Question for girls - lying

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3 out of 9? Ouch! That would hurt. So it's not just your girlfriends that are flaky, but your friends, too. Did you ever find out/figure out why the other 6 didn't show up, ie. did they never intend to in the first place, changed their minds, had a genuine reason, etc.? That just seems like a very high proportion of flakiness among "friends", so I kind of wonder just how well you knew them.

I've experiences something like this too, though not as bad. When Google+ was still in beta and required an invite I asked 3 people I knew had Google+ accounts if they would invite me. This wasn't something mentioned in passing in a group, either. I asked each of them individually, one-on-one, and each one clearly said "yes, I'll send you an invite". Did I receive 3 invites? Maybe 2? 1? Nope - zero! One eventually did send it after I followed up. In this case I think the likely explanation is they simply forgot, since it just wasn't important to them, but that seems less likely with a party.

"I was just teasing you" and variations something I have heard from men as often as women ("I was just kidding." "Can't you take a joke?").

"It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" is one explanation women give for changing their minds, but it doesn't mean that women are more likely to change their minds or back out of anything than men.

Also, because of sexism, people are more likely to assume a woman's behavior is because she's a woman, and thus reflects on women as a category. On the other hand, people are less likely to assume a man's behavior is because he's a man, and thus it does not reflect on men as a category. So you could have 100 guys saying "I'm just teasing you" or being a flake, but they're individuals. But 100 women saying "I'm just teasing you" or being a flake apparently means that women are more likely to use that line or be a flake. It's not logic, it's sexist stereotyping.

You missed the point of my answer.



Here is the point of my answer:

It is ludicrous to ask, "Two women I knew were dishonest with me. Are women dishonest by nature? Are Aspie women?"

The answer is that some people are dishonest, some are not. It's not about gender.

A guy wouldn't say "I was just teasing you" regularly unless he's gay or something.

However, I suppose he might sometimes say "I'm just kidding" or "I was just fukkin wit you" as a free rude-pass. lol

Yeah, really. I hear guys mocking people and then going "can't you take a joke? Don't you have a sense of humor?" all the time.

You know, women might be less straightforward, though by culture, not nature. As far as I can see, blunt honesty is frowned upon in women.

I was thinking about this thread last night, and I realised I answered incorrectly.

I wasn't assuming, or asking if all women are liars. Nor was I being specificaly sexist.

I questions I should have asked are;
Is women changing their mind common?
And is it generaly accepted in society?

I get the feeling from this thread that it is common, and equaly not liked.

So you see, I wasing asking if all women are liars, but is it common and is it socialy accepted.

to FMX,
All my friends are from childhood (except the two girls). Girl one didn't show up, girl two did.

I remember that two others are involved in a guild of members and the president took sick at the last minute, so they took over the presidency for a bit and was therefore busy that weekend. They phoned that evening, but at least they phoned.

The others just didn't show and didn't excuse themselves; and to be fair, I haven’t seen them since either (over 2 years). At least I have two reliable friends.

I hate that! And yes both men and women say it. A guy at work says it to me all the time, and I know he hates me. Why can't he just leave me alone?

And I think it's fine to change your mind, as long as your honest about it.

I was thinking about this thread and all the people I know and the different situations I've been in, and in my experience, the men are more likely to just honestly forget to meet someone or do something while the women are much more likely to make up an excuse. It could very well have to do with the culture of where I am. There will always be an exception to the rule, but I have had way more problems with other females than males. The females I know have weird social games full of lies and backstabbing all while putting on a "Oh you're my best friend!" face to the person they just backstabbed.
I think the worst was right before I got married, at my bridal shower, people either didn't show up or called with some excuse (valid or not, I'm not sure) and they said they'd make it up to me somehow. Others said they'd go to my bachelorette party the following weekend. No one showed up to that either, except my mom, the girl throwing the party and my husband's mom, aunt, and grandma. And people wonder why I'm cynical, antisocial and jaded. I can't trust them, they are unreliable, and they don't care about anyone but themselves.
My experience is not just with women being douchebags, but they sure outweigh the men.

Wikipedia has a interesting article on this, apparently it is a legal term to prevent a woman from being sued for damages when a engagement is broken off.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breach_of_promise

In that case, the statement is correct, and actually serves a purpose. It doesn't have a lot of everyday use since it is mostly a legal defense in extreme cases, where it will be difficult to justify your actions based on your own opinion in order to establish a solid legal defense.

Exactly my feelings.

Nope. One I can name right away is my legal father. That's one of his favorite excuses for socially bullying people. When they get angry, upset, or offended he says "I was just teasing."

Also, way to descend into more stereotyping.



My legal father says these things too.

This I agree with, although less straightforward doesn't necessarily mean less honest. I find indirect communication pretty frustrating.

I honestly don't think you can gain anything by lying to your significant other. Lying leads to you losing them and potentially other boyfriends/girlfriends you may have in the future. It's a vicious cycle.

I don't lie, but I will use my veto power frequently with dating and social events, even though I even keep the few "social teas" like that with others to a schedule I impose, not them (a bit controlling, I know). I will only agree to a date if it is on the evening or night of my first day off work, and it has to be late, as I don't like leaving while they are awake and would rather wait until they are asleep with the sitter (usually mom or my brother). Even if I have been "seeing" someone a bit exclusively for a while who is extroverted, it is fairly common for me to start canceling dates when they begin to involve being social (wanting to be around large groups of people, like parties, or wanting to go to a bar or club as the date). I always warn people of this if it seems as though they like being around me and ask me to hang out more, as I seem good at the one-on-one odd conversations that get an NT male's attention, but cannot fulfill the social end that they crave to share with their partner. I even bought concert tickets once for the first and probably only time for a band (Coheed and Cambria) I really like, but that day I didn't go out of fear and anxiety and just ate the cost of the tickets.

I've only stood up one date though, and it really was because I had figured out that he was literally a waste of my time, but all the other times I will send a text at least a few hours in advance, but now I always try to explain my situation without directly saying "I have Asperger's" to any potential interests, and also, after actually reading this post, I realize I'm lucky I even get enough offers to actually have my dating life planned to that degree