Song lyrics etc. that express the Asperger's world
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,571
Location: Long Island, New York
But how do you relate to the story -as an autistic? We autistics are often at odds with NTs. But I don't see how you would be torn between two groups the way the narrators of Half Breed ,or "Shot From Both Sides" are.
The protagonist in the song is biracial. The song was written during an era when “mixed marriages” were less common and accepted. “Half Breed” was the insult constantly thrown at her by whites and Indians neither of whom accepted her as one of there own. She thus learned to hate the word but realized she can not run away from who she is.
Mild/high functioning/aspies (many WP members) are not accepted by many parents of severely autistic children, therapists and even other autistics. People post here daily about being rejected for an autism diagnoses because they are married and have a job on so on. Diagnosed people have been told by friends and family they are not autistic or do not have “real autism”. Parents of severely autistic kids will often say we have no right to critique or advise them because we have the ability to do so. We are often told we do not need support or sympathy because our problems would go away if we just try harder.
Many members here while feeling rejected by the people above also feel thrown under the bus by the neurodiversity movement. They reject the idea that their difficulties are purely a matter of being different. While they are “mild” they feel depressed, suicidal yet they are told by some posters that their difficulties are not autisms fault it is the co morbids, if we all just create some autistic country everything would be alright, if we do not feel that way or we want to fit in we are brainwashed sheep. Another words if we do not agree with their utopian view of autism we are lazy. Sound familiar?
We sometimes or all the time feel neither really autistic nor NT stuck in between somewhere. We are the neurological equivalent to a half breed, rejected by both sides of the “autism wars” we learn to hate the words Autism, Autistic, Aspie but we can not run away from who we are.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
In addition, those of us who have achieved any measure of success in the business or social contexts are accused of only being "lucky" by more severely-autistic people. To those people, none of our efforts, none of our persistence, and none of our suffering has anything to do with being successful. To them, it all comes down to the flip of a coin, the roll of the dice, or the turn of a card -- just be in the right place at the right time and the fates will smile upon you and give you all of the benefits of being neurotypical, and all for doing nothing at all.
So we feel that instead of being examples of how to overcome a disability, we are instead held up as people who have somehow "cheated" the system. The very people whom we want to inspire and encourage see us only as undeserving of our successes (at best) or as detractors (at worst) of their situations.
The hell with them.
_________________
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,571
Location: Long Island, New York
In addition, those of us who have achieved any measure of success in the business or social contexts are accused of only being "lucky" by more severely-autistic people. To those people, none of our efforts, none of our persistence, and none of our suffering has anything to do with being successful. To them, it all comes down to the flip of a coin, the roll of the dice, or the turn of a card -- just be in the right place at the right time and the fates will smile upon you and give you all of the benefits of being neurotypical, and all for doing nothing at all.
So we feel that instead of being examples of how to overcome a disability, we are instead held up as people who have somehow "cheated" the system. The very people whom we want to inspire and encourage see us only as undeserving of our successes (at best) or as detractors (at worst) of their situations.
The hell with them.
As many of you know I post up news stories about both positive and negative things about the autistic experience.
Usually when I post a story about an autistic that has accomplished something it gets one or two replies if any at all. If I post a news story about an autistic getting abused or killed, or news about a study that indicates Autistics have a higher rate of some malady that will get many more responses.
I understand that positive stories can make the depressed more depressed because it makes them feel not only distant from NT’s but other autistics which can seem worse. I do get this, nothing makes me feel more perturbed then motivational speakers and tearjerker movies where the protagonist through pure positivity and willpower overcomes seemingly impossible odds and lives happily ever after. That solution works for some people but is counterproductive for most. My purpose in positing these accomplishment stories is not to make you feel depressed, not to make you feel like you are a failure because you have not had the success of the subject of the news story. It is just to demonstrate that a future of complete failure is not a forgone conclusion.
I understand most autistics do not have nearly the executive functioning/initiation skills of Fnord. Hell most NT’s don’t have that. If I had that life he had constant physical and verbal abuse at home, homeless not only would I probably not only turned it into a successful military stint, career, marriage, family I would probably be dead. Success for each person is different, most of us won’t become Fnord or Alex or the people I post about because we are not them. Their methods and attitudes may not work for us but at least some of them might be helpful if we take the time listen to what they say.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
ThePerfectionist
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 10 May 2019
Age: 24
Posts: 31
Location: Deep within the depths of my vast mind
ThePerfectionist
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 10 May 2019
Age: 24
Posts: 31
Location: Deep within the depths of my vast mind
youcameandchanged
Raven
Joined: 11 Jul 2018
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 106
Location: It's for me to know, and for you to find out
This song reminds me of a very specific problem of mine about how I changed so many things about myself to fit in. And these passages remind me of my dilemma about how that may actually have been necessary.
"I had to make them changes, I hope you understood
You see for every bad, I did a ton of good
But you was underground, and I was mainstream
I live the life now, that we would daydream"
In childhood, I had a bad temper. And I didn't have a trauma or an overlying issue that caused it, I was just like that. Sad to say, but if I never wanted to fit in this much, I would have seen no reason to control it. I shudder to think what kind of person I would probably be by now if I wasn't blackmailed into controlling my temper. Would I be like this one woman who beat up a kid last Halloween and all that she could say about it was a nonchalant "I was just letting out some steam"? 'Cause that was my old mindset. I only started to care about what people said when it turned out there were reasons to.
"But you was underground, and I was mainstream"
I personally interpret that as "You weren't adaptable, but I was." I developed a fake self out of trauma and as I said above, I strangely believe there were some benefits to it even though it was otherwise a bad idea.
"Quazimodo" by Lifehouse
"You could be right
And I'll be real
honesty
Won't be a pain
You'll have to feel
Cause I don't need
Your approval to find
My worth I've been trapped
Inside of my own
Mind afraid to open
My eyes to what I'd
Find I don't want to
Live like this anymore
There goes my pain there
Goes my chains did you
See them fall there
Goes this feeling that
Has no meaning there
Goes the world off
Of my shoulders there
Goes the world off of
My back there it goes
Does it scare you that
I can be something
Different than you
Would it make you
Feel more comfortable
If I wasn't you can't
Control me you can't
Take away from me who
I am have you ever felt
That your only comfort
Was your cage you're not
Alone I have felt the
Same as you have you ever
Felt like your secrets
Give you away you're not
Alone I have been there,
Too everyone is looking
And everybody is laughing
But I think everyone feels
The same everybody wants
To feel okay everybody
Wants to everybody wants
To feel 'cause you can't
Change me you can't break
Me there goes the world
Off of my shoulders there
Goes the world off of
My back 'cause
I don't want it"
_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.
If you crave New Wave...
Yaz/Yazoo’s “In My Room” from the 80’s.
Despite the obvious Lord’s Prayer (which for me was very indicative of the rest of the world), it always felt like my head.
https://youtu.be/fsTK6TZnsB8
I stand alone and watch the clock
I only wait for it to stop
And in the room locked up inside me
The cutout magazines remind me
I sit and wait alone in my room
And in my room against the wall
There is picture very small
A photograph I took some years ago
It shows a picture of the room I know
I sit and wait alone in my room
The walls are white and in the night
The room is lit by electric light
I stand and watch the clock
I only wait for it to stop
The doors are shut and all the windows lock
The only sound is from the clock
I sit and wait alone in my room
The walls are white and in the night
The room is lit by electric light
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,571
Location: Long Island, New York
Since Dr. John died this week we should not forget his most famous tune.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
SoapOnARope
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 18 Jan 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 25
Location: Trapped inside this Octavarium
Without a doubt section of the song Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence (specifically section 6, degree 5 "Solitary Shell"), by Dream Theater:
He seemed no different from the rest
Just a healthy normal boy
His mama always did her best
And he was daddy's pride and joy
He learned to walk and talk on time
But never cared much to be held
And steadily he would decline
Into his solitary shell
As a boy he was considered somewhat odd
Kept to himself most of the time
He would daydream in and out of his own world
But in every other way he was fine
He's a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself in his solitary shell
A temporary catatonic madman on occasion
When will he break out of his solitary shell
He struggled to get through his day
He was helplessly behind
He poured himself onto the page
Writing for hours at a time
As a man he was a danger to himself
Fearful and sad most of the time
He was drifting in and out of sanity
But in every other way he was fine
He's a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself in his solitary shell
A momentary maniac with casual delusions
When will he be let out of his solitary shell
_________________
AQ50: 41/50
EQ: 4/80
RAADS-R: 188
RDOS:
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 151/200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 59/200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
A song from Ramses Shaffy about freedom of a individual , its called "Laat me" ( Let me )
Perhaps I live in a wrong era
Or light is different around here
For I feel always lost a little
Although the mirror shows my face
I know the pubs and the cathedrals
From Amsterdam up to Maastricht
But even so I'll get lost daily
'Cause that brings balance in a life
Let me, let me
Let me live life in my own way
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
I won't forget my friends, my loved ones
Who I once loved, I still do love
And I should know where they are living
But lost their letters and address
Still we will meet again at some time
Perhaps today or maybe in a year
And I will kiss them and embrace them
It will turn out right effortless
Let me, let me
Let me live life in my own way
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
And fortunately I'm not anchored
Sometimes I live here, sometimes there
I didn't waste my life, or spoil it
Have no belongings or complaints
I love the earth and I love water
I love expensive, I love cheap
I never ever saved a nickel
I live just simply by the hour
Let me, let me
Let me live life in my own way
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
At some time I will die, undoubtedly
No way I can escape, avoid
But then my songs can roam and wander
You'll have to find out for yourself
But for the moment, I'm your singer
Your black sheep and your loyal fan
I will stay long, or rather longer
But let me just be who I am
Let me, let me
Let me live life in my own way
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
Let me, let me
Let me live life in my own way
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
Let me, let me
Let me, let me
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
Let me, let me
Let me, let me
Let me, let me
This is what I have always done
Let me
So many... Music has been my primary coping mechanism for years. Anyway recently been listening to a band called Katatonia.
From song 'Deliberation'
The red circle holds the only light
Break down my perspective
And notify everyone when the time is right
My mouth remains inactive
From song 'Follower'
Hurts to see, my incapacity
Shame, idle mind
- No, you have changed me
My mouth is shut
Stupidity has shut my mouth
So when you come,
I'm too unprepared to come along
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