What's it like to have a girlfriend/boyfriend

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I'll have to stick to NTs then because I hate when people talk at me.

LOL

Dang man I feel for you, I've been inthat situation plenty of times. My problem is..... well, my problem seems to stem from being an Aspie I guess. I never blame myself(my mind) I always blame my physical brain or something. Stupid anxiety that wrecks my whole life. Having AS wouldnt be half as bad if there was no anxiety.

All this crazy talk makes me want to puke, no offense just saying.

hmm, it's hard to have a relationship as an aspie while the current culture tends to run on infidelity and split/separation/divorce coping methods. I haven't had sex or intimate relationships in over five years and don't know if I intend to have one any time soon. On the other hand being close to someone and being able to connect to them on an emotional/physical level is something that used to calm me down, if only for a moment. My friends and family tell me to stop over-thinking and just feel, but to me that's harder than solving a complex mathematical problem. I've had a way healthier sexual/romantic lifestyle when I was younger. These days I just contemplate and reinterpret reality on a constant basis. It doesn't make me feel as though longing for a relationship, but having someone who can act as a release valve for your inner thoughts would definitely improve my quality of life. I feel lonely from time to time, but I guess I don't let it bother me. Obviously it's quite a bit of a quip pro quo issue. What would I be able to provide to the other person? My gal friends tell me I need either an extremely intelligent or an extremely stupid girlfriend. Which begs a question whether I'm capable of having an actual relationship at all. 'sigh'

My only saving grace over the years has been that I'm tall. Otherwise I'm super awkward around girls, the best 2 relationships I've been in (5 or 6 total) is when girls have made the first move, I hate the approach/qualify/back and forth routine. Relationships are overrated though, I'm more stressed out when I'm in them about showing normal emotions because I'm not empathetic at all. I still have no conception of "love", hopefully one day I find it.

The best girls I think for aspies and my best experiences have been non-stuck up, easygoing types that aren't judgmental and won't hold you to a standard of being 'cool'. What frustrates me the most about girls my age is that they've been spoiled, coddled, and had things handed to them their whole lives by their dad's, so they expect their boyfriends to do the same thing. The entitled attitude disgusts me to no end.

late (but married now)--still, i should warn people who are feeling bad about not "keeping up" with their peers: this led me to make some really bad choices! i think those who are comfortable with being alone, are going to do better in the long run, whatever happens.

this x 10 ^^^^^

well said!

+1

I'm almost 26 and have been single since high school. I still want to have a girlfriend, Aspie, Autie or NT but pursuing one hasn't been easy for me for over 10 years. I can confidently talk to and get along with people in school today, but every girl I meet in school has a boyfriend, fiance, and or husband. Secondly, no girl has ever asked to hang out or go on a date with me. I don't know how well I can romantically attract women.

Are dating sites worth trying if you can't find lovers in person?

I didn't get a boyfriend until I was 19, still not sure how that happened! He was my only boyfriend, only one I've kissed, etc. Managed to marry him! ^.^ So yeah... no experience to help you out there

Taxing until you find the right one. The guy that I'm currently seeing has no idea about my diagnosis, which is strange because he knows pretty much all the rest of my deepest darkest secrets. It's not something that I'm super open about either though, because I don't really want or expect special treatment due to my diagnosis. I'm sure that there will be a time that will come that I will have to open up to him about it (like if we ever decide to get married, or God forbid, have children).
I don't connect well with people at all, and that includes Aspie people, but there was this one time where I was taking a workshop course for those with AS and there was a boy who I found positively captivating both physically and mentally(and according to one of the moderators he was interested in me too). Him and I got the point of small conversation, and I grew a huge set of balls and put myself out there for him on the last day of the course, by giving him my e-mail, but alas I never heard from him, which I have to say was extremely disappointing, as I feel like him and I did connect on this strange intellectual level. Our mutual specialist (who was actually the one who was running the workshop) did offer to reach out to him for me, but I figured that there was no point in forcing the issue. I still do wish that he had gotten in touch with me though.

I was a hopeless romantic for far too long.

I quite a few boyfriends but took them far too seriously and got into some pretty horrible relationships that I didn't know how to handle. Fortunately, no actual physical or sexual abuse but still demeaning. I got caught in the power play and I think that was down to my over-dominant control-freak of a father. I was very young, looked much, much younger and was, though I didn't really realise it, very attractive, that and the tendency to trust anyone who was nice to me, made me vulnerable.

If a relationship ended and I didn't want it to then I couldn't let go and getting him back would become an obsession.

My saving grace was a man who was more friend than boyfriend who taught me men could be respectful and kind and I could have an equal relationship with someone. He's still one of my best friends.

I met my partner shortly after and we've been together for almost 30 years.

I had good and bad relationships with both ASC and NT men, not that I knew ASC men existed until long after I met my partner. My partner is the best <3

It's wonderful! I would wake up to "Good morning sweetheart" "Good morning knucklehead" (my ex-girlfriend used both). The endless cuddling (I'll admit it, there's nothing like cuddling), having someone in addition to your family constantly having you on their mind (not bashing family here).

I will eventually get back into the dating scene. But I miss having a girlfriend, but I'm content right now. Cupid's arrow will hit me when I least expect it.

But I wouldn't mind having an EHFA (extremely high functioning autistic) for a girlfriend, if that ever happened. I'd be content with anyone I'm attracted to. But to sum it up, it's wonderful, but expensive. I also gained weight too. So did my ex-girlfriend. Of everything, I miss the being affectionate and having someone who would pour her heart out to me.

Can't forget the cuddling. Whoops, already said that

If one day counts for anything, it initially seemed overrated to me. It's those moments were they aren't with you but you know they might return to you that are the most precious I think.

And yeah the fact that someone else cares about what you are up to, and what might happen to you gives you quite a boost in self confidence.

I've also had a few flirt fests online, some more serious than others. In fact the more serious they were the less satisfying it was. Any attempt to have an official "girlfriend" online felt fake to me. But it seemed natural to casually flirt with my female friends. If this tells me anything it's that sometimes women are too quick to take things seriously, and they make us feel tied down too quickly.

Last edited by Beef_n00dles on 17 Feb 2013, 11:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The weight gain is rough. You begin to eat the things you usually wouldn't and you let yourself go a bit more than you normally would. My ex-girlfriend let herself go however she had serious issues before I met her. I regret making her my girlfriend; I should have dated her but I should not have escalated to dating only her. I knew and she knew that my value was exceptional and she was clingly; hated me speaking with others; excessively jealous, inconsiderate; lazy; nasty as she would not bathe everyday (she claimed water dried out her skin) and had racist behavior. She actually utilized social cues to trap me; our relationship was very much her orchestrating; She took my number and called me; she began laughing and doing this so I would speak to her. She honestly was not worth it. I do regret getting involved as I completely wrecked myself after that bad relationship. Still picking up the pieces a year later. I do miss the cuddling but she use to fart during cuddles which was too bloody gross.