How to make my Brother Normal hasn't been outside in years

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I don't really understand what the problem is and Im not one to comment let alone give advice, if the brother is fine being naked in his room watching TV then is that not a good thing?? because that is what he is doing now.

If i had to train him to leave the house, I suppose I would just move all the food outside and wait for his natural hunger instincts to kick in. IF he is naked when he eventually gets outside then warn the neighbors first. Worse case, the brother does not leave the house for food, if that is the case then just wait til the guy looses consciousness, then drag him to the nearest hospital (or drive if you have one of those car things) then your goal is achieved by default. he is outside the house.


As for the clothes thing. just buy him bigger clothes exactly the same as the ones he has if they are too small. I still wear the same type of clothes I always have. Black jeans and T-shirt with a black shirt over the top. The benefits of a shirt is that if it gets hot I can roll the sleeves down and unbutton the buttons. plus by wearing two layers of tops, if Im ever stuck somewhere I can fashion one into a pillow and still be guaranteed a good night sleep.....anyway I'm sure your brother has equally good reasons for his chosen uniform, even if it is nothing, there are such things as nude beaches.

I too don't understand why they change the TV thing, I doubt there is any efficiency gain by the change so it must be change for change sake which I find a crazy concept that will possibly lead to cannibalism and the fall of mankind.

IF it was me, I would just move on and live my own life until I am told I am needed to care for the brother.

Why not check into some type of therapy for him? Since the OP is 26 I assume that he's got a job, and can possibly help his parents with the cost of this if it's not covered by insurance. Also, if he's such a problem to the OP why not simply move out? I'd also like to know what their parents think and are planning to do.

This thread just has some red lights and sensors going off, that's all. For several reasons.

I'm not an M.D. but to my understanding you need sunlight to metabolise or absorb it or something. Yes it's in dairy but there is a reason when England put in a window tax and people boarded up their windows, people there began dying (this was hundreds of years ago.)



Not always - and it sounds like he also never leaves his room. If he isn't brushing his teeth or wearing clothing I doubt he has the discipline to march in place or do a calisthenic routine. Also some houses or apartments are too small and/or cluttered to allow for exercise or walking around enough to get more than passive exercise. If he would do a treadmill at home or something, great.

The main thing is it sounds as if he has regressed to a state of near infancy in his dependency.

The key point and well summed up again.

The OP has not re-visited WP since, you may want to save your energy for other arguments.

Maybe the OP is reading and just not responding. But if you're right, then maybe it all seems like too much hard work. Sometimes, people want someone to change but don't necessarily want to put in the effort to help, unless it just involves some magic words to say to the person. If it involves real work, they lose interest.

Very true.

Right now, I dont know, why someone should help you with what problem?

So who do you want to help to increase his life quality, and what is bothering that person right now. You are only writing all the time: "...to be more normal...to act more normal...because it was normal to..."

Ok, lets Mr. nromal be a nice guy and care for existing person. You shouldnt care if the nonexisting person Mr. normal is happier, when doing something. You should change things, when an existing person is unhappy with something and you think it would help him/her getting better. Stop caring for what is normal and simply write about peoples problems: So who has which problem, in which way is it bothering a person. I dont care if normality is pleased, but if there are causes to help beside "to please normality", means someone is unhappy or whatever, then describe that please. I dont know right now, why we should help your brother to become more normal, when you dont describe in any way, if he is right now unhappy with his unnormality?

I have also lots of things, I could do "more normal", but I dont do it because the way I do things, makes me more happy, then doing things normal. So is your brother unhappy or another person? I dont care for normality. For people I care.

So, the brother is not doing great. I tell myself it's about medium steps, and it's about being better versions of myself. And engagement, not necessarily conformity.

If the OP needs to step away for a little while and take a break, that's fine. When I'm facing a difficult job situation, like I'm facing now at 'Megamart,' I can either talk about it in free form fashion, or I can take the next medium step and stay centered. It can be very hard to do both, and I'm not sure I should have to.

I'm kind of concerned with all the people who are saying to just leave him alone.

Really? I'm sure he's happy and all, but he's 28. He can't be dependent on other people for his entire life.

As far as dental health, it's true. Andy Hallett (Lorne from Angel) developed cardiomyopathy from a dental abscess. He died five years later from congestive heart failure.

That said, sometimes it is very difficult to maintain some habits, even those related to hygiene and health. In such cases, there's really no easy way to ensure that it happens as it should every time it should happen.

Last edited by Verdandi on 10 Jun 2013, 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He needs to 1. get some type of professional help and 2. if he is not already, he needs to get on disability.

Aside from that, he is an adult and should make his own decisions. People trying to control his life and tell him what to do, is not going to help him.

Autistic people are "dependent on other people" their whole lives (and, for that matter, so are neurotypicals, though we don't consider it unusual when an NT depends on another NT to build his house or grow his food). Autism is a disability. Just because some of us can live on our own doesn't mean all autistics always can, or that even those theoretically capable of doing so can do it without help, education, and support to learn how.

Those of us who can live on our own should not shame those who cannot. It's ableism plain and simple, setting one group of us against the other when we ought to be working together. Divided we fall.

If this guy isn't getting help he needs, then it's great if his family fights to get him that help. If he's not being allowed to do things he actually is capable of doing, then those barriers should be removed. If the world has pounded it into his head that he can't do this and can't do that, then it's great if somebody tells him, no, you actually can, and here's how.

But the assumption that he "should be independent" somehow, when we haven't even met him, is way premature. Being independent is not intrinsically a superior way to live--and, if you really look at the world, nobody is truly independent unless they're living in the wilderness with no tools or clothing or shelter but what they make themselves. The degree of extra help a disabled person needs is not very big compared to the amount of help we give each other every day in an interdependent society. If this guy cannot live as independently as the average NT does, then that's okay and it shouldn't be considered a tragedy.

That said, yeah, he should be trusted to do things for himself and he shouldn't be treated like a child. Some families will just do everything for somebody with a disability until they get the idea that they can't do anything, and that's just a nasty situation to live with. However, you can't swing to the opposite extreme and go, No, we aren't helping you anymore; you're on your own now. The disability is real and at the least he'll need some help to learn how to do those things that he can do for himself.

I didn't mean it that way. I assumed from the OP that he was was in fact capable of functioning "on his own" (meaning he could move out of the house, hold down a job, take care of himself, etc.). I'm aware that virtually no one is completely self-sufficient, but I thought the way I was using the word made it quite clear which definition I was using. Apparently not. :P

Of course, OP might be entirely wrong about this, which invalidates my point.


I wasn't aware I was shaming him. However, the idea of allowing someone who has the ability to achieve something that, in the long run, will benefit them and others, to simply neglect that growth is not a good thing (and this goes for NTs too).


I'm not sure what you're responding to here. Definitely not something that I said.


It is. I apologize. I may have been projecting a little, as I've been coddled in the past and have grown up the worse for it.


Okay.


I agree with you.

Reading the OP, I can't find any evidence that this guy is obviously able to provide for himself. If you pay attention to only the facts, you see a rather severe disability. He doesn't leave the house, can't use soap to bathe, is so attached to his bed that he can't have it replaced even though the springs are showing, can become upset just because the style of the TV showing has changed, has worn the same clothes since age 14 and sometimes wears only a blanket, doesn't have conversations except about special interests, doesn't brush his teeth or go to the dentist, and is unable to leave the house for any reason.

This is actually a pretty severe disability. I'm not saying that there's not potential for improvement, but the solution of "just force him to do things by himself" is not going to work. He probably needs to hire somebody to actually come into his house and help him, teach him how to do things, perhaps prompt him through self-care. It will probably take a professional, both because he would resent a family member taking this kind of role and because a professional can keep a more detached relationship.

I have some things to say about this part.

What is wrong with letting a beard grow and not trimming it? Some people like having a beard.

What does it even mean when you say his baths use a lot of water? So can showers, especially if you take long ones.

I actually quit using soap months ago and think it's better for my skin and hair that I don't. Soap can dry things out and he may not like the scent. My hygiene products now include things like baking soda, vinegar, honey, and olive oil. Just getting wet and scrubbing on a regular basis is more important than the products used.

I have a younger brother that doesn't leave my parent's house. I suspect he does have mild autism but I'm not sure it's even as severe as mine. He seems to have severe social anxiety, is very irritable/depressed, and hates noise. He's also extremely intelligent. We got along very well as children and had a lot of fun playing together but he's grown apart from me as an adult. He's also cut contact with all his old friends since his mid 20s. I think he's ashamed to be seen in public and it makes me so sad. He's a lot like me. I don't really feel comfortable talking about him on the internet but I worry about him as much as I worry about myself.