Worst new year's eve ever

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It's all too confusing for me, I just don't understand how someone like me can live a happy and rewarding life in this world. Despite being intelligent, it is failure after failure. I'm glad to hear your symptoms are minimal now, that is good. I live in Abbotsford, it's a s**thole lol.



Reading this post made me want to blow my head off, I literally get a headache trying to understand that. I just don't see the point of it because it logically makes zero sense to me. I guess I need to let go of "reason" and trying to understand it all and just follow the sheep and make useless conversation all day everyday to validate the NTs and their society. Either that or I can drink a few beers and down a bunch of muscle relaxants and hope I don't wake up.

New Year's for me wasn't as exciting this year as it was last year. Last year I went up to Newark, NJ to a small party of 5 or 6 people total, got everyone drunk, got kisses and such. It was fun because I was familiar with 4 of the people there, so I didn't panic.

This year I stayed at home and patiently waited for midnight. Didn't get as drunk but didn't spend a ton of money or throw up either.

You guys are lucky to have people to go out partying with, I have close to nobody to ask...

I don't either. My two friends from when I was younger both moved away.

I don't, either. I was actually happily alone on Christmas and New Year's Eve but if I had wanted to be with someone, I wouldn't have had anyone. I just happened to be happy with the only choice I had.

Well lets see. For new years. I went skiing for the day and when that was over I did the Christmas ferry boat ride to see all the Christmas lights on the lake and what was cool about that ferryboat ride was I had the whole upper deck all to myself. And when that was over. I went to the indoor water park and stay all the way up until midnight and I did all that by myself. I understand the pain of being all alone in this world all too well. especially on the holidays. But who says that they have to be boring. For as much as it hurts to be alone, dwelling on it only makes it worse.

I was in bed by ten, so it wasn't a bad new years eve for me, although I've had some terrible ones. The worst ones were back in my early 20's and late teens. I've ended up in the ER, left in a bad part of town, on the highway running from the cops, and of course the obligatory throwing up on the ground outside. Those were not all the same new years eve. So basically, when I was young and alone on new years I thought it was terrible, then when I went out on new years it was worse. Although the worse ones were pretty much my fault cause I'm not great at decision making and I'm very impulsive. It'll get better as you get older. It's not all it's made out to be.

I was wished happy new year by a bus driver, but then I spend a lot of time on them. That was about it.

I wish myself a happy new year anyway.

I am beginning to think the company of human beings is over rated. At least when I am on my own I don't have to put up with the bog awful belief system that is doing the rounds lately (this judging everything all the time and chasing perfectionism, superior and inferior, hierarchy and worthlessness bollocks and all that...gah don't see how anyone can have any fun in life when they spend their time obsessed with their own egos all day...I'd just like to spend my free time doing things I enjoy as long as they don't harm anyone (myself included) I can't be arsed to live with my head rammed up the arse of my own ego 24/7 like most people seem to do. What a waste of a life!).

Miserly miserable buggers most humans. Too obsessed with living up to silly expectations they make for themselves and creating problems where there arn't any (like worrying about big bills when they spend all their money on over priced fancy techno goods that they don't actually really need but which consumerism and advertisers have convinced them they do). If you don't want the stress of debt don't spend your money on crap you don't really need then...

My New Year's Day/night was horrible and I wasn't alone. Well, I was surrounded by people that I may have talked with, was ignored by the rest and still managed to feel incredibly alone at the end of the night.

Towards the end of 2013 I decided to act more normal by going out, being int he company of people, drinking and having sex, but it didn't do me much good. I'm more depressed than ever before. When you're this different you're always going to feel like this unless you find people who like you for who you are.

Anyway I have to live with my regrets for partying too hard.

In hindsight, there's one girl I could've asked to go over to her place and get drunk. But there was the possibility of.....things happening. Not to mention I would have to drive home later in the night.

So would you say having Aspergers is kind of like the worst of both worlds? Meaning you desire socializing but can't obtain it?

I mean for me anything social I do is purely obligatory. Even spending time with my best friend is based more on doing so because that's what he wants. I mean I enjoy the activity and interacting, but it is not something I go looking for or yearn for.

This makes me feel like I don't fit in with either NT's or people with Aspergers.

Sometimes im not even sure my self. It seems so clean in my head, the problem is putting it into words it often becomes a giant mess in my posts, saying a whole lot without saying anything.

For me it is the worst of both worlds. It might not be for all. Because it is painful to see other people having partys and having fun, or when you see people go together outside at night in holidays having a girlfriend or boyfriend. I mean i might be stupid, but im not that stupid, sure i can lie to myself somewhat.

Do i want a girlfriend or friends ? no. But really deepdown if i could then yes, its kinda a paradox. Because i know they have something i will never have. I can hardly communicate with people on the internet.

It is hell, because its full of contradictions. Do i wanna be alone yes ?, do i enjoy being alone and silence yes ?, Do i wish i could have friends and gf yes ?. It makes no sense.

But i guess its more the what if , that probably causes it, that if i were normal. because i dont know what i am messing per say, but i know what im missing when i watch other people, you can see when 2 people sit close together, they have something special. i might not understand it, but im not blind.

Tbh i dont think i would fit in with either NT or aspergers, not that ive meet anyone in real life that i know have it, but i imagine aspergers have a new set of problems, if you are 2 or more people together than dont know how to interact with other people. then its kinda pointless. It would be like being at those LAN parties back in the day, that was easy socalled socializing, because you were together with 400 other people, but everyone just sad at their own computer minding their own business.

I worked a shift at Walmart that day, so I was more than happy to just go home and enjoy the relative silence. Watched FUTURAMA and TWILIGHT ZONE, barely even noticed when it crossed over into midnight/2014.

All I've been thinking about for a while is one of my friends, who was diagnosed with leukemia in June. He's had fungal pneumonia for 2-3 weeks now, is lying in a hospital bed on an intubator, sedated...and each day is an uncertainty as to whether or not he's going to make it/get better...plus, he's in another town and I can't get there to see him.

Other than the obvious "things could always be worse" thing (which sounds incredibly condescending--sorry if I implied that) I guess I'm just saying that my mind was...elsewhere.

Happy 2014 to all of you. I hope that things get better for everybody, period.

Hey there! I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way. Do you live near any family members? Did you ever try to contact and ask them if you could spend some time with them on New Year's eve? Sometimes, it never hurts to spend time with some family on New Year's eve. I always spend time with family on New Year's eve because lots of friends or acquaintances I know usually spend time with their families during the holidays.

If you feel like that the people you know don't care about you, then screw them. You should try to find an Autism or Asperger's organization in or near your area. Through the groups, you can make friends with other Aspies and learn to improve your social skills. Also, go to Meetup.com and find interest groups in your area. That will also help you find newer friends.