How do you respond when people ask you if you are ret*d ?

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You need to put this in context. These are police officers not psychology professors. My guess is that they did not understand the connotation of their question in relation to the OP. They are establishing the complainants case by questioning the OP. Secondly they obviously have not dealt with working with people with disabilities in their training and clearly were not aware of the potential for insult in using the term ret*d to the OP without taking into consideration the OP's cognitive perception of the term.

At the end of the day we need to be objective and not emotive when dealing with NTs. The police officer asked a question which the OP clearly should have just said a resounding "no". That should have been the end of it.

have never understood why intelectual disability-otherwise known as learning disability here is used as an insult,am learning disabled and have contributed a lot to society in different ways like most people with learning disability,we probably do it more than the dole huggers in their mothers basements who sit there posting on forums or saying ret*d to someone because they think they are somehow better.
haveing LD just means we have a lower limit on information processing which affects us in different ways it doesnt make us stupid or worthless.

this is what tend to say to people am called ret*d by,it happens in the streets and onliune.
but sometimes will just laugh at them and think am not here to educate them they coud do that themselves if they have the brain power they think they have.

KingdomOfRats, it's all about how people measure each others' value. Some people--especially in our culture--believe that the smarter you are, the more you're worth. They're wrong, but that's why they might use "ret*d" as an insult--it implies that you are not as valuable because you're not as smart.

They don't realize that people don't have to be smart to do useful things. They don't know that people with intellectual disabilities can have talents and skills. I don't know who it was that thought "smart" meant "better", instead of being just another talent a person might have, but the idea seems to have caught on.

Yes, I did mention that later on--that I believed the officer was using outdated terminology to ask a reasonable question, rather than attempting to insult someone.

There are two uses of "ret*d" in common language. The first is in relation to many NTs and some Aspies who deploy it as a derogatory term. I even hear it on TV. Almost 100% of Australian NTs use it in schoolyards to denote somebody doing something stupid or who are slow in understanding something...it's as common among teenagers as the s-word or the f-word.

The second relates to the scientific use where it describes somebody with an IQ < 70. My guess is the police officer was trying (in an ignorant manner) to use it in the second way but obviously made a big hash of it.

KOR, NTs are highly competitive creatures and any sign of social or intellectual weakness is enough to prevent that person making friends, getting a job or getting married. Social liberalism has tried to correct these flaws in society judging people prematurely based on appearance, intellectual capacity or developmental delays. Nowadays there is some progress in that recognition is being made that people with intellectual disabilites can infact contribute to society in many ways (not just economic). The concept of social capital is beginning to recognise that society can benefit holistically from community mindedness and social inclusion rather than through olden day stratification which culminated in the eugenic ethic in the 1920s that some people are a life not worthy of living. Unfortunately eugenic attitudes are still with us today and has not gone away.

Last edited by cyberdad on 01 Dec 2013, 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes that's what I thought.

What if it was an hilarious pug?

I've never been seriously asked if I was ret*d. I have been asked in a half serious sort of way if I was ret*d when I've done something extremely stupid and my response was along the lines of "Apparently so, in regards to this subject" because I agreed that what I had done was stupid. But that example used the word in the vernacular and in a way that seems to piss off every single person on this forum. However, the person asking me was not on this forum.

Considering that I have a zero tolerance for insults, unkind people, stupidity, ignorance, and bulls*** from growing up around 'Nam vets, and being a vet myself; I do NOT handle it very well. I have a thermo-nuclear temper when it comes to people saying such things about me or anyone else. I am fiercely protective of anyone that I feel needs my help. People just plain do NOT understand how incredibly painful and insulting it is when they say something like that. I can understand why it would cause you some distress. People think that just because a person has a disability they can use them as a scapegoat. (A perfect example is Joe Arridy-look up for full story)
I think that this neighbor's fear of what he does not understand is the guiding force in his actions. When he says stuff like "I pity you," I would be telling him that I pity him for his lack of understanding, kindness, and comprehension. It has always served me well in the past.

"Yes, and still most likely official smarter then you."

"Yes, and what is your excuse for behaving like an idiot?"

Gotta add, that since now, I did not use that answers to officials like police, have yet not been asked that way. Around here, "Are you ret*d, or whats up with you?" is sadly a saying, that is used, if someone acts somehow weird, but its normally not meant in the meaning. I do like the mentioned responses, because normally it lets foreigners shut up. Around my home area, I have yet not admitted to be official ret*d, but because of people knowing me, and as well that I am a bit weird but friendly, people have yet not asked me in that rude way if I was ret*d.

This is an interesting conversation to read. "ret*d" (despite years of penetration through US imported mass-media) still doesn't have anything like the power in the UK to offend as it does in the US. In fact I'm struggling to think of an equivalent. "Joey", perhaps? But even that's died a death now.

Nothing, because it hasn't happened to me yet.

jeez. that's terrible. this cop needs sensitivity training. regardless of whether a person has an intellectual disability or not - hypothetically, speaking - that's still no way to go about the inquiry.

I think police are supposed to cover working with people with disabilities, gays, the elderly, ethnic and religious minorities as part of their training on community relations. This chap must have not passed this unit.

A) its almost comical to hear that someone actually heard the phrase "are you ret*d?" away from the playground, and being said literally. Like when you hear "Are you insane?" its never meant literally "have you been clinically diagnosed with psychosis?". Its always used in hyperbole.

B) It still comes off an insult. It doesnt matter if you're on the spectrum, or are NT. If you had responded to the cop by saying "No, are YOU?" youd probably be arrested for assaulting an officer.

So all you can do is respond by saying 'no'.

The cop could have said something like " have you been offically diagnosed by a doctor as being ret*d?" - or some such way- to make it sound more like a disspationate request about your medical history- and not like a playground insult among school kids.

I don't know if doctors officially diagnose people as "ret*d" anymore.

I forget whether I responded to this thread before, so whatever. I've been thought to be ret*d by various people throughout my development. In sixth grade, (and I forget the context, but this came in response to behaviour I seem to have felt was perfectly within bounds) a girl turned me and asked me, "Are you physically or mentally ret*d?" In high school, I got to know a person who in middle school would make fun of me and to whom I would respond with confused silence. He told me thought I was ret*d at first. And I've found out from a person, whose family my family has been close friends with for 20 years and who went to elementary school with me, that people used to ask her whether I was ret*d. [She realized several years before me that I have Asperger's. Wish she'd told me.]