All arguments that involve you being blamed on you-AS traits

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I became free the day I discovered this, a few years ago. The one who is right is the one with more power in the group, not the one who speaks the truth. It's all about who needs who more - and rarely they need the aspie.

This is why, when I see I'm in a group where the balance is very lopsided, I don't even bother to express an opinion, unless I know it's the same as the opinion of the one in power.

I feel like my parents do this to me, but i am a libra sun virgo moon scorpio rising so this could just be my virgo blowing it up all zoomy like out of proportion?
But, i never felt quite right as a child, when my mother was talking to me and I was afraid of what she would say. They do things that show me they love me, but... still.. they THEN do these OTHER things that confuse me about that. like not getting rid of the coffeee that stinks up the house and makes me psycho becuae I can't tolerate caffeine. they claim to love me, but won't do soemthing small for a person who lives in their house like getting rid of a health-issue food that the person cannot be around or consume.

Am I being a troll for needing them to comply with my wishes in this matter?

I never know What t othink, and I cannot move out just yet- i ahve no means, and am perpetually unsure ofwhat to do, I'm so numb I can't decide or think about this anymore- I just draw a blank. am 28, soon will be 29. don't know how to think about this any differently becuaes I have been thinking till I'm blue in the face without any real solution or resolution.

;( plus my dad is an aspie who sort of denies it and mom claims that telling dad I'm -mentally ill- is the only way to get through to him.

;- trollface. is this the kind of thing what yo umean in the quote i lsited here?

i kep asking this same bloody question over and over again, to no effect.

Didn't Einstein say that a definition of insantiy was doing teh same thing forever and expecting a different response? So, i don't wnat to do that... woah, at this rate I'm gonna have to post this as a question in another forum, becuase it got too long and verbose. I apologize, but I am sticking by this question till I figure this out.

unsure of what to do: me too.............I'm 27 and I finished my degree last year..............this year I'm not working....I'm just taking one course at university and hanging around......have yet to figure out a job I could actually do and then go about getting it (miserable failures in the past). I also live at home and am really dependant on my mom for everything (don't drive or cook etc.) Can your parents afford to send you to a counsellor to work out your options and what you want to/should do? This is what I'm trying now.

Yeah I agree, NTs can go around acting like your the one whos all to blame and just have the wrong type of understanding. But somehow we are always the one whos constantly at fault. My mom acts like that. She'll get on my case about the social stuff more then the rest of the family. For example, she'll get after my table manners way more often then say my dads. Even though sometimes my dad does not have the best table manners.

This happened to me a lot in the groups homes. Other kids weren't as smart and I would argue knowing I was right and I'd get in trouble with the staff.

okay, be warned; this is a stream of consciousness response. TMI IMMINENT.

wel, that;s the thing. my parents act strangely to me. my mother keeps on about how if i go on SSI i won't have insurance... i am unsure if she just -wants t oprotect me- or if it's something about herbeingabandoned. I imagine she tells herlsef it's just to protect me, but damn mom, it's MY LIFE here, not yours. atthe end of the day, we ARE ALL islands. but we can still build bridges, and her bridge just makes me want to gag because it's over there burning and half baked. and all black and gooey from misuse. but she would totally claim that about me. I sometimes feel like she is borderline or soemthign and uses my dad as her food and enabler. ( they were both conditioned to be like this during childhood, you cna see it al lthe way down the line in the way they talk about their parents. YIKES AND CRIMINY)or I could just be a troll, but i doubt it.

she does this thing where she comforts -me- when (unless I am having a meltdown, obviously) I am the calm one, and she claims that it's -okay- when I, again, am the calm one and she is freaking out from here to North China. SHe is the one who needs comforting _ i have not needed her comfort for along time, a;lthough in my lesser moments (moments of fog and illness) I would seek it, thnking it to be there without the strings that i percieve are always there, regardless), leading me again, to beleive, that she is the one wiht a major problem of the type I keep describing. I feel truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. i cna get no assistance, n matter WHAT angle I strain toward to see the sun. but i went on gfcf and paleo, and feel ten toimes better in the head, so maybe if I stay here and fight fight fight my parents for hwat I tink I need, now that am better, it will get.. I dunno... better? but she seems so unreasonable.

yet she calls me the unreasonable one, and gets dad in on it.

but I'm the crazy one, according to her. she even tells my aspie-and-in-denial-about-it dad that I am the mentally ill one, because in her words, it is the 'only way he'll understand'. riiiight. grand.

oh I am so sorry I almost forgot to answer your actual question! TMI MOMENT. al lthat was backstory so you cna understand where I feel I am.

okay, in response to your query:

well, i see a psychologist when we canm in her words, afford it, yet my parents refuse ot give up up certain foods that I feel would make it both easier on their budget and enable them to feel better, which did so for me. my mother goes on a loop where she eats soething, feels bad about it, says she won't do it again then gets more soon after. i have bettered myself by going on a mostly paleo/gf/cf diet, and BOY the change is remarkably. but, yep i still have really bad asperger's/adhd (upper 80 %for a female/cogdef/dyspraxia! so in essence, nope, can't show up to work today, still queer. (relax I'm mostly asexual or bi- no insult intended my pretties)

myparents areall like we love oy uand wnat the best for oyu, but tehy won't even give up the coffee that stinks up the house with the evil poison house-permeating scent of caffeine that makese me literally psycho/angry/violence-prone with allergic reaction. yeah, realll love right there.

she just sits there and eats cake... then throws the restof it away, saying she will nver get it again. then buys it again next week. maladaptive perfectionist, much? ANd plus, with her diabetes and other things, nooo, she can;t have asperger;s, she just has some undefinable generaly learning disability that she whines about but will never look up or attempt to help herself with by NOT EATING the RELEVANT GLUTEN ALLERGY-CROSS-REACTION-INDucING FOODS like coffee,/chocolate anytign wiht caffeine or caffeine-like stimulants and flour/rice/dairy/grain products! urk.
I changed myself because I rea;lized I had somethingwrong with me and tried to fix it. what does she do? who the hell knows?

THAT is my life. I cannot escape yet. my best bet, unless I can somehow get on SSI and the people who handle it for/with me aren't cthulhu-worshipping loons, WOOT. quick, shoot it before it breeds and confuses me agai nwith its evil spell of wordsmithing!

Wow, TARDIScompanion, I wish I even knew where to begin with all that. Lots of people think they'll change themselves by doing something extreme, swearing off it, then slipping and doing it again. Deprivation only causes craving. I've seen it with my own eyes. The diet industry makes a fortune off such ill-informed, desperate behavior, as companies trade customers the way slum lords trade tenants and properties.

The only thing I can think of is to try writing your mother a letter to explain your position about things like the smell of the coffee. I'd approach it as a need for her to work together with you in partnership. Maybe there's a compromise you could suggest, such as asking that the coffee be a morning thing, if they feel they need it, but to not have it hanging around all day. Maybe they could even make extra, put it in a jug, and microwave a cup now and then, whenever they want more over the course of the day. That would still have a smell, but it would be a lesser one. I can only hope that, by seeing that you're approaching this in a mature manner, your mother would come around to see your point of view a bit better. Try to be kind. She sounds like she has issues of her own, and if her habits are making it worse, well, you know how that feels yourself, right? I'd take things one at a time, reserving comments about her eating habits for a later occasion, if you really feel the need to address the matter. Just start with the coffee, for now.

I like a little coffee from time to time, but I get irritated if I have to smell it all day, every day, over a long period of time. I think there can at least be too much of a thing, even if a little isn't so bad. I hope you and your mother can work this one out, at least. If so, each small step could maybe pave the way to the next success. This is a difficult situation, so I know it will be tricky to resolve and take time. Good luck to you!! !

No offense but your sister sounds like a vile b***h who thinks her opinion is the only opinion.

I know firsthand aboutthe craving ofcaffeine, i used to drink coffee and eat chocolate ( I used to LOOOOOVe brownies, but no more sadly) until i realizd it was causing me problems. But my parents would maybe never do any of the things yo umentioned, they wouldn't see the point because it's THEIR HOUSE, see? omg. i have tried talking to them every which way, but they only PRETEND to comply and then i don't see much improvement in their behaviour. I will NOt be their mother. that's all my dad can say relaly, soemtimes, YOU AREN'T MY MOTHER, ike abroken record. um, kay. why in theworld would I want to be REMOTELY like his crazy train mama who's dead? no sirree bob. they say they wil lwork on their issues, but to My mind, one or the otoher ofhtem always sabotage it fo themselves and or the other person. it's annoying, becaise i KNOW that cutting those foods will help these two particular people of mine, and they just won't listen, no matter HOw i broach the subject. they either ridicule me about it or get downright vicious. and of course, my being a libra/virgo/scorpio can't help things. i know i keep saying that, but it;s true, i see a lot of things in that that fit me. i've explained to them the best way I can till I'm blue in the face. ye they kep asking me to, as if I haven't told them ten billiuon times already. obviously they are in denial.

I remember in year 11 at school when I kept getting in arguments with my friend, the teacher said it was because I kept talking about boys. I was confused, because I thought it was very typical of teenage girls to talk about boys. My mum said she talked about boys non-stop when she was aged between 12 and 18, and all the other girls in my year talked about boys so I don't see what the teacher meant.

But I didn't always lose in this sort of thing. When the teacher asked why one of the stupid girls was in a mood with me and the stupid girl said ''because she keeps touching my arm'' (which I KNEW was a lie because I know I haven't never been the type to keep touching people), the teacher actually looked at her funny and said, ''is that really something to get in a mood with someone about??'' Then I yelled, ''that isn't even true, I never touch her, she's just making it up just to have an excuse to not be friends with me.'' The teacher was on my side.

It's nice to win sometimes.

Well, i stopped caffeine and ritalin cold turkey when i started high school, or middle school, one of em. Becuae i realized it made me sick, so that helped. but yeah, i totally undrstand that some people can;t do that. I know i was INSANE during those years, while my body adjusted. but it helped get here, sO I'm grateful. i just wish everyone could be like me in taht respect, adn not delude themselves into hurting themselves more. But i know, i know. i just REALLY wish HARD that people can help themselves better.
it upsets me when they can't, or won't.

my parents' attitude is it's their house and i have to live here so there. They don't have to -answer- to me, as they call it. well, they do if i am forced to live with them and their eating =habits affect my mental health. the way i see it, my diet would only help them, because i am NEVER going off of it, becaue that would mean that psycho haze in which i never wish to dwell ever again. i see elemnts of it in them, li the confusion and things, but they keep one ear and out the othering it on the one hand , and on the other... ohfor god's sakes she just got up after huffing becaue i couldn't get her a piece of the freshly bought cake. oh for cryin out loud. fool woman. heal thyself. ;O

yes, joe, yes it is. heheheh. it is indeed. here's to us!

Okay so I guess the best thing to do is apply for SSI or disability (don't know if those are the same thing". I'm also applying for disability. I don't know if I'll be able to work or not........so far I've lost jobs easily..........fired after a couple weeks or months.......problems getting along with colleagues , problems multitasking and problems related to my learning disability. Maybe after you get disability you can have a counsellor help you figure out a way to move out (an affordable place you could move into etc). It seems like your life would be a lot easier if you could live on your own.

This is the kind of thing I was thinking of when I made the thread.

sorry for the wall, daydreamer! I have those moments, like all of us. damn impulse control disorders, they really get us soemtimes, huh?

good luck with your stuff, honey.

No that's okay.............II really don't care..............also I always derail threads...........I have to make them somehow relate to me...........so I go off topic to my own problems............we're all (okay not all but most of us) autistic here.

Also with the dietary stuff I don't really know what to say.....I have issues with my mom leaving certain foods out because of sensory issues.......the smells of canned tuna fish and cold cuts (some kind of preservative in it that I don't like) make me feel sick and lose my appetite. The thing is she should be able to choose what she wants to eat and when so I have no idea what to do about this.........I think if you can move out it's probably the best thing to do.............although I'm definitely not ready to be on my own yet and if you're not that makes sense to me.........don't push yourself until you're ready but it would get rid of this kind of daily conflict.

Last edited by daydreamer84 on 02 Oct 2012, 6:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.