What ''should'' I do when joining a bus stop?

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i dont normally get buses because im a bus driver myself, but when i do, i just wait with them. but i suppose its easier for me to say because i dont have social anxiety so i've never worried about how im standing or where i put my hands or where i look, etc, when waiting for a bus with other people at the stop.

if you get that social anxiety feeling than just stand by the bus times thing and pretend you're reading the bus times. that will distract your mind off the other people, and if people walk past your back will be to them so you wont have to feel awkward when they are passing. then when you feel more settled at the bus stop and the other people standing there have now established that you are another passenger waiting them them, then you can finish looking at the bus timetable and just stand and wait for the bus.

i suppose with social anxiety is is hard to know what to do to act casual, like where to put your hands and how to make eye contact with strangers and so on.

I don't have AS but I behave exactly as you do at bus stops and I think most people feel the same. It's a little awkward as you don't know anyone and you wouldn't be choosing to stand with them if it weren't for catching the bus. I wouldn't talk to anyone I didn't know at a bus stop unless they asked for the time or something. I think mobile phones are great for that kind of situation.
I also think the person who moved your bag was rude and I would find that a bit intimidating.

I just keep my head down. "Nothing to see here, move along". I absolutely FREAK OUT if I have to sit beside someone on the bus and worse if they are chatty. On flights I seem to have less of a problem dealing with chatty companions. But, I honestly think it's a social anxiety thing ...not sure if it is an aspie thing.

I don't know either.

I don't mind them chatting whilst the bus is stationary but I don't like it when they talk all the way through the journey.

1 I can't hear what they are saying over the noise of the bus engine and other people talking

2 I want to enjoy watching the scenery out of the window, the feeling of motion of the bus and processing my thoughts without having to deal with someone chitty chatting at me at that moment in time.

3 I can't put my headphones on to block out any unpleasant noise if they insist on yapping on.

I don't mind if they want to talk again at the stop or when the bus is stationary but talking to me when I am riding a moving bus is like trying to talk to me when I am reading or stitching. I am likely to feel annoyed and want them to shut up. Although I won't say that to them as it would be rude. Instead I smile and nod politely and hope they get off the bus very soon...

Usually I have my gym bag and backpack on the seat next to me though so that solves that problem!

As to anxiety, I only feel anxious about chatting to people if they are

1 loud
2 aggressive
3 a date

I get horribly nervous on dates, knock things over, mix my words up, stutter, worry they wont' come back again and lo' and behold they don't...

I hate social anxiety, it makes me look like a gooseberry and I am quirky enough as it is.

I have not forgotten the last date I had and the long silence that I got from the person when I openly admitted that I get emotionally excited when I see a pair of stripey socks (I love them! I have lots of them and stripey gloves too...I love stripes). I don't think they got it...

People usually say I am weird.

Last edited by bumble on 07 Nov 2013, 12:58 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Why are people nervous or awkward at bus stops?

Do you live in a violent or high crime area or something?

The point of a bus stop is for people to wait for and catch a bus. You often end up with a number of people doing so. I am there to get the next bus, as are the other people there, no need to feel awkward. We all have the same purpose. We are all just primates going about our lives.

Do you also feel nervous at public swimming baths when there are other people in the pool as it is a similar thing? Only instead of waiting for a bus you are all there to splash about and swim.

I went swimming today but had the luxury of having the entire pool to myself as it was not very busy. But I have had conversations with people whilst idling in the deep end. I will talk to anyone who does not seem to be aggressive or too loud (very loud people are um, very loud and make me feel uncomfortable). Although I will mostly ask questions and let them do the talking. I like my chit chats in short bursts though. I have to reboot my brain after each one I guess is the best way to describe it.

I am friendly until I start getting tired, then I need to retreat for personal quiet time...

I'm not nervous but I do think it's awkward. I think it's standing in close proximity to people with nothing particular to do makes me self conscious of how I'm standing etc. At the swimming baths I'd be swimming so wouldn't be so self conscious as to what I should be doing. It's not something that bothers me greatly but having my phone to mess with makes me feel a bit less awkward.