Anyone ever get back at their bullies?

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LtlPinkCoupe
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11 Feb 2013, 2:49 pm

I never got back at any of my bullies, nor would I want to, if I were given the chance as an adult. There's this girl who used to give me a hard time in 5th grade, and she goes to the same University as I do now. I still see her occasionally, and when she sees me she just smiles and waves like nothing ever happened between us and it kinda creeps me out. 8O


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11 Feb 2013, 3:08 pm

I did once. There was this group of about four people who used to mock me incessantly every day on the way home from school. They were all of the "wannabe gangster" crowd... wore their pants low, smoked weed, listened to a lot of rap, and all of that.

Anyways one day I had just had enough of them. One of them was messing around with me, and after a while he goes "So man, word on the street is you're a pimp", in a derogatory manner. So in response, I said "Damn right I am, and your mom owes me a good bit of money.", then proceeded to make a couple more pretty mean-spirited jokes at his expense (they were all wannabe rappers so I took things down to their level and style). Needless to say he was completely shocked (I was really quiet and nerdy back then so it was the last thing he expected to hear) and never so much as said a rude word to me afterwards, everyone started picking on him instead of me after that lol. I was glad I did it, because it solved the situation in a completely non-violent and non-hostile manner, and everyone there seemed to have a lot more respect for me afterwards, since they knew I wasn't just going to stand there and take the verbal abuse anymore.



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11 Feb 2013, 4:48 pm

I immediately say that I don't consider myself as someone who was a victim of the bullies, because people only teased me and isolated me. Bullying is supposed to be a painful, when I just felt nothing at all, and I don't consider teasing and isolation to be bullying.
Also, those idiots were cowards, and never tried to hit me; even if I provoked them a lot of times, it never ended in a fist fight, just with those idiots getting mad at me and screaming "we will beat you!!1!!1!!", and me saying "you're too coward to do it now, morons", and laughing at all their stupid threats and at their anger.
To tell the truth, it wasn't difficult for me scaring them. I could just immediately get up from my chair when they passed near me, or throw objects at them, or just yelling at them or pushing them. Or, ridiculous to say, I could just stare at them. My stare has something that creeps people out. How stupid.



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11 Feb 2013, 4:55 pm

At work there was a bully who was mean. He clogged the toilets, knocked someone out of the way for being too slow and other multiple incidents and complaints from people including the boss daughter about this person. Im one of the head janitors there so He called me over to fix something so he could fart on me so the next day I dumped all the trash from the bathroom on his counter and in his register and a note that said eat this. He demanded I clean it up but I told him 'Its not on the floor so its not my problem so clean it or get fired". (we got approval by our boss who wanted to do something worse after the incident involving his family).



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11 Feb 2013, 5:21 pm

This one girl was so mean to me,my tormentor on the bus.Then we switched schools ,these new kids started bullying her,she had a rather prominent forehead,they started slapping it and calling her "fore head",God did I love them for that.Guess I'm a hypocritical person,but I felt deep satisfaction seeing her go thru what I went thru.


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Hunterton
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11 Feb 2013, 5:22 pm

The way I got back at them was putting them in their place with my mouth. I would not sugar coat things and tell them the way it was. Another thing I did was stick up for myself. The one thing I did was smack the bully's girlfriends rear end. I have had enough of him and wanted a way to get back since management would not do a thing about it. So I walked in and saw her stocking and went up and said hi then did it. He never bullied me again. I did get a lesson in proper behavior but I felt sad for her and she had to take his beating. I would not rec. anyone doing what I did period. If I could take it back and do it over, I would tell management and demand that they do something or osha would hear about it. At some places where I worked, management would do things, other times it was a slap on the wrist which annoyed me.



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11 Feb 2013, 5:31 pm

I never had to. My bullies either realized they were bastards and changed their ways or their lives turned to s**t. One of my bullies, for example, was a little s**thead who used to harass me at every given opportunity. because everyone in the class thought I was an easy target, he got away with treating me awfully and even getting others to join in. What was even more insidious is that I often had to put up with it because they did it in such a way that the teachers were completely unaware. He always tried to push my buttons and take advantage of my disability.

Well, the genius chose not to get his standard grades, which is such a dumb idea because without them you are basically not even qualified to do even a minimum salary job. That and he got some girl pregnant. Now, I would understand if he felt he wasn't ready to be a father, but he lied to her throughout the pregnancy that he was going to provide for it and then f****d off when it was born. Still, we're talking about a guy who has no qualifications, no skills, no friends and is probably being made to pay child support until it becomes a legal adult. I think that's enough vengeance, don't you?



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11 Feb 2013, 7:05 pm

MindBlind wrote:
I never had to. My bullies either realized they were bastards and changed their ways or their lives turned to sh**. One of my bullies, for example, was a little s**thead who used to harass me at every given opportunity. because everyone in the class thought I was an easy target, he got away with treating me awfully and even getting others to join in. What was even more insidious is that I often had to put up with it because they did it in such a way that the teachers were completely unaware. He always tried to push my buttons and take advantage of my disability.

Well, the genius chose not to get his standard grades, which is such a dumb idea because without them you are basically not even qualified to do even a minimum salary job. That and he got some girl pregnant. Now, I would understand if he felt he wasn't ready to be a father, but he lied to her throughout the pregnancy that he was going to provide for it and then f**** off when it was born. Still, we're talking about a guy who has no qualifications, no skills, no friends and is probably being made to pay child support until it becomes a legal adult. I think that's enough vengeance, don't you?


I would have to agree. The idiot got what he deserved though the girl who did get pregnant did not deserve too.



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11 Feb 2013, 8:20 pm

cjthemadscientist wrote:
cyberdad wrote:

Wow! I' come across fairly NT but even I wouldn't have had the guts to do what you did! Bullies (particularly serial bullies) have a form of sociopathy where the individual has (among other things) a total lack of empathy for their victims.

I went to a private school and teachers used to turn a blind eye to (and even encouraged) bullying of children who were not achieving high grades or who were not good at sport or who were not part of the elite. Those were the bad old days. Nowadays teachers can lose their jobs if they don't act on bullies. Our best weapon is the little black book that you can record the day date and time (like a journal) of the bully, their actions and who else witnessed the attack but who did not help or step in to help. Provide a copy to the school solicitor and see how quickly the little brats get suspended or expelled. You can use the same technique in the workplace as well.


I would have rather had something like that then have to verbally stand up for myself. No matter how good I was at it and how much of an angry person I am I was always left embarassed and shakey after. But 9 times out of 10 it got them to shut up and leave me alone, and just before graduation I earned the nickname dragon lady which I think was meant to be an insult but I took it as a good thing, meaning I'm not a meek person. :)


I certainly admire your tenacity :wink:



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11 Feb 2013, 8:26 pm

LupaLuna wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
cjthemadscientist wrote:
I've never really done anything creative like that but I've always been good at verbally lashing people and making them feel like idiots. Three incidents in particular stand out.

1. At my first job I was bullied and treated like crap by lots of people but there was this one chick in particular that really got to me. Always saying I'm ugly, blaming everything that went wrong in the building on ME, complained to our supervisor that I never smiled enough and she hated me, cussed me out loudly in front of everyone on numerous occasions, just overall being a female dog. Then one day she said something about how I was 18 and was a loser for not having my license yet (always struggled with driving) and I finally snapped and called her out on how she is 32 years old with four kids who's dads she doesn't know and the only job she can get is server at a restaurant and that I was on my way to college for my microbiology degree and would be out of there soon. She cried, lol.

2. At school, one of the "popular" chicks was rude from the very first day of school. Like everyone else she commented on how I was an ugly white girl, too pale, made fun of my lisp every time I spoke, would put me on the spot in front of the whole class. One day I forgot to put my workbook up so I just walked over and tossed it onto the teacher's desk, and she commented on how I was being "ignorant". I turned around and said "If you'd have been paying attention in this class instead of messing around you would know the proper definition of ignorance, which means lack of knowledge on a particular subject, example Darian (her name) is ignorant of what words in the English language mean. The only ignorant one I see in here is you sweetheart." She stood there shocked, then tried to physically come at me only to be escorted out by security. Heh.

3. Another time in school I was bored, looked around the classroom and I suppose I accidentally made eye contact with this preggo chick who was 15. Then the guy behind me struck up a conversation and while I wasn't looking she placed a note on me desk telling me to keep my ugly eyes to myself, that I'm jealous of her, and if I have a problem to say it to her face. I didn't even know her name! So I flipped it over and wrote on the back pinpointing her many grammatical errors and that I was sorry I accidentally glanced at her, but I understood as teenage hormones/pregnancy hormones and knowing you ruined your life don't mix. I put it up on the overhead and read it out loud to the class when the teacher stepped out and made this girl cry. I got ISS for a week, but hey, it was worth it.

4. Not really bullying I was late to class and forgot my id. I was on my way to my assistant principal which was the only place I could get a pass and a temporary id, and her office was on the other side of the school from the entrance. As I was walking there I was stopped by there two teachers who said they'd never seen me in the school and I looked like a trouble maker. My school had over 3,000 students in it. So I said to them "This school has thousands of students in them and you don't teach them all, so there is no way you could remember every one of their faces and I doubt you have physically seen every single one. I have never seen you two here, so I guess you must not teach here!!" They just said whatever and let me go.


Wow! I' come across fairly NT but even I wouldn't have had the guts to do what you did! Bullies (particularly serial bullies) have a form of sociopathy where the individual has (among other things) a total lack of empathy for their victims.

I went to a private school and teachers used to turn a blind eye to (and even encouraged) bullying of children who were not achieving high grades or who were not good at sport or who were not part of the elite. Those were the bad old days. Nowadays teachers can lose their jobs if they don't act on bullies. Our best weapon is the little black book that you can record the day date and time (like a journal) of the bully, their actions and who else witnessed the attack but who did not help or step in to help. Provide a copy to the school solicitor and see how quickly the little brats get suspended or expelled. You can use the same technique in the workplace as well.


I did A year in private school because I was failing public school and my mom was desperate to get me in a better school. For me, it was going from the frying pan and into the fire. bullying was 3 time worst there. I felt like I died and gone to hell.

The old British school system encouraged ragging as a form of initiation of new students in order they integrate into the student body. Ragging was ostensibly supposed to mildly humilate the newbies in good humor in order they lose any inhibition or shyness. In reality ragging was simply an excuse for abuse and bullying. In private schools today this tradition carries on somewhat and the teachers are complicit in encouraging bullying (not a well known fact) especially where the student (like myself) was not a high achiever, not good at sport and tended to hang by themselves.

So given this type of private school culture, I am not surprised you went from the frying pan into the fire.



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12 Feb 2013, 4:20 am

MindBlind wrote:
Still, we're talking about a guy who has no qualifications, no skills, no friends and is probably being made to pay child support until it becomes a legal adult. I think that's enough vengeance, don't you?

no. enough vengeance would be to have him castrated with a rusty blade and no anaesthetic, and then made to eat his jewels.



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12 Feb 2013, 5:48 am

While I don't necessarily believe in karma, I do think that the good old "what goes around comes around" holds true in life for the most part. When you think of it, the numbers game works against people who think they can get through life acting like pricks towards their fellow human beings; at one point or another, they will pick on the wrong person at the wrong time. I know I am a sleeping dog you better not wake, and there's plenty of people like this whose buttons you better not push. You don't even have to get physical in this regard, they might piss off the wrong person that turns out to be a very important person that can influence their professional career or such. Sometimes you have to take matters in your hand and stand up for yourself. But sometimes, you can just sit back, relaxn and enjoy the show how someone earns what he's paid for all his or her life.


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12 Feb 2013, 8:41 am

You are right. My husband is definitely far more dangerous than he appears. And I know a lot of people who are far richer than they appear. I know people who are connected to a huge, nasty biker gang, and others to the police.

I tell my kids to never assume anything about strangers. Don't be unnecessarily rude because you don't know who they are, whom they know, or what they are capable of.



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12 Feb 2013, 10:46 am

I was always too intimidating looking to be bullied as an adolescent. Was teased a lot, but usually employing my "don't f**k with me" look would stop it if it went too far (still, I have a very long fuse when it comes to teasing and learned how to tease back). In general I always try to be kind and understanding towards people, which goes a long way when having a backup against someone who would try to bully you.
Getting back at someone for your childhood bullying, when you should know better as an adult is a sure way to make a bully out of you. It is better if you can just satisfy yourself with their misery from afar.
These days if witnessing bullying, or if it's even directed at me I can simply "decapitate" the culprit with erudition, derision, well practised rhetoric and a plethora of different oratory devices. Otherwise I can always turn their faces into pulp before they can blink.



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12 Feb 2013, 11:15 am

BlackSabre7 wrote:
I tell my kids to never assume anything about strangers. Don't be unnecessarily rude because you don't know who they are, whom they know, or what they are capable of.

I hope this won't sound offensive but this is what I'd call all the right attitudes for all the wrong reasons. It kind of reminds of when that bullied boy Casey Heynes fought back, and his bully later said in an interview that "you shouldn't bully, because you can get hurt".
:roll:


I've never gotten back at anyone but I have seen a former bully in adult age. She was every bit her mother now (sour, bi***y, impatient, foul mood all the time. She’s as bad as her mother was/is and the same for her younger sister. She and her sister were equally bad. Gad what a family.
I would have enjoyed that very much if I hadn't seen how she treated that poor child of hers. I pity him. She was always yelling at him, criticizing him, complaining about him. He wasn’t a bad child at all, he was just a child. It pained me to see how she talked to him and treated the poor little boy. Even I had been able to be more patient than her. Worst thing is, she was studying to work in child care services, last I heard. Makes perfect sense; those who completely lack understanding and insight and least should have power over children’s lives and families’ destinies are the first to go for such jobs. They never grow out of their bully role it seems. When I met them and heard her have goes at him, I wanted to say something every time. She’d be taking him to school, and she’d do nothing but yell that he was so slow and she’d be late because of him. All the poor child did was ride his bike as best he could. If she had such little time every morning maybe she should start getting up earlier. I never saw her in good mood since junior high. It was the same on the subway. He wanted to sit by the window seat back (which is my favorite spot too when it’s free ) and she was just a few meters away from him. He sat down next to me and looked out the window. She snapped at him that he was to stay put there. He did. All he did was look out the window. Children who scream or run around all ADHD hyper are never stopped by their mothers as they turn the journey into a nightmare for everyone else, but this quiet calm boy was treated as if he was a nuisance like you’d never seen. I loved clinging to the poles on the train when I was little and run around them. I was never yelled at for that, and he was just sitting there.
Sorry about ranting, it just annoyed me so much to see how she treated him. Maybe she took his father leaving him out on him? She’s with someone new now and has gotten a second child. No idea how either child is treated now. I haven’t seen her in some years and that’s just as well.


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12 Feb 2013, 11:36 am

Never successfully.

I talked back to the kids that called me names in middle school. I told them that I was going to be successful and they were going to end up in debt and on welfare. They'd been telling me I should just die for years-- when I spoke back, guess who finally got in trouble?? Yep-- me.

I tried standing up to my husband about things that were important. Guess who got labeled psychotic and selfish and unreasonable?? Yep-- me. When I let him have his way and it backfires, guess whose fault it is?? Yep-- mine.

I tried talking back to my stepmom's sisters when they decided I was evil and needed to be run out of her life and cut out of my dad's will. Guess who got in trouble when they screamed at me and derided me viciously in front of Mom while I stood mute?? Yep-- me.

I wake up screaming from nightmares in which they apologize to me for misjudging me and ask my forgiveness, and I reply that there is nothing to forgive, that I understand that I am broken and to be despised, and that there is no forgiveness in my heart, and then beat them to death with whatever tool I'm holding in my hands at the time (usually in the dreams, I am working on Mom and Dad's old house, which they've held up in probate for two years now because it goes to me when Mom can't live there any more and they are not willing to take her home, so rather than let me have it and bring her out to visit they are letting it rot).

I fantasize about revenge all the time. I laughed for days when the foundation fell out from under the house my husband demanded we buy even after I told him it was too much money for needing too much work, and that keeping up with the repairs would eat our lives and yield no result. I still chuckle when I think of it-- even as he and his parents blame me and my choices to save money and continue the expenditure of visiting distant family (ie bringing the grandkids to see them and my folks) for the fact that a 30+-year-old improperly constructed post-and-beam foundation shifted, rendering the house uninhabitable and unsellable.

I keep it to myself (and I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for posting this, because all my communications are watched. I'm sad and tired and I don't care).

Look-- even Hans Asperger himself said in his writings that the bullying we experience is completely understandable and totally acceptable. That's the way it is.

I am trying very hard to suppress all thoughts of revenge, or vindication, or validation, or anything. I am different. Difference equals deficit. I have a choice-- I can be silent and acquiescing and do my best to be a good and happy slave, or I can be screamed at, s**t upon, and destroyed. I am trying to learn to be a good and happy slave in my heart as well as on the surface. I will learn to be grateful for the tolerance I am granted and the scraps I am thrown.

I will make peace with being a non-person, and with being the whipping boy. What goes right is in spite of me, what goes wrong is because of me. No one is screaming at me right now and it is a nice day, so I will be happy.

I have to do this if I want to survive and have any quality of life.

Yes, I am bitter and full of despair and hate. My therapist says that is natural. Any NT would not accept those conditions for themselves for a moment, nor would any sane person dare to suggest they should. But the key term there is "NT". I am not NT, therefore I do not have the same rights. I do not seek to change this situation. I seek to change the pain and resentment it gives me, to accept it with a grateful heart as the very best that I can have and be glad.


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