Romantic Relationship Statuses in Adults Diagnosed with ASDs

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For those of you with an ASD, what is your current romantic relationship status?

Male - Young Adult - Married/Engaged/In a relationship	4%	[ 5 ]
Male - Young Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Seeking a relationship	2%	[ 2 ]
Male - Young Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Not seeking a relationship	3%	[ 4 ]
Male - Young Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Seeking a relationship	5%	[ 7 ]
Male - Young Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Not seeking a relationship	2%	[ 3 ]
Male - Full Adult - Married/Engaged/In a relationship	6%	[ 8 ]
Male - Full Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Seeking a relationship	4%	[ 5 ]
Male - Full Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Not seeking a relationship	8%	[ 10 ]
Male - Full Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Seeking a relationship	8%	[ 11 ]
Male - Full Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Not seeking a relationship	7%	[ 9 ]
Female -Young Adult - Married/Engaged/In a relationship	8%	[ 10 ]
Female - Young Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Seeking a relationship	0%	[ 0 ]
Female - Young Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Not seeking a relationship	3%	[ 4 ]
Female - Young Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Seeking a relationship	2%	[ 3 ]
Female - Young Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Not seeking a relationship	4%	[ 5 ]
Female - Full Adult - Married/Engaged/In a relationship	19%	[ 25 ]
Female - Full Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Seeking a relationship	2%	[ 3 ]
Female - Full Adult - Single: Divorced/Relationship in the past - Not seeking a relationship	2%	[ 3 ]
Female - Full Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Seeking a relationship	5%	[ 6 ]
Female - Full Adult - Single: Never been in a relationship - Not seeking a relationship	5%	[ 7 ]

Total votes : 130

Stoek
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11 Jan 2013, 11:09 am

Verdandi wrote:

I saw the edit, so reply part two:

I don't think it has anything to do with my depression. I think that a lot of people who are sexual to some extent have difficulties relating to the idea of not wanting or needing sex, and tend to generalize their sexual desires as the best for others. I do not think my asexuality is ideal for everyone, but it is ideal for me, and I do not think I could bring myself to enjoy the act.

I have attempted it with a couple of men and a couple of women. I never enjoyed it. I do not think or fantasize about having sex with other people and attempting to do so does nothing for me. I am not strongly aromantic but I do not particularly have a strong need or desire for a relationship, either. Whenever I did think about possible relationships, sex was an unpleasant obstacle I mostly didn't think about.

I do not know how many autistic women are in relationships. Many I have encountered online are, but many others are not. I do not know that two autistic people are always ideal for relationships, as I recently read about one in which one was fairly introverted and quiet and the other fairly extraverted and loud, and they had clashes and sensitivity issues because of this mismatch.

The depression angle is complicated, lack of a sex drive is a clear sign of having clinical depression.

Than their is the effect of one's sex drive on the body, physiologically decreased sex drive is a clear sign that an emotional state has taken effect on the functions of all regions of the brain, and will alter hormone levels, heart rate, immune response etc.

True depression is far more costly than simply feeling blue it's a neurological physiological effect that creates a negative feedback loop that can effect your whole body.

As fair as the aspie relationships, dating an aspie is no more likely to succeed than an nt relationship, it's simply a different dance.

You've mentioned a couple experiences, that isn't what I meant at all when I suggested you were avoiding it.

Female sex drives typically have a strong emotional component to it, and it usually only becomes strong in ones mid 30's.

My friend for example is obsessed with sex in her 40's, couldn't have sex until she was in her mid twenties due to the sensitivity issues etc. It took her a long time to get over them.

It's a long process and it won't happen overnight. It's about removing emotional boundaries, desensitizing, and being with someone that is willing.

Even as a 25 year old dude, my sex drive can turn off for weeks at a time, and mine can be quite strong in the right conditions. So I understand the sensory overload issues.

chssmstrjk
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11 Jan 2013, 12:29 pm

Tuttle wrote:

chssmstrjk wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

Currently in a relationship is not the same as "good luck".

It's data. It's meaningful. But its not "good luck".

No no, by good luck with relationships, I meant that they were fortunate enough to be in a romantic relationship (whether they are currently married, engaged, or just in a relationship) despite their ASD which can impair verbal/nonverbal communication between one with an ASD and his/her NT/ASD partner to the point that the romantic relationship is not romantic at all.

That is true. The things you have just listed would be called the limitations of this poll (or at least some of the limitations of this poll).

Last edited by chssmstrjk on 11 Jan 2013, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Verdandi
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11 Jan 2013, 1:26 pm

Stoek wrote:

The depression angle is complicated, lack of a sex drive is a clear sign of having clinical depression.

No, it's not. It is not only a clear sign of having clinical depression. It is a possible sign, but enough people who are not depressed are asexual. As for myself, while I have clear depressive phases, but my sex drive doesn't increase when all of my other symptoms are mild or nonexistent.

Quote:

Than their is the effect of one's sex drive on the body, physiologically decreased sex drive is a clear sign that an emotional state has taken effect on the functions of all regions of the brain, and will alter hormone levels, heart rate, immune response etc.

No, it's not. ~1% of the population is asexual. A higher percentage of autistic people are asexual. It's not automatically pathological, and I think your theorizing about me (but somehow ignoring the guy who said that all humans should evolve beyond the need for sex entirely) is invasive.

Quote:

True depression is far more costly than simply feeling blue it's a neurological physiological effect that creates a negative feedback loop that can effect your whole body.

I do not need to be told what depression is, as I have major depression.

Quote:

You've mentioned a couple experiences, that isn't what I meant at all when I suggested you were avoiding it.

Female sex drives typically have a strong emotional component to it, and it usually only becomes strong in ones mid 30's.

I'm 43.

You don't really know me, you're proceeding from a set of assumptions about me, and for whatever reason I do not understand seem invested in trying to convince me that I should be interested in something I find about as exciting as dry toast.

Quote:

It's a long process and it won't happen overnight. It's about removing emotional boundaries, desensitizing, and being with someone that is willing.

But there is always someone who isn't willing because I am not willing. I've given it a go, it's not for me, and beyond that statement my sex life or lack thereof is not up for debate.

Verdandi
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11 Jan 2013, 1:27 pm

chssmstrjk wrote:

If I had known that my participation would have presented me as having "good luck" or being "fortunate enough" to be in an abusive relationship, I wouldn't have participated.

Matt62
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11 Jan 2013, 1:55 pm

Have been in one relationship, but my ASD really prevented real fullfillment. Trying to get a new relationship after 25 years.
There really is nothing wrong with sex, it IS primal, but a requirement for Homo sapiens to survive. The replies here show EXACTLY why ASDs and Asperger's are not a step in human evolution, they are Dead-End disorders.

Sincerely,
Matthew

Verdandi
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11 Jan 2013, 2:04 pm

Matt62 wrote:

There really is nothing wrong with sex, it IS primal, but a requirement for Homo sapiens to survive. The replies here show EXACTLY why ASDs and Asperger's are not a step in human evolution, they are Dead-End disorders.

The notion of "steps in human evolution" is rubbish anyway. Evolution doesn't really work like that.

Only one person said there was something wrong with sex. I did say I was asexual but I also said there is nothing wrong with sex or enjoying sex. Somehow, that attracted another poster to lecture me on how I need to learn to love sex, despite the fact that someone else laid down an actual anti-sex stance.

I think it's pointless to generalize about autism from a couple of people saying they do not enjoy sex. A lot of NTs also do not enjoy sex, it's not exclusively an autistic thing.

whirlingmind
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11 Jan 2013, 2:30 pm

Tuttle wrote:

chssmstrjk wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

Currently in a relationship is not the same as "good luck".

It's data. It's meaningful. But its not "good luck".

It's "Is in a relationship" still, nothing about good luck.

We know nothing about if those are healthy relationships. We know nothing about if those people had healthy relationships in the past. We know nothing about whether those relationships are having issues because of the person's ASD.

It's statistically significant if you are using alpha=0.1 (I prefer alpha=0.05) data, but that's all it is. We know nothing more than the data.

Yes I there is a very important flaw in the poll. You haven't done separate options for married happily/successfully or married unhappily/unsuccessfully. How can you know whether niave Aspie females have got drawn into a relationship/marriage and found it a living hell and are just too reliant/compliant to leave the relationship? Likewise, perhaps all those Aspie males that are married, are perhaps all happily married (maybe because it took them so much to get into that situation that they made sure as possible it was to the right person. You also haven't specified whether married to an NT or a fellow Aspie. This is a very important differentiation. Marriage to another Aspie might be much more successful than to an NT. Too many if's and but's purely from the questions asked (or lack of questions asked) to draw any conclusions from the replies whatsoever.

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League_Girl
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11 Jan 2013, 2:42 pm

Tuttle wrote:

Currently in a relationship is not the same as "good luck".

It's data. It's meaningful. But its not "good luck".

True. There are also bad relationships; some are abusive, some are just like room mate relationships and are not happy about it. Some are sexless and one of them is unhappy about it, the partner may not be understanding about their partner's disability or medical condition.

The first two I had were bad. I was not happy in either of them and I was glad to be out of them.

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OddDuckNash99
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11 Jan 2013, 2:45 pm

Female, full adult, single, never been in a relationship, not seeking a relationship.

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SoftKitty
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11 Jan 2013, 2:49 pm

28 year-old female. I have been on numerous dates. I had two relationships in the past but they were short and we never had sex. Looking for a relationship but the man HAS to be patient.

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League_Girl
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11 Jan 2013, 2:58 pm

Stoek wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

The depression angle is complicated, lack of a sex drive is a clear sign of having clinical depression.

So by your logic, asexuals suffer from depression and so do mothers who have just had their babies. They also have no sex drives for a while because their body isn't producing the hormone that makes them want to have it because they just had a baby and their body knows that so it won't be telling them to have it so they can reproduce again. Same goes for breastfeeding too. I also read that breast feeding moms tend to have no interest in sex and don't have the drive because they are nursing and their body knows they have a baby so they don't need to reproduce again. But by your logic, they are depressed. Oh wait, Postpartum depression. But not all mothers get it. I didn't get it either.

I am in no way depressed and I don't have much interest in sex. I only want it if I want a baby and I don't mind having it when my husband does. It used to bother me he wanted it but I got used to it. It was a matter of not wanting to stop what I was doing so I never wanted it.

People really need to back off about others who have no interest in sex and no sex drive. Why do they even make it an issue?

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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

chssmstrjk
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11 Jan 2013, 3:15 pm

whirlingmind wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

chssmstrjk wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

Currently in a relationship is not the same as "good luck".

It's data. It's meaningful. But its not "good luck".

I actually wanted to put in those sub-groups happily/successfully and unhappily/unsuccessfully in the poll options. But the poll can only go up to 20 options at a time. So I couldn't do that. But I could just get rid of the Young Adult/Full Adult sub-groups and replace those sub-groups with happily/successfully and unhappily/unsuccessfully subgroups.

whirlingmind
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11 Jan 2013, 3:23 pm

Can you do that once people have voted on the options? I mean say if some unhappily married people selected the married option, how would you know where to split the votes - or do you just clear them and ask people to revote. Perhaps the whole poll needs a little simplifying, taking out the age ranges because what's the difference with younger or older and married?

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XFilesGeek
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11 Jan 2013, 7:28 pm

Single.

Female.

Never been in a relationship, and am not seeking one.

I am also asexual and not "depressed." :roll:

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Verdandi
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11 Jan 2013, 8:12 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:

Single.

Female.

Never been in a relationship, and am not seeking one.

I am also asexual and not "depressed." :roll:

Isn't it interesting how some people want to completely and absolutely pathologize disinterest in sex? I've encountered so many people who insist that sex is so vital and important that lack of interest must be unhealthy and damaging that it starts to feel like emotional manipulation, whether that is the intent or not.

Sanctus
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11 Jan 2013, 8:13 pm

Single, female, never had a relationship. Not sure if I'd want one. Sometimes I think "no thanks, that would be hell" and sometimes I think it might be nice. Anyway, I'm not desperate or anything.

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