It's Not the Punishment

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Also, League_Girl, I think we're using different definitions. I don't see kicking someone out of your house for smoking in it as treating them like a child. It's a reasonable way to treat an adult who refuses to respect your property and personal boundaries.

It's a classic misunderstanding that Aspies are lazy. Not saying we can't be, but we often get called that because of misunderstandings and (I think) because of a common mainstream attitude that seems to look for and exaggerage laziness in anybody who won't do as they're told.....i.e. a cloak for control freakery.

Someone on this forum once said that a relative of theirs who was a nurse said that when you see laziness, it's almost certainly a diagnosable problem. Someone on an ADD forum I read said that laziness is supposed to be relaxing or fun, but ADHD is just stressful.

I think sometimes people are lazy, but I think if someone seems to be lazy all the time, or even just a lot of the time, they're probably in need of help of some kind.

I know some of my family members think I'm lazy. Except that I have to deal with: Autistic inertia and the indecision discussed in another thread, executive dysfunction from ADHD, currently intermittent depression causing apathy and lack of energy, and fibromyalgia causing pain and fatigue. Taking a bath earlier tonight almost completely wiped me out just from that last one alone, never mind nearly forgetting to rinse the conditioner out of my hair...again.

When I won't do things sometimes my mother calls me "lazy" or "chicken".

There have been some going ons in the house. The middle child, at nineteen, with AS and a mood disorder has not been a very good child. He ran a large overcharge phone bill and used all the family shared minutes, dad cut off his phone line. The middle child hasn't gone to college in 8 months now, dad sold his car, shut off his phone line, and the middle child continues doing the same crap. Talking in the middle of the night, playing video games all day and not helping out. My dad had a staycation this week from Thursday to today Monday. I don't particular like getting involved with his GF and him; so I have been hiding in my bedroom and haven't been doing much of the chores because they both get on it faster than I can. As stated I have also been hiding from them for a while now too. Three days is my max limit for them to be here, with both of them being here I didn't even have time to relax my mind.

I was particularly annoyed the day I wrote this thread because I had been working almost all week and had no time to myself. On Tuesday doing data entry work, on Wednesday it was planning for an event on Saturday, on Thursday busy working at home with a personal project that required a lot of people, Friday help setting up for Saturdays event, Saturday from 10am to nearly 6pm I was working with customers, lead a public tour to see the wild life of the area they live, dealt with children, I was extremely overloaded. Came home, passed out, woke up, had dinner, slept again.

Sunday I wanted to relax and recharge my battery and the very thing that I realize when I wake up is the internet is out and I'm being forced to clean stuff, even though I am so mentally exhausted from everything. So I wrote this thread out of frustration. I don't like being punished for what other people are doing. And I don't like people assuming I'm lazy. And I don't like not being told that its going off. And I don't like my routine being ruined, especially when I'm tired and require a recharge.

I am sure I come off as lazy but I just need to be told what to do and be directed. I work better that way.

Maybe. I seem to believe anything(I don't meany literally anything) people tell me. I bet if someone told me I was their fake friend, I would probably believe them too even though I may not see myself as such. I learned two years ago that being someone's friend and then finding out they are not great people so you dump them was pretending to be their friend. I thought that was so absurd. This was online of course that it happened. I still don't believe it but I believe that person thinks that and to me that is so stupid. So I thought I was treating my husband like a child for real because he told me I was but maybe it was just his own perception. I feel my own mother is treating me like a child when she tells me how I should live my life or tells me what to eat. Same as my husband when he tells me to do this or that but yet I am less annoyed at him when he does it but my own mother, it annoys me.

I do as well. But my dad seems to think that I don't like him talking directly. We had a bit of a fight a month back where he was upset that I dimissed him about a water bottle. But he didn't directly tell me, I felt dismissed by your actions he simply gave me "How long are you going to continue to break my heart?". I didn't know that's what he was saying.

When I told him, "I need you to be more direct with certain things,"

He replies, "I don't think you want me to be more direct,"

I said, "I think it would help,"

He replies, "So you would like, Get that f*****g water bottle off your f*****g floor now?! Or clean your f*****g room god damn room?!"

So now I know what direct means in my dads eye. Yelling at me like my mother use to yell at me. Our biological mother was abusive emotionally and physically.

That isn't even what I mean by direct. How hard is it, without the cursing and the yelling? To just say

"There is a water bottle on your floor"

Dad seems to think that he doesn't need to tell me this. He also seems to think because I'm an adult I should notice. He also says when he's at work he doesn't have bottles on the floor. But there is a difference between my bedroom and his work office.

Or how hard is it to say

"Can you take a break from what you're doing and clean up your bedroom or I'd like you to clean your bedroom,"

Not sit there and call me a pig or that I am lazy, etc. And again how hard is it to say

"I felt you dimissed me, and that upset me,"

Instead of boiling it in a pot for days till we have a major upset. Also in his eyes I'm not allowed to leave situations. It's considering running away. When he initially brought up the water bottle thing, he brought it up because of my laundry. I got very upset. I needed to fume and get my mind in the clear. Dad shuts off the internet, and says I can't have it because I ranaway from the situation. This was a month or so a go. He says in the real world he wouldn't be able to leave if his boss upset him, so because I left I was being immature and running away.

There just hasn't been a lot of er upset to the balance recently.

Actually he could do precisely that, and people do, when they don't have obligations to anyone but themselves. Perhaps that's even the heart of the issue, who knows.

But he needs his job to pay the bills and all that. He says it's running away from responsibility.