Do you ever wish that you were NT?

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If I was an NT I would either be a freak, a nerd, or an emo.

I'm neither of them now.

Although I would be able to socialise, but then again I can't see myself as Neurotypical.

So no, I don't want to be NT.

I wish I can say that. I hate every second of having it. I hate it so much that I can't even say the word to people. That word is never going to move my tongue. I hate it. It is holding me back from being a NT - and I'm so close to being a NT. I have NT feelings inside - but this nasty AS has grabbed hold of my soul and doesn't want my NT side to come out onto the surface. I hate it, and there ain't even any good points about this AS. I'm anxious, dopey, odd, shy...... I just wish AS didn't exist. f*****g hate it

If there was a cure for AS what costed 5 thousand pounds, I would still take it.

ANYTHING to be a NT. ANYTHING!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I feel like I can't legitimately say I'm not an NT until I get an official dx (which might be soon). But when it comes to the mental illness and the AS-like weirdness that the docs admit I have, I would change some things and not others.

What I would change:
I don't want to have a mood disorder with psychosis anymore. I would love to control my emotions much better, and also not go off the wall mad when I go manic. Plus weirdly, I get severe sensory issues only during these times, that is heck.

I would love to have social skills. I currently don't know every single little thing I do wrong. For years I was clueless and made a fool of myself.

What I don't want to change:
Special Interests, I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have Sonic and Birds. I can remember so many facts about them! I'm really trying to get this job handling hawks and using them in live presentations, I've done that a bit in the past. I would love to keep my ability to remember all those facts.