Neurotypicals should stop asking aspies and everybody this:

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Why do so many Aspies have a problem with being asked these small questions? It's just a verbal expression humans just happen to say when greeting. It isn't a big deal. I know it sounds odd when you think too much about it, but I'm sure there's more important things to worry about than a common "how are you?" greeting. I just say "fine thanks, and yourself?" and then move on. I rather that than be ignored.

i rarely get asked anything by people around me (people that know me by name (i wouldn't mind) & not people that may know me by appearance)

Just because it's not a big deal to you doesn't mean it's not a big deal and trigger for other people. For me, it's not about it being odd, but more the fact that it hurts me emotionally to try to pretend that I'm fine when I'm not, so because of that I just really don't want people asking me that are using it as a greeting only and don't actually care how I'm doing, as I said in my own post. Others have other reasons why they don't like it. I'm sure you didn't mean it to come off this way, but it just sounds really dismissive and invalidating when you try to tell someone that something that bothers them is no big deal, just because you don't understand why it upsets them.

i wouldn't mind people that i end up meeting (a woman on a subway train that may know me by appearance & not by name,and i end up avoiding her ) asking me anything small,or big.

I'm sure neurotypicals with depression feel the same way.

My Grandmother was great. If anyone asked her how she was, she gave them a very detailed account which usually included the current state of her bowels People learned not to ask. God I miss her.

When people ask my grandmother if she's all right she replies "no I'm half left."

Or anyone with depression? Sorry, I guess I'm just a bit confused as to why you brought depression into it. Depression is probably a factor in why I don't like strangers/casual acquaintances asking me how I am as a standard greeting, but it's not the only reason.

But yeah, there are any number of issues that could affect people(both NTs and people on the spectrum) that might seem like not a big deal to people that don't have that issue, but it is a big deal to the people that have the issue. It just really doesn't feel good to be told that it's no big deal and to get over it and move on, because for the person with the issue, it's a big problem that they can't just get over. And yeah, I guess depression is a good example. People with depression can't just get over it and move on, and people who have problems with/are triggered by this sort of greeting can't just get over it and move on either.

I'm so, so sorry I offended you, but I wasn't really aiming my post at you, I was just responding to the OP (which happens to be created a few years ago and someone has recently bumped the topic). I only read the OP's post and it sounded like the OP was just ranting about the question not being a ''real'' question and only wants to be asked intelligent questions. I didn't mean any disrespect to you. It's just that I've often seen autistic people on WP discussing how ''pointless'' it is to be asked how you are, so I was kind of referring to that.
And you can't stop people (NT or not) from asking these things. I'm sure they don't mean any harm.



I was referring to this (part of the OP). It looks like the common greeting is being took too literally and is making a big deal out of it. THAT is what I meant.

- How are you feeling?
- No idea.

I just say "fine," or whatever, and move on.

Or I'll ask "How are YOU?" That'll put them on the spot

I really don't believe people have bad intentions when they ask this. There are times when they sincerely want to know "how you're doing." Most people "care" in a small sense.

I just say, "okay." Usually people know if I say, just okay, usually that is how it is. It isn't awful, just nothing very impressive or great.

For no reason at all I will suddenly feel super defensive when I am asked this question, particularly by people who i know care about me. Never do i assume people do it maliciously, and i agree with this quote. But it does make a bad reaction, even seeing it in writing. So I'll try to avoid it or ignore the question.

In person i use one of those automatics. "Fine, how are you?" Including at work, after a handful of extremely awkward situations with the public. (Someone ended the conversation with, 'thanks for the Tmi conversation' and I was mortified, despite not understanding where I had crossed the line.) It seems to be all or nothing for me with this question. I cant just answer it halfway, If im gonna answer, i have to do it completely or I feel its unfinished and it frustrates me.

This may not have been what OP was talking about, but I see some folks sharing their experiences and I wanted to add my own.

How would anybody feel if NOBODY asked "how are you doing?"

I feel "on the spot," too, when I'm asked that question.

But I feel like some of the "goodness" of life would dissipate should NOBODY ask me "How are you?"

Yes, it's a "social convention," and seemingly unnecessary---but is it really that "unnecessary?"

Yeah, this really is an old topic. I've since learned to let it go.