Are Aspies a bunch of entitled brats?

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Sounds exactly like a cousin of mine, save that he doesn't have autism. Still an utter jerk who thinks everyone should bow down to him. Going to get a major slap in the face when he turns 18, moves out, and enters reality. One is not a brat because one has autism. One is a brat because of poor parenting decisions.

^

I've mentioned before that I'm an ice hockey goalie and that many goalies have strong Aspie traits but that doesn't mean that a good chunk of them (especially the teenage ones) aren't absolute spoiled brats. Someone suggested since I was obsessed with goalie gear and knew all the model #s and brands I would be perfect to work at a hockey store but there is one problem: I would have to resist the overwhelming urge to punch every kid who walked in and whined that they were only allowed to get the $700 skates not the $900 ones and had to try on the $1000 chest protector before daddy bought it. I used to spend a lot of time at hockey stores and the stories I could tell you about kids who's idea of a difficult life is having to wait 5 minutes for the purchase to be rung through on mommy's credit card. Some of those parents would spend $5000 A YEAR on their kids hockey when we were lucky to have grocery money.

Being on the spectrum and having difficulties being misunderstood doesn't mean you can't also be a completely spoiled brat. I'd say the majority of teenage goalies I know (including my cousin) are spoiled rotten to the point they are going to crash and burn at age 21 when reality hits them and mommy and daddy aren't paying for everything and their delusions of making it big in the NHL quickly fade. To be fair, it's 99% the parents fault for treating them that way and pumping their heads full of delusions of grandeur. I had to learn the hard way that I had to work and work hard to earn my right to play and if I wanted the expensive gear I had to work overtime to get it.

I dont think so Ive had to constantly try and change my own behavior and put up a facade so I can fit in the rest of the world because I have to meet their expectations no matter how uncomfortable and exhausting it is to me.

Aw, I'm really sorry to hear that, IdahoRose...my dad tells me the same thing all the time, but I can't make myself believe him either. *Gives you a hug*

I don't think of myself as spoiled or entitled, either....like many people here, I try every day to keep up a facade of "normal-ness," talk to people, go to the necessary offices to take care of my affairs even if the mere thought of doing so propels me into a panic attack....it all exhausts me to the point where I get headaches and feel tired, hungry and on the verge of tears nearly all the time (like I was today), yet I do it anyway. The high point of my day is getting to come "home" to my dorm room full of my plushies and die cast Cars and just fall asleep for the rest of the day or go online. Just having someone come up to me, give me a hug and tell me that I'm a good person or friend would be awesome....if I could make myself believe them.

"Everyone is special, Dash."

"Which is just another way of saying no one is."

- Helen and Dash Parr, The Incredibles

I came to term with this concept and it changed my miserable life. It is not about who is better, worse, more or less special. It is about seeing we are all different, but WORTH the same.

So, one kid has trouble socializing, but he is great at math. Another kid has heaps of friends but tone deaf and only wants to sing. Another kid is fantastic at football, but could not work out percentages to save his life.
Whatever your weakness is as a kid could screw up your life later. If you are an as*hole, it could help or hurt your career, depending on what you choose. It will also influence the type of friend you have, who wants or doesn't want to marry you.

If you are not mathematical as a kid, and don't fix it, you will probably overpay for most of your purchases your whole life. If you language skills are not good, you might sign a bad contract that costs you tons of money, because you did not understand what you were signing. If you have no friends as a kid, you may spend so much time on you hobby that it eventually turns into a very lucrative career.

See, what you see at your age level is very poor representation of a whole life. And believe me, whatever happens before you are twenty, mostly fades away for most people, and you are left with decades of life (hopefully) that are less about choices imposed on you, and an artificial environment chosen for you, and more about who you are and what you have decided for yourself.

My thinking for myself was
'they are not better than me. I am not perfect, but neither are they. So why do they deserve to try to make themselves happy and I don't. We were all born pure innocent babies with equal value, and all walk our own path. So stop looking at other peoples path and start focusing on where you are going yourself. You may succeed or you may fail, but at least you claimed you right to walk your own path, and to live your ONE life, be the best YOU you can be, as decided by YOURSELF, and let them worry about their own s**t'

I started convincing myself of this when I was in my late 20's, and my life changed. It's always a struggle, but at least I keep reminding myself I have choices, I have a say.

You can get the jump on me more than a whole decade, if you choose to.

To be fair, I think this particular theme was the worst part of The Incredibles.

It's also completely untrue.

My father always taught me to be very humble. I think I may have taken that to the extreme, because now I have low self esteem and tend to blame myself for something before I blame anyone else. It's hard for me to even accept help sometimes because I feel like I don't deserve it. I have tried to improve in this respect, though.

So to answer your question, no. In fact, I really dislike people like that. I also hate it when people complain about "first world problems." It just seems obnoxious.

I can be brattish sometimes but I think this is down to immaturity which is linked to the developmental delay which is part of autism/Aspergers. I often don't relate to the seeming adult 'act' that a lot of adults seem to put on eg they start calling people 'love' or some other term of endearment and talking in a sort of 'Ok everyone I'm an adult/parent and I'm taking charge here' patronising way. I can't take on that role as it's false for me. So in that way I remain a perpetual adolescent in many ways, having to take on adult responsibilities but also never fully entering the adult world as I don't mix with many other people and hence my 'adult manner' never gets fully developed or normalised.

I'm drawn more to people who are a bit subversive and immature as these people always seem more interesting to me than people who have children, join the Parent Teacher Association and have dinner parties where they talk in a terribly adult way about adult things, with the latest trendy adult market CD playing - this seems horribly restrictive and boring to me and I would never be allowed to enter this world anyway as I don't have the 'adult' credentials (ie mainly social status, children, a high powered job and a group of social climbing friends). So if I can't join the 'adult club' and often get treated as if I'm a bit simple and either ignored or patronised by people is it any wonder I often go with the childish role and act in a facetious immature manner??
What other role is left for me to play is the question I'd ask!

It's not a part of aspergers, but it's a mentality that, sadly, can be taught to autistic people. Some autistic people are conditioned to think that they are useless, cannot contribute to society and that their very existence is an inconvenience to others. Other people have a very antithetical approach, teaching their child that they are amazing, special, infallible and their very existence is a contribution to mankind.

Some parents feel the need to do that for their special needs kids so that they don't feel bad about themselves, but it's a very toxic thing to teach any child. You shouldn't raise your child to be a narcissist, which is exactly what this woman is doing (whether she means to or not).

And some people are just as*holes for the sake of being as*holes.

^This.

Though wow, you were poor. I thought I had a poor childhood, but wow.

I'm realizing now how much I put off people by acting this way (even without realizing I was doing so) and what caused me to act this way (mom micro managing my life, putting me on a pedestal), and am trying to modify my behavior going forward to avoid this perception.

Last edited by overthinker9 on 15 Feb 2013, 8:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was never bratty, but did have a confidence problem. Still do. I have to be my own cheering squad to keep my spirits up. Even in my posts here, I sometimes do it, just to remind myself. I don't want to look or feel like I am still putting myself down - kind of like an alcoholic needs to be vigilant, so do I have to be.

My parents taught me to be humble and considerate, and I always put others first. I do it for strangers in public, and for my family. I have had broken teeth for years, back pain, headaches because I need to see a chiropractor, a possible lump in my breast, something wrong with my kidney, and more, and I cannot find the time or money to address all that. But if my husband or kids need anything, I find a way. I do it for my kids because they are everything to me, and I do it for my husband because I cannot stand what I have to put up with if I don't. I makes my want to kill myself (which it seems I am doing).

Being a parent is so hard. On the one hand, I, for one, know that confidence is important. You also need a bit of a sense of entitlement to get stuff for yourself. Even applying for a job. If you get it, someone else misses out, so you have to understand that you deserve it too. So you have to teach your kids this to be competetive, and confident. On the other hand, you don't want them to be brats, selfish, over-entitled, inconsiderate, etc (well, I don't want my kids that way.)
And each kid is different. You can try one method on one kid and get a saint, and the same method on another kid will produce a demon.

My mum produced 5 honest, funny, decent people with a strong work ethic (I have one, even though I struggle to find a job). No alcoholics, or drug addicts, or thieves, or adulterers, or child abusers or anything. But we seem to be too humble and not competitive in this rat race.
She did what she thought was best. Our family is close, and our parties are usually fun, even for me. But none of us are a huge financial success.

It is such a hard, uncertain job, being a mother.

QFT QFT QFT QFT