Can you tell if someone is bored when you're talking to them

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hanyo
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06 Aug 2012, 8:09 am

I can't tell. If I even noticed any of the signs listed I could easily attribute them to something else since I might do these things when I'm not bored.



crookedfingers
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06 Aug 2012, 8:23 am

I can't, and normally when I get about 2 sentences in, people (even those close to me!) will walk off and talk to someone else.

When I call people on it, there are 3 reactions that I get,
1. they give me some rubbish about not realising I was talking to them (even if it was one-to-one with eye contact) and apologise, even listen to me repeat what I was saying before (by the end of which they realise that what I was saying was relevant, they never seem to learn, though)

2. same as above, only they do not listen to me afterward, instead saying that they will listen layer (they never do) leaving me feeling undervalued and patronised.

3. Others get offended and very defensive about me 'interrupting' their current conversation, despite their rudely walking off a few seconds before without a word or excuse.

I think that part of the problem may be that my mind makes connections between ideas and subjects that theirs don't, and they think I'm changing the subject when I'm not.
They are not interested in this 'new subject' but I don't think I changed the subject so I do not realise their heads have gone elsewhere and they are not listening, until they walk off.

I've learned to accept it if they apologise and listen, even though it is annoying, it is the only way I seem to get anything across at times.



nrau
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06 Aug 2012, 11:30 am

crookedfingers wrote:
I can't, and normally when I get about 2 sentences in, people (even those close to me!) will walk off and talk to someone else.

When I call people on it, there are 3 reactions that I get,
1. they give me some rubbish about not realising I was talking to them (even if it was one-to-one with eye contact) and apologise, even listen to me repeat what I was saying before (by the end of which they realise that what I was saying was relevant, they never seem to learn, though)

2. same as above, only they do not listen to me afterward, instead saying that they will listen layer (they never do) leaving me feeling undervalued and patronised.

3. Others get offended and very defensive about me 'interrupting' their current conversation, despite their rudely walking off a few seconds before without a word or excuse.

I think that part of the problem may be that my mind makes connections between ideas and subjects that theirs don't, and they think I'm changing the subject when I'm not.
They are not interested in this 'new subject' but I don't think I changed the subject so I do not realise their heads have gone elsewhere and they are not listening, until they walk off.



Same here. I don't know what's up with 1. though. I can't figure it out. Well, not that I'm trying or anything.
But I do know your theory is not true.



lostgirl1986
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06 Aug 2012, 11:31 am

Yeah, usually. I usually notice this if their face moves off to the side, or they just don't seem interested or engaged in what I'm saying or they change the subject.



Nonperson
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06 Aug 2012, 11:41 am

I think I'm probably only picking up on it long after they actually started to be bored - like when they stop trying to be polite and start making their boredom obvious. I've had a few clues that this is the case. Because of that I err on the side of caution and then people think I don't talk enough. :(

I know when I was a kid I used to just go ahead and talk because I wanted to, and not really care whether they were bored or not.



CyborgUprising
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07 Aug 2012, 11:47 am

I simply assume if my jaws are flapping, they are bored. Nobody's interested in what I have to say, but that's fine by me. If I'm saying something to someone (especially at work), it's because it has to be said.



daydreamer84
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07 Aug 2012, 6:59 pm

nrau wrote:
daydreamer84 wrote:
When I get really into/exited about something that I'm talking about I just don't pay attention to other people for signs of boredom and consequently go on too long............with my mom and my close friend I'm like this. Apparently I often go on too long about things/ give too much detail. However when I'm paying attention I can tell by things like the person stops nodding, responding, asking questions about the topic , or the person was looking at me and now they're looking away/down. I didn't realize that changing the topic in a conversation could be a cue that someone's bored with twhat I'm saying until very recently........I always just thought the person had a poor attention span if they kept trying to change the subject in a conversation.....I'd make a joke/comment about how distractable they were (sometimes) but then always change the subject back. :oops:


I was like that when I was, like, 15
I'm sorta surprised that your environment didn't force self-consciousness on you yet.
Maybe you're stronger. Maybe you're lucky.


Well with most people I'm extremely awkward and self-conscious but with my mom (and with my one friend) I do get exited about things in conversations and forget to pay attention to social cues. With the friend sometimes I am awkward and self conscious though.....with my mom I hardly ever am.



FishStickNick
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08 Aug 2012, 3:19 am

I feel like this is one area where I know the signs on a cognitive level, but might miss the signs in practice because I'll get too wrapped up on whatever it is I'm thinking/talking about. I have gotten comments about my tendency to dwell on a topic, though...