for older members: what was it like to have autism back then

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Bingo. I always just thought I was a space cadet, not only that, but I was ashamed of it and didn't know what to do about it or why I was that way.

I am 41. Well just turned last month. I am not sure how it affected me.

When I was young I had a lot of problems. I was not diagnosed till last year. They did not have ADHD when I was young. I was just labeled as lazy, and a trouble maker. I would get in trouble in class and they made me sit under a table in the back of the room. Unfortunately as a young boy I found out that I did not like getting teased for being weird so I could be accepted if I acted out as a clown. I am gifted with an ability to think quickly and unfortunately almost everything I say sounds sarcastic to the NT person.

I was often in detention, suspended but never held back. I always had a problem with what I perceived as justice and equality. I have double standards. I got in a fight in 7th grade because the school bully was teasing a girl (I thought I was defending her honour) and stabbed him after he attacked me and was arrested. After that I was labeled as violent and at risk. I have been told by adult teachers that I would never amount to anything.

I needed to make a change. So I talked my mother into letting me attend the private school if I worked to to make money. In 9th grade I went to the private school. After being tested they determined I needed to be in gifted programs. After I left my first 8 years behind me .. I received generally good Marks. I scored exceptionally well on the ACT and went to a university.

Its always been ironic that I was labeled a trouble maker unable to follow rules and in need of special education classes for being lazy and dumb; and then to proceed to high grade, chess club and then university.


I have thousands of stories that are typical of Aspie nature. Even my son is Aspie. But somehow I was never smart enough to realize so many flags that poped up that said I was Aspie. When I was finally diagnosed and told my family and close friends .... they said we have known for years.

I had never heard of autism when I was young and didn't hear of Aspergers till two or three years ago.
Because of meltdowns I was sometimes considered to be bad-tempered and explosive. Because I was very quiet I was said to be a loner, deep, standoffish, anti-social, miserable, poor company, aloof. I was frequently told to join in more with other kids, to be 'more like your sister'.
One day my grandmother told me (I was about nine years old at the time) that unless I changed my ways I'd end up a tramp living on the streets. I think people thought I was being awkward deliberately. I thought that I was a tongue-tied misfit incapable of enjoying life, I was bewildered as to why I felt like an outsider, even among my own family. I knew that some people thought me strange and I think I believed them for far too long.
Obviously this is a fine way to start out, I ended up drinking myself into AA, where, thank god, I found people I could identify with more than not. (I wonder how many alcoholics are Aspies).
Finding out about Aspergers, on the net, was wonderful in that I recognised myself immediately, it explained so much and then I knew that IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I was formally diagnosed in May 2015, at the age of 58 and I'm still learning about the condition and coming to terms with it.

+2 (and I'm sure more)

Minor, individual bits aside on the personal story, it is very much the perfect description of attitudes and knowledge at that time.

However, I am one of those that always craved human contact. Yet, when grounded for things, I was always relieved that it was a reason to not go outside and interact with anybody. I never got grounded from watching TV or playing games. I went into solitary confinement in the room LOL My parents pulled no punches LOL No half measures there.

But, believe it or not, it was a relief. And, being able to just 'zone out' in my mind, was even better because I was 'never where they thought I was' by way of 'not being grounded' in my mind.

Does that make sense?

And, many behaviours were 'drummed out' of us by way of severe punishments that are actually illegal these days. Schools would employ corporal punishment. Parents had no qualms about that. And if you came from the south, you were definitely being raised to be on your own when leaving school. And, many had to leave school in later grades to help the family.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 3, in the early 1960s, but I didn't know what autism was, really, until I was about 9, when I saw an ad about it on TV. A brother of one of my good friends had severe autism (couldn't speak, spun objects, etc). I, myself didn't speak until age 5 1/2.

I thought I was "brain-injured/damaged." A little after my autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with brain-damage. I knew there was something wrong with me, but I really didn't care too much. I didn't really have the awareness, until I was maybe 9 or so, that there was something really WRONG with me. I just went about my business, info-dumping people, showing, say, that I knew all the capitals in the world. I thought I was impressing people; instead, I was boring people.

I was taunted severely, teased, and sometimes punched. I just thought it was part of being a kid who didn't know how to fight. I didn't have a happy childhood, and couldn't wait to be an adult. In retrospect, I didn't suffer as much as some other people here did as a kid, though it didn't feel all that great at the time.

I did okay academically; I thought I was smart. I knew lots of facts, but I had no critical thinking skills. I used to think I had brain surgery to cure me of whatever so-called retardation I had as a very young child.

When I was 11, I was transferred from a special school to regular school. At the same time, I became more aware of things, including how different I was. My behavior got worse, and I was thrown out of class all the time. The bullying and taunting got worse, and I used to get mildly physically hurt somewhat frequently. I also tore some kid's wrist ligaments when he would stop calling me ret*d. I had no friends, and I isolated myself in my apartment, watching TV, pretending I was in a coma, playing football with pennies, things like that. I also did lots of lying, and threw lots of tantrums. I had an apathetic mindset, and didn't really care how I did in school (though I actually did okay academically).

I transferred back into a school for gifted underachievers. I was still lonely, was ostracized by my peers. However, my intellect began to develop. I was still apathetic, but my critical thinking skills started to develop. I actually did pretty well in English and Social Studies, to the point where the teachers in my school thought I was pretty smart. I still got thrown out of class, but I didn't throw as many tantrums. I started liking girls, but I was rejected by them because of my weirdness and my short stature.

I know this doesn't apply to me, but I always knew fore my brother was a fellow Autistic.