The Stigma Of The A Word

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Well yeah I don't try to be normal so I agree with all that.

I agree with you, but again, I think you missed the point. It's not so much about mainstream society as a whole, but rather the individuals who make up this society.

You might say, "well, the kids at my school are jerks, but in the real world, things will get better."

Then as an adult, you might say, "the people at this job are jerks, maybe at the next one, the people will be better."

It's not society as a whole, but rather how in any given situation you're going to most likely be the odd one out, or rather, you'll never be able to interact and engage with them the way they do with each other. And even if you write them off as jerks, it'll just be more of the same at the next location. That's what I mean by being out-of-step.



And I think this is point the OP was getting at. That there's really no place where you'll be able to do this the way others naturally do with one another. That virtually in any group situation, regardless of location, you're a "weirdo" among neurotypicals.

I wouldn't want to rearrange myself to suit them either. I don't think it's even possible if we wanted to. But it's the realization that this is pretty much what the world is, and the ideal of finding people I'll naturally connect with doesn't exist.

I don't see why I wouldn't be able to connect with anyone simply because I don't connect with most people.

I don't feel anything about not fitting in naturally with other people or not being to interact with other people in the ways of other people. It doesn't bother me at all. I would not have thought of it if it had not been mentioned.

You're ability to connect with some exists, but it'll usually be far and few between, with a lot of riff-raff in the middle. To you, and most of us, it's harder to find these needles in a haystack. Moreover, in any given environment, there is a greater propensity for us not only to fail to connect but to be the odd ones out.

It's not about being accepted or approved by those who reject us. Rather, it's the realization that our ability to connect is greatly diminished, and our propensity to be on the outs is greatly amplified compared to most others.

NTs have these problems too, but not to the degree that we do. That's the realization we have to come to, and it will be ever present throughout our lives.

I find I don't need anything more than "few and far between". I'm not looking to make friends with the whole world, just with one or two people that I get along well with. I don't need more than that; like most autistics, I'm an introvert. I can go for quite a while without any friends at all, especially if I'm not blocked from sharing ideas, like I do with my professors in class or here at WP. I don't see the point of bemoaning not being able to connect with most people--it would be like saying, "I have enough food to eat, but I will complain that I don't have even more food than that." I can find people that I can connect with--why should I be sad that I can't connect with the majority, if the minority is enough? If I had a lot of friends, I'd just burn out from all the social interaction. Yesterday I literally got sick because I spent more time than was wise interacting with other people--I don't want more of that. I want to interact with people in small groups, for small amounts of time. And my ability to connect with people is up to that task, despite its being average among autistics and way below the NT average.

Well yeah I am aware NTs do not have the same problems people with autism have.......I already realize all of this.

Sorry, for the great unwashed, Autism=mentally/socially ret*d. It's kids banging their heads on the floor, screaming and wearing a diaper.

Fior told his relatives he was diagnosed as Autistic, which is true, since the DSM has lumped everything into a spectrum now. His relatives called ME, wondering if Fior had lost his mind. Autism is non verbal kids that smear poop and bite their hands, per his mom.

Le Sigh.

I just say Asperger if I'm really must say anything to folks not familiar with spectrum issues. Joe Critter Six Pack "gets" Asperger Syndrome. It Does Not Compute for Joe, when a man can talk about Higgs Bosons, says he has Autism. Joe is thinking a kid with a helmet.

And I don't have the energy or patience to explain the reworkings of the DSM to Joe Critter.

I feel like society gave us this stigma, but isn't doing much to help and furthermore they aren't even interesting in asking us what we think about it. Some people even get pissed off if you try to argue with them or redefine it -as though they should get a say in what autism means to us as indeviduals on the spectrum. 'What do you mean you're okay with being autistic? How can you possibly think you aren't disabled or that you don't want to be 'fixed'? You're too high functioning for your opinion to matter'

Yes, and as you recall, this was response to your misunderstanding what the OP was saying.

what misunderstanding of what the OP was saying? not sure what you mean...maybe i was the one being misunderstood because i was never agruing against any of that.

In my youth, you could "pick up" the taint of "ret*d" or "Weird" if you expressed sympathy for some one obviously different. Society had a lot to answer back then..
However, my difficulties did not just exist because of bullies ( though at the time it was tempting" to think so..) but because I was "not geting it" and was unaware. It took me until college to realize I simply had no idea what body language meant or why I had so many difficulties with the opposite sex. Which meant, in the early 1980s, I was labeled "Gay" which is what they called you if you did not fit the mold. If you want a stigma, there was nothing worse than that one!
Interestingly, I was called a kid baby & todler because I was very quiet, where as my NT sister screamed, cried, & acted like a normal baby. I did not get in a lot of trouble later, other than I could get caught up in watching something & lose track of time, and I had an intense desire to take things apart, inculding the inside door of our VW microbus!

Sincerely,
Matthew

To clarify, I never said you were arguing against any of that. I'm saying you missed that in the first place. That's the point the OP was trying to make, but you seemed to think he was saying something like "oh no, I want the people who reject me to all like me," because that's how you replied to it.

It was a simple misunderstanding, misinterpretation on your part. No big deal.

My sentiment exactly!! No matter how good I get at reading tone of voice, body language, context and other messages not in the words, if I have zero interests in common with a given person, then any non-business social interaction with that person will only ever be a chore for me. We'll bore each other to death, and neither of us would be at fault.

Which is why I am, to some extent, seeking a rare breed of people to be friends with - and that will never go away.

It feels cool to be a ret*d.

I really don't think the stigma is going to go away if everyone runs away from the autism label. Surely working to change attitudes would be more effective?

Actually, no. It was fairly obvious to me that I was different.



I'm not depressed, and I avoid socialising because it's boring. I could tell long before the bullying really started that the other children were better at socialising than me: it was a simple matter of noticing who was playing with each other (them) and who wasn't, and didn't see the point (me).
My anxiety has good reasons behind it (my brain would try the patience of a saint) and anyway isn't social anxiety.

I'm perfectly happy with admitting that I have a form of autism. I accept that I'm disabled, and I'm not ashamed of it. It doesn't make me a bad person.





So what would you rather be seen as? Lazy? Rude? Having a whole bunch of character flaws? Stoned? These are just some of the labels given to people before their Asperger's is recognised (and sometimes after, because people really don't get it for the most part).



I had the same thing when I realised "These difficulties aren't going away. I'm not going to grow out of them".



Yes, this is what it was like for me. Except I'm not 47.



And?

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