Do Female Aspies Have A Dating Advantage?

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Oh, they do frustrate me as well. They just kind of amuse me. It's like someone insisting that if we both could fly like Superman, I could fly better than than him and that this is an advantage, even though I will never ever fly under my own power.



I agree with this.

I don't believe this approach is fare. You can spend your entire life focusing on many other things but life does get lonely. Education, work, and filling all your time with activities does not make up for a relationship. We often try to find other things that are more important while refusing to confront the fact that relationships are just as important as other aspects of life.

It's completely fair.

Everyone doesn't prioritize the same things. I don't find relationships all that important. That's who I am. No one on the internet is going to change my mind in that regard because they don't know me. I am not saying that I will never have a relationship, but I don't seek one out the way most people seem to. I respect that not being able to find a relationship is distressing, but that's never going to be my most significant problem.

Also, I do not recall ever having experienced "loneliness."

I find that you have never felt loneliness interesting. I don't know if that is common among aspies or not.

If you have boobs and are good looking you automatically have an advantage until you open your mouth.
Case closed.
There is one time that I recall that I was captivated enough by someone to make the first move. Didn't end well for me.

This thread kind of disgusts me.

You are not entitled to having a girlfriend. Girls do not owe you anything.
Also, I'm pretty sure that those of us who are on the spectrum and queer have a harder time regardless of gender.

The only "advantage" an attractive woman has, is that it's socially acceptable for creeps to hit on her, and proposition her for sex.
Chances of finding a healthy relationship? Just as hard as anyone else on the spectrum.

This was kind of my point. I meant to put the word advantage in quotation marks, but when I went back and edited my post they somehow got lost.
Being a woman actually kind of sucks, especially living in the kind of town I'm in. I go out with friends and end up with so many random guys coming up to us, like they're doing us some sort of favor. Realistically, as a woman I'd have to say that I'm at a disadvantage, because (as redundant as it seems) when I go out with people my main objective is to socialize with the people that I've chosen to go out with, not to have some jerk come up and bombard me or my friends with whatever the hell it is that they think that they're doing, but they think it's ok because we're women and we're out so we MUST want attention (false). Realistically, if I was single the type of guys that I'd be wanting attention from are not the type that would approach me anyways, so no, I wouldn't say that women are at an advantage at all.

No one ever said a relationship is an entitlement; girls owe guys nothing as guys owe girls nothing but there is such a thing as human decency. Its easy for girls to sit on their high horse saying that they hate when guys approach them. Classifying all guys as creeps that approach until one they like does approach but I wonder if you talk for all girls? From a guys perspective, guys that talk to girls get girlfriends. Plain and simple that's how it works. Unless you have a social circle which I don't, meeting girls outside of cold approaching is impossible.



So are you saying that you would prefer if no guys approached you? Would guys be doing you a favor if they completely left you alone?

That's not quite what I was trying to convey. I'm somewhat tired and have a giant migrane and therefore not doing so well at forming coherent thought processes and translating them into sentences.
I live in a town that seems to be awash with alpha males who think that they are gods gift to women. And when they see a gawky, albeit decent looking girl they seem to think that they are doing her a favor by speaking to her, when realistically, I want nothing to so with people like this. I desperately wish that this wasn't the case, because guys like the ones that approach females as such seem to intimidate and put off the guys that really deserve to be speaking to females (ie. the ones that are kind and will not treat them like property).
Basically what I'm saying is that I have no issue with being approached, as long as it's not with a sh*tty pick up line. If you are going to approach me with the goal of having an intelligent conversation and getting to know me then I am completely open and willing to reciprocate. Sadly, this seems to not be the case most of the time. And this goes for me as well, I do not have an issue approaching people that pique my interest. I also know many males who feel the exact same as me, but replace alpha males with slu*ty broads.

Hey, mrL, I have a quick suggestion for you: how about, instead of focusing on getting a girlfriend, you focus on getting some female friends? Something might happen.

Lol, I am unable to make friends period at this point. I cannot understand or read social cues; I cannot stand social environments and honestly I don't know how to communicate very well with anyone right now. I'm not incredibly weird and girls fall for me quickly and then lose interest shortly afterwards. The Aspie thing has me by the b*lls. I cannot understand the dynamics of making friends and I cannot remain confident or consistent in conversations. Everyone thinks I am either stuck up, gay or weird. I am not interested in being a woman's gay best friend its something I fear like the plague. I am simply venting and I honestly have nothing against girls. I think they are awesome; just frustrated with the Aspie thing; I have lost virtually all social skills and find myself just studying night and day unable to leave the house except for quick runs ( I can't even go to work anymore). Before I became this way I was more outgoing but little by little I just crashed more and more. I worked with a bunch of woman that blame me on the regular for not getting to know them but conversation works both ways. Women can be like this completely even in non sexuality social interactions they expect the guy to take the lead but seriously we don't really have much in common. They are busy talking about zumba while I am reading Psych books. I have tried to make some female friends but honestly I don't really get along with anyone right now.

EDIT: The last time I had the opportunity to make friends, I entered a bar and saw a bunch of people I worked with previously and a girl I work with currently; long story short her face lit up and the group of people tried to welcome me in but I quickly blew past them as I was scared. She didn't speak to me for a week; I finally confronted her at work and she told me off in front of the entire office. Kinda nasty; I am not good at opening myself up to others because I fear rejection more than anything else. Thanks Yuu, I certainly know you are right about this. Like I said, the Aspie thing sucks. I began taking tons of prescription meds that killed my IQ, made me a mess and it didn't improve things; I just became a drugged up zombie on Anti-Depressants (which didn't work). Sadly the high effect wore off after a while and I was left with just side-effects until I got off them.

Last edited by mrL on 15 Feb 2013, 4:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

It could just be that the girls you're befriending are jerks/aren't compatible with you (platonically). I wouldn't paint the whole gender with such a broad brush if I were you.

Kinda reminds me of a conversation I've had before on a different forum. There was a thread about different kinds of hair (curly vs. straight). Nearly all the straight-haired people wanted curly hair because they viewed their own hair as stringy/gross/boring. Nearly all the curly-haired people wanted straight hair because curly hair tends to be frizzier/harder to manage. Men and women might have different issues on the dating issues, but they're still both significant issues. Neither one is better off than the other, and if they had the chance to swap their respective sets of issues, I doubt they'd stop complaining.

This is very possible. I feel kinda like a loser seeking out friends though. It feels pathetic trying to befriend others and somewhat desperate. I did meet a really awesome girl a year ago; we talked for roughly five hours but I was too afraid to do anything as I felt she would be full of crap like all the others; Despite her asking that I call immediately I waited too long and she went back to school far far away. I still think about her on many occasions and what could have been. Anyway that's off topic; my aunt mentioned recently that I may very well be sabotaging some encounters and it could be true. I get along best with Brainy girls (typically Med school and Psych students) but I'm frequently attracted to trashy girls which has always ended in nothing good.

mrL, I can not express how irritating I find your messages.

Unless you are in a situation where people are there to find a date, walking up to a random person and hitting on them is essentially approaching a stranger and saying "Hi. I'd like to have sex."

It's creepy, it's not attractive, and it doesn't give me confidence that you appreciate me for more than my body.

Fun fact: Being seen as a sex object really isn't fun.

I like shy men.

I can get male interest but its not always the kind of interest I want. It tends to be predominantly sexual and they keep insisting on showing me their penis.

I have to like a mans mind...If I like their mind I might be interested in seeing their penis, otherwise I really wish they would put it away and keep it to themselves!

Then again I probably spend too much time online...

I am more than the sum of my genitals!

An intelligent man with a good sense of humour is sexy even if they are shy or socially awkward (although I tend to find it quite appealing). I recently met with someone who has Aspergers...he is bright, interesting and incredibly funny which makes him very lust worthy in my book (plus he is good looking). Most of the men I meet however tend to think with their dick...I think their brain cells emigrated or something but only a limited number could fit into the available living space.

PN when I say most men I meet, I mean the ones I have encountered...I am not referring to all men on the planet as I have not met them all. I stipulate this because as soon as i use the word men people attack me and insist I am being derogatory towards an entire gender. I am not, I am talking about the ones I have personally encountered. Please bear this in mind, thank you!

I have a lot of issues with people putting words in my mouth and accusing me of implying things I did not imply because they have some strange warped interpretation of something I said. They seem to fail to pay attention to the words I use and look for some hidden meaning behind them that only exists in their imagination.

Just saying before people slaughter me for bashing an entire gender when I have not done so.

Well getting into relationships and getting dates doesn't always prove to be a positive experience. Maybe there is some truth to female aspies getting dates easier or getting into a relationship but beyond that it gets pretty freaking difficult. I have had some relationships and none of them lasted long I don't live up to what guys I've dated want is what it seems like......except one who only ever wanted to hang out for intimate pleasures in which case I started getting sick of him before we ended up losing contact. I don't really feel it does me any good to be able to get dates, when none of my relationships work out.

Also I think people with AS in general struggle with initiating social interaction, that includes females.......my reason for not approaching guys has nothing to do with thinking they should approach me its more my general inability to initiate social interaction in general. Also, not sure what women you have been talking to but I wouldn't want someone who displays nothing but confidence because it would be too intimidating and I'd constantly worry about getting chastised over my somewhat pessimistic outlook and lack of confidence. Also I don't really like comparing people to fish, if I do get a date I certainly don't see it as 'oh look at this nice catch.' I don't even understand that mentality really.