Do you ask other people questions about themselves?
I don't ask people questions about themselves specifically, and there's a reason why. I've never been comfortable with other people asking me questions about myself, either. I've always found it intrusive and putting me on the spot. With a lot of people I've met, I could gauge that they felt a lot more comfortable when we monologued back and forth with each other, instead of asking each other questions. If someone asks, I answer, but I really don't feel the propensity to ask anything. It might also have to do with not wanting to hear something that is not pertinent to what I'm interested in. I guess it's just not how I prefer to connect with people. I do ask questions about people's ideas, opinions, values, etc. about a certain topic, however, because I find that is a lot more valuable in terms of getting to know them and connecting with them. I just don't ask about their lives, what they do, what they are feeling, and stuff like that.
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Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).
Likely ADHD instead of what I've been diagnosed with before.
I see this hasn't been touched upon in this thread yet, but it's something I've noticed: I'm bad at this thing myself, but I have these rare moods where I try to conversate with my co-workers some more, and also ask them a bit about what interests them... but I have found that, when you have unusual interests and/or hobbies, like I do, that the group of co-workers will sometimes take no interest in you. As in, they figure out that you're into wholly different stuff than they or most people are, and they'll just decide that you're 'boring' or 'weird', and will cease to take interest in establishing a conversation with you during the breaks at all. I've experienced this at several jobs I've worked at in the past year, and I find it quite off-putting, especially after trying to connect to them myself. Of course, there's usually 2 or 3 people at work that I can have wonderful conversations with, but the one's I share no common ground with will usually not make the effort to meet me halfway.
So that's just to let you guys know, sometimes you can't blame yourself when your co-workers find you come across 'uninterested'- it has to come from both ways.
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clarity of thought before rashness of action
If I really want to know something, I'll ask. That happens a lot because I'm a very curious person. I want to know a person, inside and out. But my questions often enter the 'personal realm', questions people don't want to answer. I always forget that a lot of people aren't as open as me. And people tend to get a little uncomfortable it seems.
in a general sense, no. i have been told that one of the reasons i seem to be inadequate in a social sense is because i never ask people questions about their lives or times. i am not interested really.
there are 7 billion life stories out there, and they all just merge into a shade of grey in my mind.
i will listen to what people say about themselves if they choose to tell me, but i never invite their tales about themselves.
there are some questions i am curious to know, but they are only "data" oriented. for example, if someone tells me that someone they knew has died, i will always ask what they died of, and how old they were. after my questions have been answered, then because that is that is all i wanted to know, i do not inquire any further.
i do ask a standard set of routine questions to my girlfriend when she rings me up 3 times per day, but they is just a mechanism to
proceed toward the conclusion of the call.
every time she rings me when i am not interested to talk, i use the same questions to wade through the call. she also follows the same routine during our calls, and she has medium functioning autism so she does not find my procedure to be unfulfilling.
an example.
telephone: ring ring.
me: hello?
tammy: hello beautiful (she always says this)
me: hello bubsikans (i always use that form of initial address), what is happening?
tammy: errrm...not much.
me: did you go out today?
tammy: ahhhh.....yes i went to the club house.
me: did you have your lunch there?
tammy: yes.
me: did you cook it?
tammy: no. i wasn't on kitchen duty today.
me: what did you have for lunch?
tammy: chicken.
me: chicken what?
tammy: chicken schnitzel
me: what, just a plain chicken schnitzel?
tammy: yes.
me: what else did you have?
tammy: veggies.
me: what type of veggies?
tammy: cooked ones.
me: did you go anywhere else?
tammy: no.
me: what time did you get home?
tammy: arrrrr about 5 o'clock.
me: what are you having for dinner?
tammy: i have no idea. what did you do today?
me: not much.
tammy: i lost more weight today.
me: that is good. anyway, what are you going to do tomorrow?
tammy: i'm not sure.
me: ok i suppose i will hear from you then.
tammy: well i don't know what time i am going to ring you because i have to see the doctor in the morning.
me: ok, i'll talk to you sometime tomorrow afternoon then.
tammy: yes but i don't know what time.
me: ok, i will hear from you sometime maybe tomorrow night then.
tammy: i don't know the exact time i will be calling you but...
me: well it doesn't really matter anyway, so have a great night and i'll talk to you tomorrow.
tammy: ok. you have a great night (she tends to echo me often at the conclusion of our telephone call)
me: bye bub.
tammy: bye.
telephone: beep beep.
our conversations mainly go that way because she rings so often, but sometimes we will talk in a more spontaneous way and about more important things, but during more interesting phone calls i do not ask her any questions.
tonight she said that she would have a cerebral aneurysm if she won $100 million in a lottery, and we exchanged ideas about how we would spend the money, and it was a very interesting call, but i did not ask any questions about how she would spend it and neither did she ask me any questions about how i would spend it. we just traded ideas and it was a nice call.
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