Is anyone else not proud of who they are?

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I also struggle with bouts of depression (and I know other people might struggle more). I have not yet tried antidepressants but they're kind of my ace in the hole, fully aware that the first one or three or four may not work, and that's just where the science is at, plus that everyone's biochem is a little different.

I want meaningful, substantial relationships. And for me, often the question comes down to, Can I get the energy to try one more time, to go to a place or join a group where I may or may not be treated with respect, or where I may misread the social environment, all for something most probably a long shot at best? and be ready to gently back off from the person if it turns out they're interested in a relationship but I am not

MrStewart, please keep on trying, and please stay with us.

I wouldn't say that I'm proud of being on the Autism Spectrum, however I can say that I have accepted being on the Autism Spectrum and all of the traits that goes along with it.

No, I'm not proud of who I am at all. Having AS makes me feel worthless, and each time I get dejected I feel even more worthless and also disappointed. I am kind to people and try to be supportive, but people just give me the ''go away you're too clingy'' expression, like they're throwing it back in my face and don't seem to care how that makes me feel. Yes maybe I'm a little socially awkward, but I didn't think I was that bad. I only have mild AS, otherwise I am pretty responsible for my own actions and I have self-awareness and I am good with reading non-verbal social cues like body language and things like that, and I have proven to be good with recognising those too. And at least I share the same general sense of humour as most people and can recognise when somebody is flirting or joking or whatever.

I just feel, as an Aspie in this crazy world, whatever I do is wrong because I'm an Aspie and so I'll never get the upper hand. It's always about how the NT feels in every situation, even if they're the bully, their feelings still should be considered, doesn't matter how bad the bully made the Aspie feel. It's actually quite offensive. Just for once, I want to be in the majority. I don't care what person I would be if I were in the majority, because if I were an NT I'm not going to exactly sit there and think ''oh I wish I were an Aspie, I'm not who I am being an NT'' because if I were NT I would be taking my social abilities for granted and so wouldn't have known any better. I would just be caught up in the mainstream world, being accepted, fitting in, being invited out with people, being liked, and so forth. OK, NTs don't like everyone, but the people that dislike me only dislike me for a silly reason, they dislike me because I'm socially awkward. If NTs had empathy then they should put themselves in my shoes and stop and think ''hang on a minute, she looks very shy, maybe we should introduce ourselves to her and see if she will join in, and if she doesn't want to then at least we tried'', which I would quite happily contribute in a group if people did go out of their way to make an effort. OK, people have done that in the past, which proves that it's not just me ''missing some social cue'' because they're the people that I'm friends with now, so that proves that I recognised their willing to be my friend and I stepped in with some confidence. I just wish more people would bother to do that. I mean, it wouldn't hurt, would it?

Ohh, who'd be me?