Am I faking or is it just my anxiety talking?

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I don't think I've ever been obnoxious. I've always been scared of conflicts so I've always avoided them (still do). So even if I disagree with people I keep it to myself unless they specifically ask me about it. I think that has to do with social anxiety, not wanting to be in the centre of attention and the fear of being wrong.

I end up going between the two extremes. On the one hand, I have gone through times of avoiding conflict at all costs. On the other hand I don't like losing and will push it to the point of being obnoxious. Then again, everyone is different. When I am not depressed, I am not someone you want to argue with because I will rarely ever pick a fight that I don't know I will win ahead of time. I hate losing, so many times I will acquiesce to the other party if I know my point cannot be defended just so that I do not have to lose. However, I will remember what I learned from the conversation about the topic and what it tells me about that person for the next time we meet. In some cases, I will research the topic better so that if it comes up again, I am ready to counter their arguments and battle them successfully. It's sort of a Sun Tzu strategy I use. one of the things he teaches is to know your enemy and let him do all of the talking, all the while you take mental notes on what he says. It lets you gain a strategic upper hand in battle later. This is basically what the Japanese did in the 1950's and 60's with regard to auto production. They toured the major American and European auto factories with the blessing of the companies that ran them. The people leading the tours felt superior and leaked all their secrets. The Japanese then used what they learned to leapfrog their teachers and dominate the industry starting in the 1970's.

Sounds quite clever.

I like observing people. I like observing them and analysing what they do, why they do things, what they look like, some body language etc (without having to interact with them). Do you like that too?

I've recently been diagnosed with AS and I'm going through the same feelings of self doubt, especially since I asked for the diagnosis. I'd been obsessing about it for months beforehand and I can't help wondering if I somehow exaggerated at the diagnostic assessment and distorted my presentation. He seemed to decide fairly quickly that I have AS and then started concentrating on other problems, including depression. I've also been diagnosed with major depressive episode. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me is an expert in the field, and the difficulties I have faced throughout my life are very real, but I still can't help having doubts.

Well, obviously I'm right and you're wrong.

As stated by Mr Lennon, life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. There's not one person whose life has gone according to "the plan". It often looks like it has in retrospect, but that's only because you don't see all the obstacles a person had to overcome or simply live with.



Your worries are based on the unrealistic assumption that things will keep getting worse. The fact that you're struggling now does not mean you're incapable of completing your studies, it just means you need to spend more time than you thought initially on figuring out _how_ to do it. To call this "failure" is just silly, because it implies the possibility of never having to adjust to reality (which is an inherently immature assumption). Demanding that you "should" be a certain way is just as immature - you know that's not how the world works, so why do you still punish yourself based on statements like these?

Sometimes. So long as I'm not in the moment, I can figure people out quite well at this point in my life. One friend of mine (the one who said I was just an as*hole, not an aspie) admitted they enjoy discussing their problems with me because I can be dispassionate and analytical about them and they find that comforting. Sometimes people frustrate me because what they do is illogical and immoral and I just don't get their motivations. It always amazes me how many people step in the same pile of poop over and over again and are surprised each time that their foot somehow stinks. Humans are predictably illogical.

So far as avoidance goes, I can't say I do that. I don't consider other people to be superior to me so I don't see a reason not to interact when I have something to add. I will avoid people who seem to be from the criminal element, but that is more a matter of wisdom and prudence than anything to do with Asperger's. Then again, this is me as an adult. I have been working with people for nearly 15 years now as a pizza delivery driver and have had to learn how to think on my feet. For years I have experimented on customers with subtle things in order to gauge their reactions. In time, I have become quite good at it, even given that I don't do much eye contact. I have had to learn how to fake being friendly and outgoing in the short interactions I have in order to maximize my tips income. It has also put me in contact with all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds, so I have to be able to discern what I need to do to come off the right way. I wasn't always good at it though. At first, I was way too shy and made little effort to interact. At one point a customer told me how I came off and gave me a bit of a lecture about it. It wasn't mean or condescending, so I took it to heart and used what he said. I never took other people's feelings into account before that. I always thought nothing I did affected my tips. However, I was wrong, so I slowly taught myself to somewhat script the interactions better, and my tips improved.

Last edited by outofplace on 25 Oct 2012, 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't afford to "spend more time". That will put me in serious financial debt. Anyway, I guess I'm immature then

(I even feel bad for writing this but I don't know what else to say anymore.)

It feels like a lot is getting lost in translation here. I tried to say something empowering and instead it arrived as a put-down. I guess that goes to confirm my inability to communicate socially.

I didn't mean to say you're immature (as something that is inherent in you as a person), I said demanding things should be different than they are is immature (the way you treat yourself). I also could've called it unfair, which it is as well. My point was that you deserve better than that and that you could try to shift your perspective towards that idea.

I can imagine there may also be a way to handle the financial issues (other people have to do that as well, after all, otherwise no one would ever be able to recover from having to take a break due to illness or other life circumstances). You know your situation a lot better than I do, and I don't want to tell you your assessment is wrong (which was meant to be somewhat humorous, if expressed clumsily). But I also know from experience that it pays to look for alternatives and to make sure all your "I can't" / "x is impossible"-type beliefs are actually correct (personally I've found these beliefs to be wrong in many cases).

I'll shut up now because I feel like I'm becoming this weird hollow distortion of myself that I should not subject other people to.

Or it just confirms my tendency to misunderstand and take things personally. Sorry for misunderstanding.



Care to explain this because I don't think I really get it (I'm tired)?