Something should be done about screaming kids in public!

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League_Girl
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17 Aug 2012, 1:21 pm

lostgirl1986 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I don't like it when my kid scream so I try and do everything I can to keep him from screaming. That is something all parents should be doing. Hitting them won't do them any good because then they would just cry for getting hit and it would draw even more attention and also make the parent look bad, but they look bad nonetheless with their screaming child. Luckily he doesn't scream all that often and he only does it when bored or tired so that means time to leave. But sometimes I wonder if that is just going to teach him to do it whenever he wants to leave. I know that is an excuse or reason some parents use for their screaming kids to not remove them from the place.


Yeah, that's why when I'm in a situation like that when I do leave I get down to the child's level and talk to them to redirect their behaviour. "I don't like it when you run away from mummy and scream, it hurts my ears and everyone else and I get worried about you because I don't know where you are. That makes mummy very sad. When we get home you will go to time-out and think about what you've done." When they're showing good behaviour in public places I make sure I use positive reinforcement like "Good job! I like how you're standing beside mummy and using your listening ears and walking feet, that makes mummy very happy."

Of course it also depends on the child's age, if the child is an infant then obviously they wont be able to understand this but infants usually don't have that high pitched screeching tone that toddlers have and obviously they can't help it. Then again, I wouldn't bring an infant to a fancy restaurant or a cinema.



But small children in their early years don't have the cognitive ability to get punished later. Like you can't tell a two year old they are going to time out when you get home because by then they won't understand why they are being punished when you do it to them. That's what I have been told. Children that young have to be punished right after their behavior, not later or else they won't understand and not learn their lesson.


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lostgirl1986
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17 Aug 2012, 1:26 pm

League_Girl wrote:
lostgirl1986 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I don't like it when my kid scream so I try and do everything I can to keep him from screaming. That is something all parents should be doing. Hitting them won't do them any good because then they would just cry for getting hit and it would draw even more attention and also make the parent look bad, but they look bad nonetheless with their screaming child. Luckily he doesn't scream all that often and he only does it when bored or tired so that means time to leave. But sometimes I wonder if that is just going to teach him to do it whenever he wants to leave. I know that is an excuse or reason some parents use for their screaming kids to not remove them from the place.


Yeah, that's why when I'm in a situation like that when I do leave I get down to the child's level and talk to them to redirect their behaviour. "I don't like it when you run away from mummy and scream, it hurts my ears and everyone else and I get worried about you because I don't know where you are. That makes mummy very sad. When we get home you will go to time-out and think about what you've done." When they're showing good behaviour in public places I make sure I use positive reinforcement like "Good job! I like how you're standing beside mummy and using your listening ears and walking feet, that makes mummy very happy."

Of course it also depends on the child's age, if the child is an infant then obviously they wont be able to understand this but infants usually don't have that high pitched screeching tone that toddlers have and obviously they can't help it. Then again, I wouldn't bring an infant to a fancy restaurant or a cinema.



But small children in their early years don't have the cognitive ability to get punished later. Like you can't tell a two year old they are going to time out when you get home because by then they won't understand why they are being punished when you do it to them. That's what I have been told. Children that young have to be punished right after their behavior, not later or else they won't understand and not learn their lesson.


That's true but again, it's all about age appropriateness and what your child can understand and what they can't. Sometimes when they're really young you might only be able to take them aside and talk to them.



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17 Aug 2012, 1:31 pm

lostgirl1986 wrote:
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I know how you feel! In the newspaper it said something about a bus-driver not letting old people on the bus with their push-along trolleys because they take up too much room, but they never say anything to mothers who bring on gigantic buggys on that take up the whole room, can cause a hazard, and usually contains a screaming child what everybody's got to endure. Give me a little old lady with her trolley any day.

I know people can't help having unruly kids that rule the place, and I know we were all toddlers once, being carted around shopping centres and probably misbehaving, but that still doesn't stop me from resenting the noise of them. People just gaze at them and go, ''oh, it's only a baby, that's what they do'', but when a dog is barking and/or growling, I don't see many people gazing at them and doing, ''oh, it's only a dog, that's what they do.'' Instead they yell at the dog to stop, especially if it's the neighbours dog that won't stop.

I think there should be creche places where small kids under 4 can be taken care of while the mother is shopping. That would save on a lot of noise and room.


There should be and there are but not as nearly enough as there should be out there. I know the Ikea by my house has a play place for children while the parents shop and drop-in daycare centres are becoming more and more popular around here but there are still not enough.


Yes, Ikea does have places for little kids to play in while the parents shop - and when my mom and stepdad lived in Pennsylvania, there was a chain of supermarkets called Wegman's that had a place where the kids could hang out, too. I think some Giant Eagle supermarkets also have them. I remember that my mom always left my younger sisters there while she went to shop in the store.


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17 Aug 2012, 1:38 pm

Parents should shape up and be parents, by making their kids learn to be quiet in public.


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17 Aug 2012, 1:41 pm

lostgirl1986 wrote:
[b]Okay, I misinterpreted your post about the giving in but if parents give in just because of the pressure strangers give them then that is their own fault.


Then you admit that you are sending mixed messages: you want them to give in to stop the screaming so you don't have to listen to it, but you also don't want them to give in because you don't want them to be permissive. That's just a malicious and selfish attitude, and I think at this point I'm perfectly justified in not caring what someone with such an attitude thinks or wants.

lostgirl1986 wrote:
As I said again, if they don't then you really shouldn't be bringing your child to that place and as I said before there are certain places where I can kind of expect certain behaviours and even certain situations where I sympathize but there are other places that are not acceptable for tantrums and if your child is prone to them then you really shouldn't be bringing your child to those places.


Then the parent is shut in and the child never learns. Don't say you are sympathetic, because you obviously aren't.

lostgirl1986 wrote:
That's great that it worked for you after one or two times, that doesn't happen with everybody and I still don't think the public should have to put up with that depending on where you are.


If it doesn't happen with everyone that's all the more reason for you not to judge them as you do. Most parents can't simply leave their young children home, hire a nanny, or whatever it is you imagine they should be doing. If you can't take it, maybe you're the one who should stay home. Doesn't sound fair? Well, neither does what you're saying.

lostgirl1986 wrote:
Again, I misread that part but toughing out a child's tantrum in public. The issue is you're still having the public listen to your child when they shouldn't have to. It's one thing to be toughing it out at home, it's another thing to be doing it in public. I can sympathize in some situations but in others I don't see any excuse for it.


That's because you think there is a viable alternative. You're wrong. You're just another person without kids who thinks she's an expert on parenting when you obviously have no idea what you're talking about (and no, working with kids is not the same thing at all. You seem not to realize that dealing with kids is not a parent's job, but her life).

lostgirl1986 wrote:
That's true but again, it's all about age appropriateness and what your child can understand and what they can't. Sometimes when they're really young you might only be able to take them aside and talk to them.


ROFLMAO.

I really want to see you having a reasonable chat with a tantruming two-year-old. You obviously have no clue at all. No point in talking to you further, you've just confirmed that people who project disapproval to parents in public don't know anything and aren't worth thinking about.



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17 Aug 2012, 1:47 pm

Pondering wrote:
Parents should shape up and be parents, by making their kids learn to be quiet in public.


I just love how people seem to think that's a straightforward matter that could be accomplished without annoying a single stranger. How many kids do you have?



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17 Aug 2012, 2:27 pm

Nonperson wrote:
lostgirl1986 wrote:
Okay, I misinterpreted your post about the giving in but if parents give in just because of the pressure strangers give them then that is their own fault.


Then you admit that you are sending mixed messages: you want them to give in to stop the screaming so you don't have to listen to it, but you also don't want them to give in because you don't want them to be permissive. That's just a malicious and selfish attitude, and I think at this point I'm perfectly justified in not caring what someone with such an attitude thinks or wants.

lostgirl1986 wrote:
As I said again, if they don't then you really shouldn't be bringing your child to that place and as I said before there are certain places where I can kind of expect certain behaviours and even certain situations where I sympathize but there are other places that are not acceptable for tantrums and if your child is prone to them then you really shouldn't be bringing your child to those places.


Then the parent is shut in and the child never learns. Don't say you are sympathetic, because you obviously aren't.

lostgirl1986 wrote:
That's great that it worked for you after one or two times, that doesn't happen with everybody and I still don't think the public should have to put up with that depending on where you are.


If it doesn't happen with everyone that's all the more reason for you not to judge them as you do. Most parents can't simply leave their young children home, hire a nanny, or whatever it is you imagine they should be doing. If you can't take it, maybe you're the one who should stay home. Doesn't sound fair? Well, neither does what you're saying.

lostgirl1986 wrote:
Again, I misread that part but toughing out a child's tantrum in public. The issue is you're still having the public listen to your child when they shouldn't have to. It's one thing to be toughing it out at home, it's another thing to be doing it in public. I can sympathize in some situations but in others I don't see any excuse for it.


That's because you think there is a viable alternative. You're wrong. You're just another person without kids who thinks she's an expert on parenting when you obviously have no idea what you're talking about (and no, working with kids is not the same thing at all. You seem not to realize that dealing with kids is not a parent's job, but her life).

lostgirl1986 wrote:
That's true but again, it's all about age appropriateness and what your child can understand and what they can't. Sometimes when they're really young you might only be able to take them aside and talk to them.


ROFLMAO.

I really want to see you having a reasonable chat with a tantruming two-year-old. You obviously have no clue at all. No point in talking to you further, you've just confirmed that people who project disapproval to parents in public don't know anything and aren't worth thinking about.


:roll: Wow it's quite obvious that you can't have a discussion without getting defensive, uncompromising and all "I'm right about every single thing" attitude.

Okay. bottom line
-It's all about [b]communication
with your child, if you don't communicate with your child and teach them right and wrong then they'll never learn
-it's not malicious and selfish in teaching your child good manners, it's for their own good
-of course you're justified in not caring what I think, that's fine...this is a board where we're allowed to state our own opinions
-the parent and child wont be shut in because there are places that are perfectly acceptable to go with children and once your children do have the attitude stage nipped in the bud, you'll find that you can go to many other places with them....also there are babysitters and nannies out there and if you can't afford them then are are also family members and if you can't use any of these options then you need to accept the fact that you chose to have children and you may not get that freedom you once had anymore...it's not really about being fair, you chose to have children
-the child will eventually learn and you will be able to go to those places with them once you teach them proper guidance
-actually I am sympathetic in certain situations as I work with children and I can understand how sometimes the parents have no control in certain scenarios
-No, I am not a parent but I have worked with children for many years and still do and I've worked in a lot of different settings...I've been a daycare teacher, a preschool teacher, an educational assistant, home daycare caregiver and a nanny so I have more than enough experience with working with all kinds of children with different behaviours and if I ever do choose to have children I'll be using the same positive guidance right from the start, I also don't think I'm the expert on parenting or how to raise a child...it takes a village to raise a child. I do however have lots of previous experience on working with children who have behaviour problems
-trust me I've had more reasonable talks with children ages 1-12 than I can count



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17 Aug 2012, 2:42 pm

It'd be a miracle to have every single toddler in town to be as quiet as mice, but it's not impossible to try your best, as a parent, to make your kids behave appropriately in public. Sometimes bellowing at your child doesn't always help matters, it just shows you up and makes the child want to retaliate by screaming even more. But being too calm and just letting your child run riot is not a good way to go either, especially when the child is upto no good and then you suddenly got to pick it up before it gets into trouble and then it starts screaming because it's probably thinking, ''they normally let me do whatever they want, why aren't they letting me now?!'' But being in between calm and firm is the best way. May not help all children in the same way but it's better than overdoing it or underdoing it. My mum and dad were the type of parents that were between being calm and being firm. It's like, they were tough but fair, so it wasn't that common of me to have temper tantrums in public, and if I did, they used to trick me by walking away and saying, ''right I'm going to leave you there if you don't behave yourself'', which frightened me, and I immediately would stop crying and come running up to them, then they would say, ''good girl'', which made me think ''OK, I am doing the right thing then''. Kids like it when their parents say that, and I suppose I kind of learnt from that.


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17 Aug 2012, 4:42 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I know how you feel! In the newspaper it said something about a bus-driver not letting old people on the bus with their push-along trolleys because they take up too much room, but they never say anything to mothers who bring on gigantic buggys on that take up the whole room, can cause a hazard, and usually contains a screaming child what everybody's got to endure. Give me a little old lady with her trolley any day.

I know people can't help having unruly kids that rule the place, and I know we were all toddlers once, being carted around shopping centres and probably misbehaving, but that still doesn't stop me from resenting the noise of them. People just gaze at them and go, ''oh, it's only a baby, that's what they do'', but when a dog is barking and/or growling, I don't see many people gazing at them and doing, ''oh, it's only a dog, that's what they do.'' Instead they yell at the dog to stop, especially if it's the neighbours dog that won't stop.

I think there should be creche places where small kids under 4 can be taken care of while the mother is shopping. That would save on a lot of noise and room.


Dogs are more capable of understanding than babies are. I've read that the average dog has the intelligence of a 3-to-4-year-old child.
There used be be creche places like that in New Zealand; my mother left me in them a couple of times. I don't know if they still have them.


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17 Aug 2012, 7:42 pm

Nonperson wrote:
Pondering wrote:
Parents should shape up and be parents, by making their kids learn to be quiet in public.


I just love how people seem to think that's a straightforward matter that could be accomplished without annoying a single stranger. How many kids do you have?
I have none, but I have friends with kids who teach them right at a very young age. No the kids are not perfect and do get loud sometimes, but when their parents tell them to quiet down that is what they do.


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17 Aug 2012, 9:32 pm

54together wrote:
fallen_angel wrote:
It is absolutely not okay to harm children. Neither physically nor emotionally.


I believe a gentle 'smack' that doesn't leave a mark or injure the child is okay when a child is acting like a spoilt brat, throwing a temper tantrum over a toy or some sweets they can't have. Not with meltdowns, because that can't be helped. But yes with tantrums, because it's to get attention.

But I do agree with you. I see punishments like whacking a child, verbally abusing the child, and strangling the child like Homer does with Bart, as forms of child abuse.


My kid has aspergers. Smacking her when she is upset or having a tantrum will cause a meltdown. Before I knew she had AS we used corporal punishment when she appeared to be really misbehaving. Unfortunately, what we thought was "naughty" behavior was actually the autism. It's hard to tell the difference honestly. I feel horrible now because it accomplished nothing and scared the ever living crap out of her. I wouldn't advocate ANYONE spank their kid after our experience with it. Figure out something else. Give them a lollipop and then snatch it away if you must, don't smack or spank them.



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17 Aug 2012, 9:39 pm

my 3 year old niece is staying at my house, she was crying for almost an hour. I was on the verge of a meltdown when she stopped.



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17 Aug 2012, 9:59 pm

Kaelynn wrote:
I was at the mall today and two kids were screaming at the same time. One on the top floor and one on the bottom floor. I think both should have been whacked! Or at least asked to leave. Why should I get confronted for bringing a fully trained, well behaved service dog in yet no one cares about the screaming child? I don't like childern. Does any one else think some thing should be done about screaming kids in public?

What if they were autistic? Would you be more understanding? You never know.

All whacking a child does is make them be quiet in fear of getting a belting from their parents. That's not the way to go about it.

Or they can the opposite way.

Constantly yelling and punishing a child without telling them calmly why they are in trouble will just make them develop Oppositional Defiance Disorder which means they will they will just act out, argue and go against people about everything.
I should know. I got it.

However I think it's more common in autism and ADHD. Kids that don't understand why their behaviour is wrong.


Also, sometimes kids make a lot of noise when they're having fun. I was shown a video of this centre called Lollipops, a type of fun park for toddlers. It was so loud in there. I don't like the noise but I'm not going to go yell at a child or their parents for something that is only bothering me. I've also got my ear plugs.
Kids need to be taught manners but sometimes they just have a lot of energy and need to let it out. I still have all that energy at 26.

People should really clearly explain they hate the noise, not the child as parents can really take things personally. Some kids are really hard to control too. It's not always about parenting. Me and my sister were little rascals. We'd climb, crawl, run, act our scenes. We were just kids doing as kids do because we had very little responsibility, and I think it's important that kids have that.
My sister (another one) was complaining that our nephew wasn't given enough responsibility by his parents which is why he is so energetic. He's six! It's not parenting that made him that way but his genes. He's just like his dad.


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17 Aug 2012, 11:55 pm

Seeing that there are a multitude of adults who behave in ways I find irritating when I'm in public, I'm just going to start randomly smacking them all.

After all, the only thing that matters in public spaces is my personal comfort and it's not like smacking people is "assault" or anything.


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18 Aug 2012, 2:11 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
Seeing that there are a multitude of adults who behave in ways I find irritating when I'm in public, I'm just going to start randomly smacking them all.


Oh, you have no idea how I dream of doing just that.


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18 Aug 2012, 3:39 am

Getting really tired of parents telling me their rights to leave the house with their screaming children trump my rights to a peaceful trip to the mall, ride on the airplane, etc. Get over yourselves. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN, figure out how to control them. If you can't, work on it at home and when they can behave appropriately, take them out. When you have kids you lose some of your freedom and the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it. I try to be as tolerant as I can, but honestly I'm tired of having to fight not to meltdown because of the noise. Yes, I do use techniques and strategies already to minimize the noise and try and calm myself, but there are times when I just can't take it anymore. I really want to get up in the kids faces and start screaming at them and see how they like it. Kids can be quiet and kids can be taught good manners because I never behaved like the kids I see now, if I did I got a swat on the rear and removed from where ever we were. I turned out to be a pretty decent, nice, polite person (most of the time, I have my limits). Obviously a swat on the rear didn't kill me and it won't kill them.