence, I comprehend how truly little bound us together except for that feeling. Because that's gone, I feel much like an alien who's never truly had a home or parents. And sometimes, I feel as if I always knew this at some level, but that it only surfaced in understanding over the past few years.



Dizzee
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 258
Location: Post-Soviet states

09 Jul 2012, 12:08 pm

Only my sister, she was always nice to me, but I don't love my parents and brother.


_________________
You're so f*****g special
I wish I was special


corvuscorax
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 266
Location: Pontiac, MI

09 Jul 2012, 12:34 pm

I love both of my parents but it is a sort of distant love - I require a lot of distance from most people (bar two of my best friends) and can't spend too much time with them or else I get bored or frustrated.

I try to make it up for them every way I can though. I worry about them a lot and I worry that I'm not doing enough to help support their needs too. I'm very self conscious so I try to make sure that both of my parents know that I respect them, so even if I can't spend a lot of time with them (I hate it when my mom forces me to spend time with her to "open me up") I try to make sure they know that I really care about their well being.


_________________
IQ:134
AspieQuiz Score: 159
AQ: 43
"Don't be That One Aspie..."


howzat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,802
Location: Hornsey North London

09 Jul 2012, 1:45 pm

I wouldn't use the word love however i do like my mum unfortunately my dad passed away but liked him as well however my sister is a bully and my relatives are elitist.



david292
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

23 Jul 2012, 6:03 pm

I dont know, The only one I can say I love is my grandad



KnarlyDUDE09
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Oct 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 685
Location: Manchester, UK

23 Jul 2012, 7:11 pm

My family love me, so there's no reason why I wouldn't love them back. Besides, they're (my immediate family) the only people I feel more comfortable around...plus, most of them have taken care of me some time or another.



Matt62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,230

23 Jul 2012, 7:17 pm

Not all of them and some that I have been on good terms have passed away. My uncle who was as different from me as could be, yet understood more about my frustrations than any other member of the clan passed from Diabetes complications/kidney failur in 2005. Him I had great respect for, though I always disliked his lifestyle... Material & tended to flaunt it.
I am estranged rom over 50% of my family on my Father's side.
My mother? Wll that is complicated. Love, hate, much ambivalence. Not a really good person who caused a LOT of pain in my life. And tends towards extreme selfishness.
My cousins are just too different from me, I was close to one but he has become way to involved with fundementalism (Evangelical Christ.) for me.
Mixed bag!

Sincerely,
Matthew



Steven_Tyler77
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 209
Location: Romania

23 Jul 2012, 7:34 pm

Yes, I love my father, my aunt and my grandma. I feel for them deeply, even when we fight. I also loved my mum, my other grandma and my two granddads (they're gone). But I cannpt say I love my other aunt and uncle, who live in another town and have only had limited contact with me my childhood. I like them and I'm sorry life didn't allow us to grow closer, now it's too late for that, but I do enjoy interacting with them when I visit my father's hometown...

The only way I love is unconditional love. Even if people I love let me down badly and I decide to cut all contact with them, I will still care for them. I can feel love towards people, even when I'm terribly angry with them...


_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD :)

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.


jetbuilder
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,172

23 Jul 2012, 7:35 pm

With the exception of my oldest brother and all of my nieces and nephews, I don't feel particularly close to my family.It's kinda hard to explain. I do love them but at the same time I don't feel a strong connection to them.


_________________
Standing on the fringes of life... offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.
---- Stephen Chbosky
ASD Diagnosis on 7-17-14
My Tumblr: http://jetbuilder.tumblr.com/


Cogs
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 852

23 Jul 2012, 8:47 pm

PixelPony wrote:
For me, family are people to love or not on their own merits. DNA similarity doesn't give them a free pass. This means I'm not really on great terms with most of my family, but that's fine with me. It's awkward being around them anyway.

^this


_________________
No one will tell me who and what I am and can be.


namaste
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,365
Location: Hindustan

28 Oct 2012, 6:07 am

I was beaten up on daily basis by my alcoholic father, saddistic mother and narcissistic brother.
None of my relatives were bothered about my condition then
All used to mock at me, avoid me and make fun of me.
When my marriage was fixed they all wanted to see the fun.....they came rushing in just to see
how my hubby and inlaws would treat me.
when i actually needed them they were invisible and later they showed up
One thing i noticed that only during weddings and funeral do relatives show up
In my case i dont blame them since they found me weird, depressed they tend to avoid me
right from childhood.
And now even i started avoiding them by not calling them up, not attending social do's nor
interacting with them.

The final thread as been cut off with all the two faced relatives. :twisted:
I just sit in my house, mind my business


_________________
The only thing right in this wrong world is
WRONG PLANET


y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,676
Location: Canada

28 Oct 2012, 7:03 am

I don't love anyone just because they're related to me. Not even my babies. The feelings have to be slowly developed and maintained. Love is a fleeting and delicate thing for me, though I'm pretty loyal to my family and friends, and it takes a lot of abuse for me to give up on someone.

I'm a lot more connected with DH's aunts, uncles and cousins than mine, because they're kind people who actively try to maintain good relationship. My aunts, uncles and cousins have nothing to do with me. Never called each other or sent a greeting card. I know they exist and that's about it.

*I also don't respect anyone due to their age, power or wealth, respect is slowly earned as well. Although I would pretend to respect them of course. Don't want too much trouble.


_________________
AQ score: 44
Aspie mom to two autistic sons (21 & 20 )


b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

28 Oct 2012, 7:32 am

every living being on the earth is my relative.
i "love" by default, but i am very easily disillusioned.



Surfman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Aug 2010
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,938
Location: Homeward bound

28 Oct 2012, 8:15 am

I was given lots of junk food every day.
I watched TV 2-6 hours of every day
Had a mouth full of mercury before I was 15yrs old
Plus the start of low level chronic disease



Last edited by Surfman on 28 Oct 2012, 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.