Is this the typical aspie stare:
10 Apr 2013, 8:05 am
briankelley wrote:
Greb wrote:
I don't think they're cold blooded psychos (I hope). They're just trying to make humour from a tragical situation. The problem with black humour is that the line that separates it from an unappropiate comment is a thin line, that besides it doesn't lie in the same place for everybody.
I don't think it's funny, we're talking about murdered kids. But neither I think that there's bad intention, just lack of social skills.
I don't think it's funny, we're talking about murdered kids. But neither I think that there's bad intention, just lack of social skills.
With so many fingers pointing at Aspergers over what happened to those kids, I think this is the last place flippant remarks and jokes about it should be made.
Perhaps I over reacted or reacted in the wrong way, but that kind of thing happens in situations like this and a lack of social skills swings both ways.
So what if Adam Lanza does have Aspergers? He evidently became very angry towards society. I feel the same except I don't go out and kill people I just joke about it as it makes me feel better. There's an evident link between being ostracised by your community and becoming a serial killer, whether you have Aspergers or not.
10 Apr 2013, 8:07 am
Greb wrote:
briankelley wrote:
Greb wrote:
I don't think they're cold blooded psychos (I hope). They're just trying to make humour from a tragical situation. The problem with black humour is that the line that separates it from an unappropiate comment is a thin line, that besides it doesn't lie in the same place for everybody.
I don't think it's funny, we're talking about murdered kids. But neither I think that there's bad intention, just lack of social skills.
I don't think it's funny, we're talking about murdered kids. But neither I think that there's bad intention, just lack of social skills.
With so many fingers pointing at Aspergers over what happened to those kids, I think this is the last place flippant remarks and jokes about it should be made.
Perhaps I over reacted or reacted in the wrong way, but that kind of thing happens in situations like this and a lack of social skills swings both ways.
Precissely because so many fingers are pointing, helping people to be aware of incorrect comments is important. When you tell people that they acted wrong in a aggresive way, they use to rise up their barriers and hold up their position, so at then end nothing changes.
I think you're right, but I think that saying it in a more diplomatic way would be more helpful.
My comments aren't incorrect, they're how I feel
perhaps you have more investment in society than me because it's kinder to you but it does nothing to make me feel well disposed towards it, quite the opposite in fact
whirlingmind
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10 Apr 2013, 9:11 am
nessa238 wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I think if you're the type to gun down a load of schoolchildren you've gone past the stage of having an 'appropriate' expression on your face
the shooting is an expression of the rage at having all the pressure to act in an 'appropriate' manner put on you and not being able to live up to it
the shooting is an expression of the rage at having all the pressure to act in an 'appropriate' manner put on you and not being able to live up to it
I hate those 6-year-olds, always pressuring me. I should shoot them.
Lol
I have alarming levels of sympathy for Adam Lanza as I don't fit in in my community and have been made to feel I'm certainly not one of the normals like them and as a result of that many feel they can be obnoxious towards me, so in my opinion I have plenty of motive but I lack motivation. If all the teachers and pupils did get shot at the local schools though I wouldn't be overtly upset - why would I if I'm not accepted as part of the community? where would my feelings of affiliation come from?
I'm a coward really; I prefer the shootings to be done by proxy.
I really don't know if any of these bolded parts are intended to be humour, I think not from what you have said. I find these comments really alarming, and my biggest issue with such things being posted publicly is that the media and the general public will gain even more reason to think people with AS are weird freaks who are loose cannons that might just explode at any moment and go off and shoot people.
It damages the reputation of all Aspies because the general public make a lot of assumptions based on such comments. We are already having to educate them that we are not all shooters, and AS is in itself, no threat to others.
I'm really concerned you feel that way too, this is something you should speak to a professional about. No-one can change how society treats you but you can have some influence on it yourself and can also perhaps learn to be less hurt by it with the right help.
I don't feel affiliated to Lanza's victims either, because I didn't know them, but I still feel horror, sadness and injustice about it, for it being such a terrible thing for innocents to lose their lives that way.
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
10 Apr 2013, 9:18 am
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I think if you're the type to gun down a load of schoolchildren you've gone past the stage of having an 'appropriate' expression on your face
the shooting is an expression of the rage at having all the pressure to act in an 'appropriate' manner put on you and not being able to live up to it
the shooting is an expression of the rage at having all the pressure to act in an 'appropriate' manner put on you and not being able to live up to it
I hate those 6-year-olds, always pressuring me. I should shoot them.
Lol
I have alarming levels of sympathy for Adam Lanza as I don't fit in in my community and have been made to feel I'm certainly not one of the normals like them and as a result of that many feel they can be obnoxious towards me, so in my opinion I have plenty of motive but I lack motivation. If all the teachers and pupils did get shot at the local schools though I wouldn't be overtly upset - why would I if I'm not accepted as part of the community? where would my feelings of affiliation come from?
I'm a coward really; I prefer the shootings to be done by proxy.
I really don't know if any of these bolded parts are intended to be humour, I think not from what you have said. I find these comments really alarming, and my biggest issue with such things being posted publicly is that the media and the general public will gain even more reason to think people with AS are weird freaks who are loose cannons that might just explode at any moment and go off and shoot people.
It damages the reputation of all Aspies because the general public make a lot of assumptions based on such comments. We are already having to educate them that we are not all shooters, and AS is in itself, no threat to others.
I'm really concerned you feel that way too, this is something you should speak to a professional about. No-one can change how society treats you but you can have some influence on it yourself and can also perhaps learn to be less hurt by it with the right help.
I don't feel affiliated to Lanza's victims either, because I didn't know them, but I still feel horror, sadness and injustice about it, for it being such a terrible thing for innocents to lose their lives that way.
The majority seem to see me as a 'weird freak' so perhaps you have different presentation of your Aspergers to me
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
whirlingmind
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Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
10 Apr 2013, 10:12 am
nessa238 wrote:
The majority seem to see me as a 'weird freak' so perhaps you have different presentation of your Aspergers to me
Is this based on them calling you names or similar?
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
Like I said, we can't change society's reaction to us, but we can influence it (I know this probably grates, but sometimes we have to concede some things in attitude to others, appearance etc. if we want to fit in more).
The reputation, is when these mass shootings have happened in America, the press and public were quick to jump on speculation about Asperger's and to word it as if they shootings were because of having Asperger's. Someone on WP also posted a little while back that they pulled into a garage for petrol and were verbally accosted and threatened because of having autism and this person went nuts on them (because of the shootings).
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
You're missing the point. Like I said before (and above) it's about peoples' perceptions of us Aspies, not whether about any one of us truly does represent (or speak for) all of us.
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I know there are some rubbish professionals out there, but they are not all like that. Perhaps if you were able to find a therapist who had AS themselves they might be more successful with you? Giving up isn't necessarily the answer. I agree there are a lot of judgemental and cruel people out there, but don't let them change who you are as a person, we are all better than that. Going by what you've said here, and in another thread, you have a perception of yourself that you are unappealing to others. I don't know the reason for this, but like I said a lot can be done to change peoples' perceptions of someone. There are very few really attractive people out there, most people look ordinary at best. Having a good hair style that suits you, if you wear glasses wearing some that suit your face shape, paying a little attention to your clothes for instance. Then there is posture and facial expression. I'm not saying that any of these apply to you, and I'm not trying to condescend you, just to give examples where anyone has power to present themselves to their best. Of course it's not right that we should have to look a certain way to fit in, but unfortunately there will always be an element of that. If someone really wants the type of reaction from others that makes them feel happy, concessions need to be made in some ways. BTW if you are feeling suicidal, or heading that way, please speak to someone professional about it
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
I too am on medication, largely to be able to deal with my youngest' child's extreme behaviour, they won't medicate her (even though her behaviour is distressing for her) but tell me it's about me being able to cope with it. It's not right, but that's often how it is.
I don't expect you to fake any sentiments of course, but like I said, I find your feelings about shootings alarming and feel concern for it being posted publicly because it's fodder for the ignorant out there.
Is this based on them calling you names or similar?
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
Like I said, we can't change society's reaction to us, but we can influence it (I know this probably grates, but sometimes we have to concede some things in attitude to others, appearance etc. if we want to fit in more).
The reputation, is when these mass shootings have happened in America, the press and public were quick to jump on speculation about Asperger's and to word it as if they shootings were because of having Asperger's. Someone on WP also posted a little while back that they pulled into a garage for petrol and were verbally accosted and threatened because of having autism and this person went nuts on them (because of the shootings).
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
You're missing the point. Like I said before (and above) it's about peoples' perceptions of us Aspies, not whether about any one of us truly does represent (or speak for) all of us.
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I know there are some rubbish professionals out there, but they are not all like that. Perhaps if you were able to find a therapist who had AS themselves they might be more successful with you? Giving up isn't necessarily the answer. I agree there are a lot of judgemental and cruel people out there, but don't let them change who you are as a person, we are all better than that. Going by what you've said here, and in another thread, you have a perception of yourself that you are unappealing to others. I don't know the reason for this, but like I said a lot can be done to change peoples' perceptions of someone. There are very few really attractive people out there, most people look ordinary at best. Having a good hair style that suits you, if you wear glasses wearing some that suit your face shape, paying a little attention to your clothes for instance. Then there is posture and facial expression. I'm not saying that any of these apply to you, and I'm not trying to condescend you, just to give examples where anyone has power to present themselves to their best. Of course it's not right that we should have to look a certain way to fit in, but unfortunately there will always be an element of that. If someone really wants the type of reaction from others that makes them feel happy, concessions need to be made in some ways. BTW if you are feeling suicidal, or heading that way, please speak to someone professional about it
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
I too am on medication, largely to be able to deal with my youngest' child's extreme behaviour, they won't medicate her (even though her behaviour is distressing for her) but tell me it's about me being able to cope with it. It's not right, but that's often how it is.
I don't expect you to fake any sentiments of course, but like I said, I find your feelings about shootings alarming and feel concern for it being posted publicly because it's fodder for the ignorant out there.
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
10 Apr 2013, 10:26 am
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
The majority seem to see me as a 'weird freak' so perhaps you have different presentation of your Aspergers to me
Is this based on them calling you names or similar?
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
Like I said, we can't change society's reaction to us, but we can influence it (I know this probably grates, but sometimes we have to concede some things in attitude to others, appearance etc. if we want to fit in more).
The reputation, is when these mass shootings have happened in America, the press and public were quick to jump on speculation about Asperger's and to word it as if they shootings were because of having Asperger's. Someone on WP also posted a little while back that they pulled into a garage for petrol and were verbally accosted and threatened because of having autism and this person went nuts on them (because of the shootings).
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
You're missing the point. Like I said before (and above) it's about peoples' perceptions of us Aspies, not whether about any one of us truly does represent (or speak for) all of us.
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I know there are some rubbish professionals out there, but they are not all like that. Perhaps if you were able to find a therapist who had AS themselves they might be more successful with you? Giving up isn't necessarily the answer. I agree there are a lot of judgemental and cruel people out there, but don't let them change who you are as a person, we are all better than that. Going by what you've said here, and in another thread, you have a perception of yourself that you are unappealing to others. I don't know the reason for this, but like I said a lot can be done to change peoples' perceptions of someone. There are very few really attractive people out there, most people look ordinary at best. Having a good hair style that suits you, if you wear glasses wearing some that suit your face shape, paying a little attention to your clothes for instance. Then there is posture and facial expression. I'm not saying that any of these apply to you, and I'm not trying to condescend you, just to give examples where anyone has power to present themselves to their best. Of course it's not right that we should have to look a certain way to fit in, but unfortunately there will always be an element of that. If someone really wants the type of reaction from others that makes them feel happy, concessions need to be made in some ways. BTW if you are feeling suicidal, or heading that way, please speak to someone professional about it
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
I too am on medication, largely to be able to deal with my youngest' child's extreme behaviour, they won't medicate her (even though her behaviour is distressing for her) but tell me it's about me being able to cope with it. It's not right, but that's often how it is.
I don't expect you to fake any sentiments of course, but like I said, I find your feelings about shootings alarming and feel concern for it being posted publicly because it's fodder for the ignorant out there.
Is this based on them calling you names or similar?
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
Like I said, we can't change society's reaction to us, but we can influence it (I know this probably grates, but sometimes we have to concede some things in attitude to others, appearance etc. if we want to fit in more).
The reputation, is when these mass shootings have happened in America, the press and public were quick to jump on speculation about Asperger's and to word it as if they shootings were because of having Asperger's. Someone on WP also posted a little while back that they pulled into a garage for petrol and were verbally accosted and threatened because of having autism and this person went nuts on them (because of the shootings).
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
You're missing the point. Like I said before (and above) it's about peoples' perceptions of us Aspies, not whether about any one of us truly does represent (or speak for) all of us.
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I know there are some rubbish professionals out there, but they are not all like that. Perhaps if you were able to find a therapist who had AS themselves they might be more successful with you? Giving up isn't necessarily the answer. I agree there are a lot of judgemental and cruel people out there, but don't let them change who you are as a person, we are all better than that. Going by what you've said here, and in another thread, you have a perception of yourself that you are unappealing to others. I don't know the reason for this, but like I said a lot can be done to change peoples' perceptions of someone. There are very few really attractive people out there, most people look ordinary at best. Having a good hair style that suits you, if you wear glasses wearing some that suit your face shape, paying a little attention to your clothes for instance. Then there is posture and facial expression. I'm not saying that any of these apply to you, and I'm not trying to condescend you, just to give examples where anyone has power to present themselves to their best. Of course it's not right that we should have to look a certain way to fit in, but unfortunately there will always be an element of that. If someone really wants the type of reaction from others that makes them feel happy, concessions need to be made in some ways. BTW if you are feeling suicidal, or heading that way, please speak to someone professional about it
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
I too am on medication, largely to be able to deal with my youngest' child's extreme behaviour, they won't medicate her (even though her behaviour is distressing for her) but tell me it's about me being able to cope with it. It's not right, but that's often how it is.
I don't expect you to fake any sentiments of course, but like I said, I find your feelings about shootings alarming and feel concern for it being posted publicly because it's fodder for the ignorant out there.
By 'fit in more' I'd have to be slimmer and prettier
I'm trying to lose weight, nothing I can do about how I look
I dress smartly and don't cause trouble
how about other people stop behaving like twats towards me?
I've made all the concessions I'm making for other peoples' anti-social behaviour - they are the ones with the problem, not me
Society won't change unless there's more shootings in my opinion
Look at any group that wanted to be listened to and then look at how they went about it eg the IRA and the ANC
Both were terrorist groups that were finally listened to by government and got a seat at the table
and you're telling me that would have happened without the terrorist activity?
take it from me - it wouldn't
A few of the 'important' people being shot is what's needed, not less!
10 Apr 2013, 10:53 am
I see your point, nessa238.
While I would personally never use violence, I feel that shooter was pretty much driven to do what he did by those who didn't understand him (because he couldn't help being different (not necessarily being bad)) and who treated him horribly. All the horrible treatment that he had received from the people around him/society should also be condemned as well as what he did (shooting) should.
Well, I actually don't know exactly why he did what he did, but that's what I thought.
10 Apr 2013, 10:59 am
I never look like that, unless I'm really, really shocked.
People say all about this ''Aspie stare'' here, but then when I get paranoid about people staring at me, one of the advices to that I get is ''they're most probably lost in their own thoughts and don't realise they are staring at you'' as though it's not only Aspies that do that.
I can sometimes stare at something when I am really tired (like when I feel my eyes are going on stalks), but I know I never stare at somebody's face though. Making eye contact with strangers is an extremely rare thing for me. But I can just see other people staring at me in my periphery.
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Female
10 Apr 2013, 11:21 am
I feel other people staring at me is a challenge and I often stare them out as it really annoys me
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
I can't abide people who try to bully and intimidate others; they deserve all they get
10 Apr 2013, 11:38 am
nessa238 wrote:
I feel other people staring at me is a challenge and I often stare them out as it really annoys me
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
Probably they even didn't realize that it was a contest...
_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)
10 Apr 2013, 11:42 am
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I feel other people staring at me is a challenge and I often stare them out as it really annoys me
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
Probably they even didn't realize that it was a contest...
That's not true
They have this smirk on their face that infuriates me
If a person is going to smirk they can do it with eye contact - to do it while avoiding eye contact - they are a coward
whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
10 Apr 2013, 12:03 pm
nessa238 wrote:
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
The majority seem to see me as a 'weird freak' so perhaps you have different presentation of your Aspergers to me
Is this based on them calling you names or similar?
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
Like I said, we can't change society's reaction to us, but we can influence it (I know this probably grates, but sometimes we have to concede some things in attitude to others, appearance etc. if we want to fit in more).
The reputation, is when these mass shootings have happened in America, the press and public were quick to jump on speculation about Asperger's and to word it as if they shootings were because of having Asperger's. Someone on WP also posted a little while back that they pulled into a garage for petrol and were verbally accosted and threatened because of having autism and this person went nuts on them (because of the shootings).
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
You're missing the point. Like I said before (and above) it's about peoples' perceptions of us Aspies, not whether about any one of us truly does represent (or speak for) all of us.
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I know there are some rubbish professionals out there, but they are not all like that. Perhaps if you were able to find a therapist who had AS themselves they might be more successful with you? Giving up isn't necessarily the answer. I agree there are a lot of judgemental and cruel people out there, but don't let them change who you are as a person, we are all better than that. Going by what you've said here, and in another thread, you have a perception of yourself that you are unappealing to others. I don't know the reason for this, but like I said a lot can be done to change peoples' perceptions of someone. There are very few really attractive people out there, most people look ordinary at best. Having a good hair style that suits you, if you wear glasses wearing some that suit your face shape, paying a little attention to your clothes for instance. Then there is posture and facial expression. I'm not saying that any of these apply to you, and I'm not trying to condescend you, just to give examples where anyone has power to present themselves to their best. Of course it's not right that we should have to look a certain way to fit in, but unfortunately there will always be an element of that. If someone really wants the type of reaction from others that makes them feel happy, concessions need to be made in some ways. BTW if you are feeling suicidal, or heading that way, please speak to someone professional about it
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
I too am on medication, largely to be able to deal with my youngest' child's extreme behaviour, they won't medicate her (even though her behaviour is distressing for her) but tell me it's about me being able to cope with it. It's not right, but that's often how it is.
I don't expect you to fake any sentiments of course, but like I said, I find your feelings about shootings alarming and feel concern for it being posted publicly because it's fodder for the ignorant out there.
Is this based on them calling you names or similar?
I get the sharp end of it and I react to it
how about society treating me with respect and then I might feel more kindly towards it
What reputation is this that people with Aspergers have exactly?
Like I said, we can't change society's reaction to us, but we can influence it (I know this probably grates, but sometimes we have to concede some things in attitude to others, appearance etc. if we want to fit in more).
The reputation, is when these mass shootings have happened in America, the press and public were quick to jump on speculation about Asperger's and to word it as if they shootings were because of having Asperger's. Someone on WP also posted a little while back that they pulled into a garage for petrol and were verbally accosted and threatened because of having autism and this person went nuts on them (because of the shootings).
I speak for myself, not the whole community, just as you don't speak for me
I feel more akin to people like Adam Lanza than to someone like yourself - that's a fact and I'm not going to lie to make you feel better
You're missing the point. Like I said before (and above) it's about peoples' perceptions of us Aspies, not whether about any one of us truly does represent (or speak for) all of us.
I've seen professionals and get told I'm being paranoid so that's not been a great deal of help
I don't want to be like the majority - they are cruel and judgemental and drive the mentally fragile to suicide
I know there are some rubbish professionals out there, but they are not all like that. Perhaps if you were able to find a therapist who had AS themselves they might be more successful with you? Giving up isn't necessarily the answer. I agree there are a lot of judgemental and cruel people out there, but don't let them change who you are as a person, we are all better than that. Going by what you've said here, and in another thread, you have a perception of yourself that you are unappealing to others. I don't know the reason for this, but like I said a lot can be done to change peoples' perceptions of someone. There are very few really attractive people out there, most people look ordinary at best. Having a good hair style that suits you, if you wear glasses wearing some that suit your face shape, paying a little attention to your clothes for instance. Then there is posture and facial expression. I'm not saying that any of these apply to you, and I'm not trying to condescend you, just to give examples where anyone has power to present themselves to their best. Of course it's not right that we should have to look a certain way to fit in, but unfortunately there will always be an element of that. If someone really wants the type of reaction from others that makes them feel happy, concessions need to be made in some ways. BTW if you are feeling suicidal, or heading that way, please speak to someone professional about it
I'm already on anti-depressants and they keep my temper in check most of the time so I'm already making a big concession to society already
I feel nothing towards those children except that it's not a particularly nice way to die
I can't fake false sentiment when it's not there
I too am on medication, largely to be able to deal with my youngest' child's extreme behaviour, they won't medicate her (even though her behaviour is distressing for her) but tell me it's about me being able to cope with it. It's not right, but that's often how it is.
I don't expect you to fake any sentiments of course, but like I said, I find your feelings about shootings alarming and feel concern for it being posted publicly because it's fodder for the ignorant out there.
By 'fit in more' I'd have to be slimmer and prettier
So how do you account for all those average looking people out there that I referred to, having no issues?
I'm trying to lose weight, nothing I can do about how I look
You don't need to lose weight to solve the issue you are raising.
I dress smartly and don't cause trouble
how about other people stop behaving like twats towards me?
I've made all the concessions I'm making for other peoples' anti-social behaviour - they are the ones with the problem, not me
Other people cannot be changed, as I said. How you deal with it and the level of effort you make to affect their attitudes in a positive way can be. Having the attitude of "it's everyone else, not me" in such a blanket way, shows that you are not self-analysing enough and seeing if there is anything you can still do to improve things. It could even be that a minority of idiots have behaved badly towards you and that you are so upset by it that you are imagining everyone is the same.
Society won't change unless there's more shootings in my opinion
Look at any group that wanted to be listened to and then look at how they went about it eg the IRA and the ANC
Both were terrorist groups that were finally listened to by government and got a seat at the table
and you're telling me that would have happened without the terrorist activity?
take it from me - it wouldn't
A few of the 'important' people being shot is what's needed, not less!
That's a horrendous thing to say. Taking on governments and armies and paramilitaries etc. (even it if is with terrorism) is a far cry from slaughtering innocent people - especially children. I doubt you would feel like that if a loved one of yours was one of the victims of something so atrocious. What had those children (or the teachers at the school) ever done to Adam Lanza? If he hated society surely he would be better off blaming e.g. the health service or the education service or the government or whichever body he felt was responsible. And there are ways to attack an institution without causing loss of life. Not that I'm advocating this in any way, but for instance if he (or any other murderer) felt like doing something on a grand scale to get attention, buildings can be bombed/set fire to when they are empty. If he felt victimised as someone with Asperger's, why did he choose to murder children and deprive them of their lives and futures - one of his victims was a little boy with autism...
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
10 Apr 2013, 12:06 pm
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I feel other people staring at me is a challenge and I often stare them out as it really annoys me
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
Probably they even didn't realize that it was a contest...
That's not true
They have this smirk on their face that infuriates me
If a person is going to smirk they can do it with eye contact - to do it while avoiding eye contact - they are a coward
Out of curiosity, if there is no eye contact when someone is smirking, what is it that leads you to believe it is you they are smirking at? How often has this happened to you and in what circumstances? One or two incidences do not mean the whole population is making fun of you. I've had people smirk at me on occasion. Like you said before, it's their problem - so why are you making it yours?
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
10 Apr 2013, 12:07 pm
jk1 wrote:
I see your point, nessa238.
While I would personally never use violence, I feel that shooter was pretty much driven to do what he did by those who didn't understand him (because he couldn't help being different (not necessarily being bad)) and who treated him horribly. All the horrible treatment that he had received from the people around him/society should also be condemned as well as what he did (shooting) should.
Well, I actually don't know exactly why he did what he did, but that's what I thought.
While I would personally never use violence, I feel that shooter was pretty much driven to do what he did by those who didn't understand him (because he couldn't help being different (not necessarily being bad)) and who treated him horribly. All the horrible treatment that he had received from the people around him/society should also be condemned as well as what he did (shooting) should.
Well, I actually don't know exactly why he did what he did, but that's what I thought.
Please see my reply to Nessa, two posts above this. He was not driven to do it to innocent people though was he, not driven specifically by tiny children?
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
10 Apr 2013, 12:37 pm
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I feel other people staring at me is a challenge and I often stare them out as it really annoys me
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
They think I'm a vulnerable, weak looking person at first sight and think they'll intimidate me then when I stare back they can't maintain eye contact so I see it as a win!
Probably they even didn't realize that it was a contest...
That's not true
They have this smirk on their face that infuriates me
If a person is going to smirk they can do it with eye contact - to do it while avoiding eye contact - they are a coward
Out of curiosity, if there is no eye contact when someone is smirking, what is it that leads you to believe it is you they are smirking at? How often has this happened to you and in what circumstances? One or two incidences do not mean the whole population is making fun of you. I've had people smirk at me on occasion. Like you said before, it's their problem - so why are you making it yours?
Because they've often been looking at me before I look at them then they look down smirking
I've had it happen innumerable times
It's not just their problem - it's mine if it happens a lot
I don't like going out the house because it means I have to deal with people doing this stuff
I saw you mention somewhere you won some beauty pageant so you are hardly a person to know what it's like to be judged harshly for your looks
It's no good telling me how other people deal with it all I can't deal with it, that's that I'm saying!
I don't have the mental resources to deal with it; it's too much of a strain on me
10 Apr 2013, 12:41 pm
whirlingmind wrote:
jk1 wrote:
I see your point, nessa238.
While I would personally never use violence, I feel that shooter was pretty much driven to do what he did by those who didn't understand him (because he couldn't help being different (not necessarily being bad)) and who treated him horribly. All the horrible treatment that he had received from the people around him/society should also be condemned as well as what he did (shooting) should.
Well, I actually don't know exactly why he did what he did, but that's what I thought.
While I would personally never use violence, I feel that shooter was pretty much driven to do what he did by those who didn't understand him (because he couldn't help being different (not necessarily being bad)) and who treated him horribly. All the horrible treatment that he had received from the people around him/society should also be condemned as well as what he did (shooting) should.
Well, I actually don't know exactly why he did what he did, but that's what I thought.
Please see my reply to Nessa, two posts above this. He was not driven to do it to innocent people though was he, not driven specifically by tiny children?
You don't get it do you?
If society makes you feel bad enough you don't care who you kill and also he wanted to get back at people anyway so he selected a target that would be strong revenge
people who bully and pick on others create people like Adam Lanza - his behaviour did not occur in a vacuum
if you push a person too far mentally thy snap and this is what happens
it's the sheer irony of monstering him - it was the monstering of him that caused him to act this way in the first place!
ie he had nothing to lose! No one respected him, no one cared! What did he have to lose exactly? The love and respect of his community?? There was none!
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