What if you'd gotten the support you needed as a child?

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If I had gotten a diagnosis as a kid, my father would have professionally been agreed, that I am a walking shame for him, and would have hidden me in the cellar, and denied me any human rights forever because of an professional diagnosis telling him, that I am less worth then an human but only some ret*d thing that puts shame on him.

Dont see anything good about that.

I dont play "What/When/If..." games. The life I had leaded to me being the person that I am, and thats maybe not great, but as well not awful. So no use about bothering.

I might have been diagnosed sooner in life, but every time I had an appointment to see a psychologist I used to do a disappearing act.

The fact of the matter is, is that as a child I didn't even think that there was anything wrong with me, I was fine and it was everyone else with the problem.

I think a diagnosis would have made my already bad behaviour even worse.

There was a point in my life when I was young where I did get a lot of support, it wasn't because I had Aspergers though, it was because I was locked up in a secure unit and just given a hell of a lot of attention.

Wow, lots of more good points here. It really does seem like every approach has its benefits and drawbacks, and in the end you just have to accept what you got, and take the bad with the good.

I'm still struggling with that, and feel like I was lied to all my life – told that I was normal, and that I was capable of achieving anything I wanted in life. Only to fail over and over again, and feel like it was my fault – and that I had no excuse, because I was highly intelligent (and that's all anyone needs in order to succeed, right?)

So I've felt like my entire life was a complete lie, just a cruel joke, and the punch line is that I can't succeed at any of the things people expected of me, and I was destined to fail all along.

I agree with the point that once you're diagnosed with autism, it changes your outlook, and your belief in what you are able to accomplish. If I hadn't been diagnosed two years ago, I probably would have continued to "act NT", and dive headfirst into more jobs and relationships that I couldn't handle.

But I'm glad that I've stopped that insanity. I'm glad to finally realize that I'm schizoid and asexual, that I don't even want to be in a relationship, and that it's completely okay. I'm glad to know that my ridiculous 'breakdowns' all my life weren't just because I was weak and pathetic, but because I have severe sensory and brain processing issues that other people just don't have to deal with.

I'm not sure how I feel about starting over at 42. In theory I think I could work up the courage to try something, and potentially fail again. But I would need a good reason to justify the attempt, and the monumental effort it would entail. At this point I'm feeling like I really should accept my blessings along with my challenges, and be grateful that my failed marriage has resulted in lifelong spousal support, so I probably will never need to work. And with unemployment the way it is, I figure I'm leaving a job open for someone who needs it more than I do.

As for volunteer work, I've had bad experiences with that. Too many times I've worked myself ragged to help others, only to be treated like dirt – and then when I mysteriously fall apart and let people down, everyone is angry with me. I don't particularly want to repeat that experience again.

So I really do have to be strategic about what I get myself into, but I'm grateful to finally understand my challenges and limitations, so I can avoid getting in over my head in the future. Anyway, thanks for all the responses – it's really helping me to put things in perspective, and see my life as not so much of a cruel joke but... I don't know, I guess it was a learning experience. In which I learned very slowly.

I was diagnosed as a child and I DID get the support I needed when I was a child too. Unfortunately I have still become an emotionally insecure adult. Mind you, I can't get the right support I need now as an adult.

It’s a really interesting question. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know. As I probably would have waived the white flag and given up.

Last edited by Rocket123 on 07 Feb 2014, 12:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

no, i had a really terrible school grades and had a lot of meltdowns as a child but it was pretty much worth it. now im stronger than i could ever be

I don't believe that my life would've necessarily been better or worse, just different. When we keep asking ourselves all of these "what if" questions, we tend to ruminate over things which could have gone better. But how much better would it have been, really? I mean sure, I would've learned appropriate social skills sooner, and probably wouldn't be as awkward as I am now. People may have been more lenient and understanding of my autism, so maybe I wouldn't be as depressed. But would I have had to work as hard to get good grades so I could prove to everyone that I wasn't mentally ret*d? Would I have had to find my strengths just to show them that I did have something to contribute to society? Maybe yes, maybe no. The thing is, I can't spend so much time thinking about something that never happened. I can only do what I can to help myself now.

My dad died before I was diagnosed. I shudder to wonder what he would have thought. He taught Yoga. Was all about nature and spiritual stuff. He wouldn't have agreed with the diagnosis. My mum also hated dealing with doctors. Us kids had to be stricken with yellow fever before she would take us to our GP.

It would have been a blow to my dad's own self-esteem seeing as we were most alike. I wish we could have both been diagnosed so I could finally feel comfortable talking to someone in the family about it.

No idea but to the best of my knowledge:
* I could have been seen as 'vulnerable' and that I was a potential victim of bullying and abuse and it wasn't in any way my fault.
* My obsessions could have been recognized and a fundamental part of who I am.
* I could have possibly been moved to a 'gifted' class where I probably could have thrived instead of being bored out of my mind
* I would have been eligible for test accommodations (used to freeze during tests).
* I would have never gone to Business school of at least seriously reconsidered it.
* I would have accepted myself as different, not 'weird' and knew why my peers rejected me.
* Might have actually gotten some REAL help, instead of the runaround and a psychologist who probably thought I was delusional.
* I could have understood I wasn't alone (I literally thought I was until I came here).
* I would understood the anguish, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, rejection was a 'normal' part of high functioning ASDs.
* My relatives might not have treated me like the black sheep.
* I would have understood being a very late bloomer is part of the condition and is 'normal'.

Having said that, there are some upsides:
* I didn't get labelled as diseased or defective.
* I was pushed to expand my boundaries and with an ASD diagnosis that probably wouldn't have happened as much.
* I would have been treated differently/less than human.
* Bullies might have MORE ammunition, knowing what triggers ASD kids to go off and take sadistic pleasure in that.
* "Experts" might not be able to see past a label.

I don't like to think about it because there's nothing I can do about it now.

In elementary school, at least one of my teachers suspected I had ADD. My mom didn't agree, so nothing was done. In 3rd grade, a teacher came to my regular class every day to take me to a special class where I did craft type stuff with about 6 other kids. I recently asked my mom about those classes, wondering why I went to them. She didn't remember.

I did okay up until around 6th grade. Then my grades started going down hill. My biggest problem was that I didn't do my homework. I had no interest in the classes, so I had no interest in doing the work.

In highschool, I finally had some classes that I was very interested in. I did well in biology, zoology, photography, shop, drafting and band. I did VERY poorly in my other classes. I barely graduated highschool.

I get depressed when I think of my life now compared to how it may have turned out if I had gotten help. People saw that I was having problems in school and instead of making an effort to figure out the underlying cause, I just got yelled at for getting bad grades. I often wonder if I would have done better in my life if my parents had listened to my teacher and I had gotten help early on.

I grew up in an upper middle class household. My dad had some fairly high-end clients, who he oftentimes “socialized” with (my dad’s form of socialization was talking business). As such, I was taught appropriate “social” skills early in life (by this, I mean proper manners, acting appropriately around guests, being respectful to elders, dressing appropriately for the situation, etc.). There were times, when I acted out (I remember kicking the teacher when I was in second grade, because she wouldn’t let me do what I wanted). Yet, I always behaved correctly around my father. As I was scared to death of him. LOL.

My parents did know something was wrong with me (anxiety, depression, being a loner, etc.). Which is why I was sent to therapy multiple times as a child.

If you add that up, I suppose I was afforded some of the support I needed as a child.

Ashariel,

This is a... loaded... potentially painful... and difficult topic... Not ready to deal with it in the depth it deserves, but I have a few things I would like to say...

While living in the present and planning for the future are good things, losses need to be grieved, history needs to be learned from...

It has a tendency to revisit those who ignore it...

As for pain... At times... it imparts strength and wisdom... but sometimes, as Freud said, a cigar is just a cigar

Two sayings I'm directing internally atm are these, regarding answering this fully...

"Tell me your greatest fear, so that I may know what I must force you to face"

"To grow, we must embrace what we fear"

Will do some deep thinking and pondering and get back to you...

Peace...

I'm going to think about it as a timeline that separates/branches out when different events occur. There are some where I was diagnosed as a child and some where I wasn't (which is what happened). This results in multiple possible futures for the "me's" that inhabit those timelines.

In the timelines where I was diagnosed as a child I'm assuming only about 10% of the "me's" are dead in 2014 from successful suicide attempts.

In the timelines where I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood I'm assuming around 50-75% of the "me's" are dead in 2014 from successful suicide attempts.

In some cases a diagnosis means support. I needed support and for someone to take me seriously but no one did.

I was diagnosed at age 12 and I feel the opposite about if I knew I had it before then. I may have just used it as an excuse and use it to hold me back because I would have taken it literal and following it like a bible and let it hold me back and bam I miss out. I may have acted worse too like I did at my school when I was 6 and 7 because I didn't know any better and it was school behavior. I was already getting my support before the label. I think if my parents knew then, my mom may have gone easier with me whenever I would get upset or start to yell or not acting my age. She may not have taken away my obsessions but she still would have shut me up about it of course. My mom may not have gotten on my back about not playing with kids my own age. I am glad I didn't even know I was truly different as a child until I was older because I may have taken it too literal and think rules shouldn't apply to me because I had been around special kids my whole life and they didn't have to do everything the rest of us were doing like staying in line, playing with a toy the teacher had out for us, not having to sit in the circle and you could just play with the toy animals, this boy being allowed to run in the class with his pants down showing his penis, this other boy being allowed to shout out numbers that ended with nine whenever we were counting. I did eventually take it all literal in my teens and started using AS as an excuse and thought rules shouldn't apply to me and I should get my way so good thing I didn't know when I was little. What clicked was when my therapist told me it was all wrong what the parents and teachers do so I realized that day I had learned the wrong lessons over the years and just because I am different doesn't mean I get special rules and get my way and my mom just wasn't one of those parents and she pulled me out of my school when she found out I was acting inappropriate there and put me in another school that was the closest to our neighborhood and I was in mainstream. She wanted me with normal kids who could act appropriate so I would learn those social skills since I was always copying and mimicking people so it was nothing new at age ten.

I don't think there was anything much different before the DX since I was already getting support and my mom knew I had something and she was always my teacher. I just consider myself lucky. I don't know if I would have gotten better treatment from my peers and friends if they knew than assuming I was stupid or dumb or ret*d or mean or rude and perhaps supported me more and not reject me but hard to tell since bullies still don't care if someone is autistic or not or have a disability that is invisible. My school knew I had problems but they didn't care and wanted to do things their way and their way is what made me frustrated and rebel to be treated normal because rules didn't apply to other kids and they only applied to me. But now I know they did that because I was special and I do notice how kids with disabilities get treated different than normal kids so they enforce the rules and social rules more to them than they do to normal kids. They ignore what normal kids do. They even thought I had behavior problems and thought I should be in some behavior program.

Well I wasn't diagnosed with ASD until I was 58; but, back when I was 10 (and a pure F student) I was diagnosed with cross dominance (kind of like dyslexia). Finally having a diagnosis of something my parents and school stopped trying to punish me into being a better student. More importantly it stopped me from punishing myself for not doing better. I suspect that getting and ASD diagnosis in my childhood would have stopped me from punishing myself very harshly for over 50 years for being weird and would have saved me endless pain and heart ache from trying to be an NT