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Telling if someone is "fake"

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Jensen
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15 Jun 2013, 4:11 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
Even though I'm an intelligent person, and also I am pretty good at reading facial expressions and body language, I can be horrifically naive about people and their real intentions, particularly if they do all the right things to behave like a decent and well intentioned person.

Same thing here.
For the same reason, I was very suspicious and paranoid for years (solidly learned through school years). I have a history of misinterpreting people and being socially insecure. Trying to analyze what the devil was wrong with me earned me the title of "slightly narcissistic disturbed". My psychiatrist does not want to discuss alternatives with me, so I have found a psychologist, who specializes in AS. We´ll see.

I never thought, It could be a typical AS problem before the specialist, who inofficially dxéd me pointed out, that it was.


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BirdInFlight
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15 Jun 2013, 4:18 am

The bullying and social outcasting I experienced in school made me wary of people for those years too, yes -- although later on once free of those years, I reverted back to being too trusting. What I feel now is that really high school never ends and all the same types of people are still out there, except we're all supposedly "grownups"!

I struggle terribly every day to be less naive about people and that's what's so disheartening to me -- to be a middle-aged woman who is not dumb yet is dumb about this no matter how hard I try.



auntblabby
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15 Jun 2013, 11:25 pm

more and more, I believe it is just better to get away from all those overgrown highschoolers and be a hermit.



Jensen
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16 Jun 2013, 1:46 am

Ahr! Hermit and hermit! You could choose a few but good friends.


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vanhalenkurtz
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16 Jun 2013, 3:13 am

Never trust an NT.


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jk1
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16 Jun 2013, 3:33 am

I never seem to learn it though I'm surely getting better. Still there are times when I end up trusting someone that I shouldn't and end up feeling angry with myself for that. I really have to consciously keep a distance from people even when they seem genuine. That's the only way I won't end up feeling betrayed.



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16 Jun 2013, 7:38 am

am unable to discriminate between humans,to self they all look the same lump of flesh,the same colours and outlines-am unable to tell the difference between skin colours because of this and treat everyone exactly the same,when people then make a point about their race am stood there with nothing in head,it has no meaning,what exactly do they want others to think?

people feel/look/are all the same worth,and am unable to tell when people are bad or not,this is how ended up being a stalking and cyber bullying target of a evil ex user here without realising all the sockpuppets were his,nor realising he was grooming,because of the way understand things and what he did, ended up being unable to trust any human-as to self theyre all the same,it took many months of specialist support to recognise family,support staff and others were not going to do the same things as him.

aspies seem to be the same in this area but at a far lighter and less rigid level.


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17 Jun 2013, 8:43 pm

I wanted to add that you can have been betrayed a lot and still have this issue. It's not about not knowing that people are pricks.
I look for signs of various disorders because I don't care about gossip. NTs usually manipulate in order to get gossip. Though it is dangerous to ignore in jobs that inexplicably depend on social status as one of the purposes (and sometimes just side-effect) of gossip is to damage the gossipee's social standing :?


Who_Am_I wrote:
Don't give any more than they do.
They smile at you? They get a smile back.
They want to know highly personal information? They share some of theirs first.


That reminds me of this:
http://www.freeonlineinformation.com/rulesofthegame.htm wrote:
TABLE OF PROPOSED RULES TO LIVE BY

The Golden Rule
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

The Silver Rule
Do not do unto others what you would not have them do unto you.

The Brazen Rule
Do unto others as they do unto you.

The Iron Rule
Do unto others as you like, before they do it unto you.

The Tit-for-Tat Rule
Cooperate with others first, then do unto them as they do unto you.



Anomiel
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22 Jun 2013, 1:28 am

As for which of the different strategies is the best:

http://www.freeonlineinformation.com/rulesofthegame.htm wrote:
This matter has been explored in a continuing round-robin computer tournament by the University of Michigan sociologist Robert Axelrod, in his remarkable book The Evolution of Cooperation. Various codes of behavior confront one another, and at the end we see who wins (who gets the lightest cumulative prison term). The simplest strategies might be to cooperate all the time, no matter how much advantage is taken of you; or never to cooperate, no matter what benefits might accrue from cooperation. These are the Golden Rule and the Iron Rule. They always lose, the one from a superfluity of kindness, the other from an overabundance of ruthlessness. Strategies slow to punish defection lose—in part because they send a signal that noncooperation can win. The Golden Rule is not only an unsuccessful strategy; it is also dangerous for other players, who may succeed in the short term only to be mowed down by exploiters in the long term.

Should you defect at first, but if your opponent cooperates even once, cooperate in all future games? Should you cooperate at first, but if your opponent defects even once, defect in all future games? These strategies also lose. Unlike sports, you cannot rely on your opponent to be always out to get you.

The most effective strategy in many such tournaments is called "Tit-for-Tat." It's very simple: You start out cooperating, and in each subsequent round simply do what your opponent did the last time. You punish defections, but once the other player cooperates, you're willing to let bygones be bygones. At first it seems to garner only mediocre success. But as time goes on, the other strategies defeat themselves, from too much kindness or too much cruelty-and this middle way pulls ahead. Except for always being nice on the first move, Tit-for-Tat is identical to the Brazen Rule. It promptly (in the very next game) rewards cooperation and punishes defection, and has the great virtue that it makes your strategy absolutely clear to your opponent. (Strategic ambiguity can be lethal.)

Once there get to be several players employing Tit-for-Tat, they rise in the standings together. To succeed, Tit-for-Tat strategists must find others who are willing to reciprocate, with whom they can cooperate. After the first tournament in which the Brazen Rule unexpectedly won, some experts thought the strategy too forgiving. Next tournament, they tried to exploit it by defecting more often. They always lost. Even experienced strategists tended to underestimate the power of forgiveness and reconciliation. Tit-for-Tat involves an interesting mix of proclivities: initial friendliness, willingness to forgive, and fearless retaliation.



myjade_84
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22 Jun 2013, 1:45 am

It is hard dealing with fake people but sometimes you have to do it to avoid being rude. Just give them a fake smile and when you answer their questions, just nod or say a simple yes or no. It's what i do.