Does anyone know how to do small talk?

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I always struggle with the question "what's up?". I hate that question a lot and get a little angry when someone asks me it. I either respond with, if it's a close friend then I sometimes say "the sky and ceiling, how ya feeling" which is something I heard someone say at my church a long time ago and thought it was pretty funny, or I just very awkwardly shrug my shoulders and say "nothing" which then makes the other person seem like they don't want to talk to me. To me that question is very stupid and I like it better when people just say "hey" or "how are you?"

Also "what's new?". I hate that one too because there are so many little obvious things that are new that I don't know what to say but "nothing" and as I've learned, people don't like it when you answer a question with just "nothing".

Small talk is just stupid, annoying, and usually completely pointless to me.

since i specialize in light subjects, i can chat with most folk about anything light 'cept for sports. if somebody says to me, "how's it going?" i usually respond with "oh, same old same old... how 'bout yourself?"

Yes, I'd say I can do it, but I can't do it effectively. If I can carry a conversation, even for a long time, and the person beside me doesn't find me entertaining enough, or charming enough, they just trail off and talk to other people.

i think that "small talk" is entry level conversation that never rises above a banal acknowledgement of a commonly agreed upon source of a basic interest.. without improving the quality of the understanding of realities based upon those interests by mutual investigations of unexplored aspects of those interests.

an obvious example is the weather. i was talking to a fish and chip shop owner yesterday and he was talking in a very "production line" way.

him: another cool summer's on it's way. (summer last year was very cool and wet, and this summer is looking to be similar)
me: it appears so.
him: and they talk about global warming.
me: who?
him: everyone.
me: well i was not talking about global warming.
him: you know what i mean.
me: sorry, i do not.

him: well whatever.. i want 20 boxes of chips and 2 bags of large potatoes.

me: it would be expected that global temperatures would drop at the beginning of a global warming event because the melting of previously sequestered ice will cool the oceans initially, and that seems to be happening but i do not think it is due to human activity.

him: yep!! ! 20 and 2 thanks. beep beep beep.....

it is ironic that "beep beep beep" is the censored version of my reaction to his astonishing ignorance and complacency.

whatever.
tomorrow is an "other" day.

I talked about quarks with a taxi driver once so don't lose your faith, these kind of small talks exist (sometimes).

yes well whatever.
thanks for reading what i said.

"same s**t different day" that's another good one, just say it with a smile so it doesn't seem like your life is pure ass.

I try to come up with small talk topics ahead of time and over time I build up a bunch of small talk topics which are different for each individual and each time of year. Breaking the ice always helps me. Like if I walk into work I'll be like "Geez! It's freezing out there!" and the small talk then comes from the other person. I still have to master it though and I need tips as well.

I also have some friends and family who don't make small talk. Also it can depend on culture. Our society is really big on small talk, and unfortunately in other countries even bigger. Then there are some cultures that don't do small talk. My In-laws are from a culture where small talk is just not their best communication. So I always have fun with them:)

why should everyone have knowledge of current events? intuitve thinkers care about understanding and the future not just any old s**t gossip that's happening at the moment. this is the sort of 'social skills' idea i hate. you don't need to talk about s**t... all people need is to relax their systemising brain and let their sensory brain come in so this changes your actual perception of people's visual to you and you feel what they feel and share an emotion. you do not need to change your whole interests and read about sport you hate... you don't need to the news full s**t endless depressing crimes commited by neurotypicals.

Well. I just learned that small talk existed. That was a bit of a shock I had always thought that people were just being annoying/boring because I tend to assume that when someone asks a question, they want an answer. Why would someone go out of their way to talk to me if they don't want a response? And if they do want a response, why on earth do the even care about what they're asking about? * frustrated* Who genuinely wants to know about my weekend? So I either give too long of a response (read rant) or I send the person an odd look with a one word reply and go back to whatever I'm doing.

My other problem with small talk is that I find it really hard to formulate responses while maintaining eye contact. It's too distracting to look at someone and think of the appropriate response to their question (that they don't even really want to hear the answer to). My responses always take just a little too long (if I can come up with one at all).

Um... Anyway. I'm trying to work on that and things like greeting other people. I've ordered a book on Small Talk because learning has helped me with most of my problems in life. I guess it's a step that I've identified it as an issue. Also, the advice on here seems really helpful so thanks for that.

It isn't necessary, but the OP asked how to do it!

You don't need small talk if you are powerful, rich, or famous.

But, as a practical matter, it takes less time for me to absorb what I need to know from the daily news than it takes to get dressed each day. I can polish off a newspaper in less than five minutes.

For the specific moment after someone says "Hello, how are you?" to you, and you respond with your emotional state, you have to give a comment about something from your day if you wish to begin small talk by yourself. Keep it short, so they don't have to talk if they don't want to, and add "How are you?" approximately one second after you finish, for politeness. If they do want to talk to you, they will make a remark about your comment.
If you're in the other position in this scenario, I have discovered that two main categories of things to be said exist:
Statements relating to you: Such as "I like [something they spoke about]" (maybe add "because [a reason why]" to keep the conversation going) and "I once heard about [thing connected to last sentence]/ had a [thing connected to last sentence]/ saw a [thing connected to last sentence]. These allow you to do a lot of talking and make the other person happy because they are learning new things, but you have to be careful that you do not talk for too long or else they will think you only care about yourself.
Questions relating to them: Look for details which they have missed when they spoke, and ask questions to discover them regardless of how interested you really are, perhaps you could ask them to give an opinion on something. I have heard many times that people want to talk about themselves, so it's good to ask questions and make them feel as though what they say is important to you, but be careful not to ask too many questions or else they will think you are a passenger in the conversation.
Although I am not always right, I think that alternating every so often between the above is the key to small talk, but deeper rules exist and it is still possible to say the wrong things. Try to avoid asking more than maybe two or three questions in a row, or talking for more than maybe thirty seconds at any one time, also take steps to ensure that one thirty second speech is not followed by another of more than maybe fifteen. If your conversational partner is speaking ambiguously, missing out a lot of details from what they say, always ask one question (as they may be trying to get you to ask things) and then stop as a safety precaution if they do not wish to answer it (as, confusingly, they may also be trying to hide something). And if they say that they like something and you like it to, you should tell them that and then they will know that you share common interests and the topic can move to something you are perhaps more comfortable with.
oh yeah, and you can join statements and questions together if you can think of enough to say