Reasons why you don't like eye contact

Post Reply New Topic

It's just not natural for me. I never thought about eye contact or even realized I was doing anything different from everyone else until I was diagnosed (at 15). I tried maintaining eye contact out of curiosity a few times after I became aware of it and it was extremely uncomfortable. Almost like a "fight or flight" reaction.

I still don't attempt to make it or know why I would.

I just had an idea and tried making eye contact with myself when looking at a mirror, and even that felt unpleasant.

I look into my own eye's in the mirror ( obviously ) every day as I'm having one of my regular fantasy arguments / monologues.

In fact, as soon as I see my own eye's in the mirror, I'm off, gone into some other place for a few minutes.

eye contact is really "visual focal direction that matches a reciprocal set of eyes visual focal direction".

i do not look at peoples eyes because i am not interested in them and also they are dangerous places to look. when you look at a persons eyes, it is possible that they can develop a wildly inaccurate idea of your appraisal of them.


where ever i direct my attention, that place (with humans in it) becomes mildly paranoidly embraced in analyses of their positions with respect to how they think i view it. i really could not care less. i think i can go to sleep tonight with my electric blanket on only 2.

All the reasons you listed, but especially the second. It makes it really hard for me to focus on what they are, or I am, saying. It's trying to do two completely different things at once and it makes me lose track of the conversation. Also, it makes me feel naked.

The two most common here - that first, it is just way too intimate. There's a Douglas Coupland quote... ah, found it. It's from 'Hey Nostradamus!':

“Jason once told me that eye contact is the most intimacy two people can have -- forget sex -- because the optic nerve is technically an extension of the brain, and when two people look into each other's eyes, it's brain-to-brain.”

And that second, I can't concentrate on what's being said. I would suppose I'm attempting to process what I'm seeing as well as hearing (as yellowtamarin had it, multitasking), and the latter being quicker than the former, it's out of synch, and I end up taking nothing in.

I heard an Aspie saying one trick she has is to find a focal point on the bridge of the nose, but my worry there is, the bridge of the nose being both small and uninteresting, I end up looking 'through', as you do when you're not really focusing on anything, and that minutes may pass and I've just been staring at them in a weird, spaced out way. My preferred thing is to cock my right ear to them, facing down slightly, which likely gives the impression I have a hearing difficulty and am compensating for that, but at least it distracts from them wondering why I'm not making eye contact.

I feel the same as most of what has been said.
When I was a kid looking in peoples eyes would
some times give the uncontrolable need to laugh.
I also find it down right ceepy to look into some peoples eyes.

It just doesn't feel natural. When I meet someone's eyes, I suddenly get uncomfortable and look away. Then I over think stuff like where I'm looking and if the other person is wondering why I keep looking around at other things and not at them. I usually try and focus on their nose or mouth, but if we do meet eyes I lose concentration on the conversation.

Eye contact for me is like looking at someones naked soul.

And Considering most people aren't to appealing naked to begin with....

Also Eye contact is aggressive. There is a reason why people are advised not to look a grizzly bear, or rabid dog directly in the eyes. Eye contact makes most animals aggressive as all hell, and i don't think its any different with humans subconsciously.

But thats just my opinion....

Eye contact for me is like looking at someones naked soul.

And Considering most people aren't to appealing naked to begin with....

Also Eye contact is aggressive. There is a reason why people are advised not to look a grizzly bear, or rabid dog directly in the eyes. Eye contact makes most animals aggressive as all hell, and i don't think its any different with humans subconsciously.

But thats just my opinion....

Looking people in the eyes is only hard sometimes. Not always.

It is a form of intimacy that does not always seem appropriate

It used to be painful for me. Now it just feels really unnatural. When I look into another person's eyes, I react a lot differently than a neurotype. I get lost in the details of their face. I immediately try and guess what kind of person this is- their background, their religion, where they grew up. So it's very difficult to take in what they're saying. I do look people in the eye, but infrequently.

a) It makes me feel naked
b) it's pointless, I get no extra data
c) I hate it

I agree with the sentiment expressed:

-It's way too intimate, like staring straight into someone's soul and in turn having your innermost essence probed by them.

The notion that one should make eye contact all the time with complete strangers... well, I think everyone here understands, but if I were explaining it to someone completely off the spectrum, to add a humorous touch I would say it's like when the Sacha Baron Cohen character Borat insists on kissing strangers and asks them "can I touch your khram?"