Need Some Honest to God Help

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skibum
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25 May 2014, 6:28 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

You're reminding me of feeling that way in the past, and it's a good thing, because it reminds me just how far I've come. Sometimes I get a little frustrated having not made more progress in life/work/finances than I have to date, but when I stop and think about how far I've come from where I was - i.e. when you remind me of things like this - then I realize just how much I actually have changed and improved and am a whole lot more content with my progress. Present day, I can't recall the last time I actually consciously (or subconsciously) utilized a "mask," persona to get through something. I do consciously try to be more assertive/aggressive in some ways, and still have a long way to go on that, but I no longer hide behind a fictitious me just to navigate through some social interaction or another.. and it's a beautiful thing to realize that. Thanks for reminding me.

You're welcome. And thank you kindly for helping me, talking to me. Because I am extremely confused right now. And frustrated. A lot of frustration. Because I just don't know how to fix myself. Or if I should fix myself. Often times I describe myself as

"Someone so broken, I am aware that I am broken, but all I can do is patch up the pieces with duct tape"

I am a Man of Duct Tape. Constantly just taping over old wounds and old mistakes. Never learning from them. Never understanding them. Never knowing what is a mistake or what was miscommunication.

I don't ever like to think of myself as broken. I really think that Goldfish has done tremendous work and I am very inspired by what he has accomplished. But everyone is in a different place in his or her journey. If you are ready to do the kind of work that Goldfish did than you are ready and you should go for it. But if that is not where you are then that is okay too. Being who you are and having ASD does not make you broken or bad or freaky or stupid or crazy. It just means your neurology is different so you perceive and process things differently than NT's. That is all. And of course that gives us challenges, some more severe than others, but you should never place a value judgement on that. So don't think of yourself as broken. Even if you think of yourself as disabled, that is still not broken or the other mentioned adjectives. It simply means that clinically, mentally or physically, you have a more difficult time doing something that someone else might be able to to. Or perhaps there are things you might not be able to do. There is nothing bad about that, it is just what it is. But I think once you understand that you are not bad because of ASD, it will help you see things in a different light. Don't beat yourself up for ASD issues. I do sometimes so that is easier said than done. But once you understand that you are not willingly being this way or that way but it's because your brain understands things differently, that will help. And if NT's can understand that then shame on them.

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AceofKnaves
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25 May 2014, 6:31 pm

skibum wrote:

AceofKnaves wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

Thank you. Sometimes I forget this key part of myself. To not always look down at myself.

skibum
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25 May 2014, 6:36 pm

starkid wrote:

Yes, this is not uncommon at all. Several WP members here have made posts like yours; they get flamed or banned from forums and don't understand why. It's a social communication thing. The exact problem depends on the discussion you are in, but, in my opinion, it probably boils down to one of two things:

1. Person A enters discussion with the primary purpose to discuss specific topic. Everyone else's primary purpose is to socialize; the topic is secondary to them. Person A doesn't know this and shows their interest in the topic (long posts, bringing the subject up over and over again, trying to have in-depth back-and-forth discussion while others just post briefly and don't respond much to each other). Everyone else on the forum sees this as being "too serious" or even aggressive, and therefore not conducive to their goal (socializing). They are not aware that person A simply has a different goal, and assume person A is trolling.

2. Person A makes comments that should be taken literally; everyone else on the forum reads into the comments meaning that is not there. Somehow, the meaning they "infer" is invariably negative. Whatever they think person A is saying takes on a life of its on (especially since they all tend to agree about what person A is saying; they assume their agreement means that they are correct) and, over time, dictates their perception of person A until person A is generally considered to be an as*hole.

I am really glad you explained this because I had no idea that it happened like this and now I can see why some of my situations become disasters. And when I read the OP and I read the conversation he wrote about the spoilers I had absolutely no idea where it had gone wrong or why people would have been upset about it. I was completely baffled.

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skibum
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25 May 2014, 6:37 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

Next time, say what you mean instead of "Um Spoilers?" that people can interpret as something other what you mean.
I don't know what you mean when you say "Um Spoilers?", there is no way for me to know that you "wanted to know if it was safe for me to jump into the conversation of the few episodes I have seen".

I agree that you should have been more clear. I had no idea what you meant either but I still don't know why people would get angry about "um, spoilers". I really don't get at all what made people so upset about that.

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goldfish21
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25 May 2014, 6:38 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:

Areas of myself I see opportunities to improve upon:

-I'm too insecure
-Too shy
-Too nervous and awkward
-I feel like an observer

So that eventually I will feel confident, powerful, and respectable.

Edited.

Same list, different perspective. (and grammar corrected.)

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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

skibum
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25 May 2014, 6:40 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:

starkid wrote:

AceofKnaves wrote:

But even then, there is a question mark. So wouldn't that infere something other than....like for me there is a difference between

Um Spoilers! <---with an exclamation mark v.s Um Spoilers? <---with a question mark

Wouldn't they be virtually different and don't you read question marks different?

Um Spoilers? can be interpreted as a genuine question or as a statement formulated as a question for rhetorical effect. For example, imagine I make a post asking, "how can I make money?" The obvious answer is "get a job," but, instead of stating that directly, someone replies, "um...get a job?" They formulate the response as a question to show that the answer is obvious. So that could be the way the forum users interpreted your statement.

Oh I never really understood sarcasm and that kind of stuff. So I meant it the literal way.

I can see now how it was explained that it could have been taken sarcastically. But I still don't understand why people would get so angry about it.

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skibum
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25 May 2014, 9:04 pm

I think a lot of my trouble comes from how I perceive the conversation of others as well. it seems that I very often hear something very different from what the person is saying so I respond or react to what I hear and understand rather than what is being said. I often hear words that are said and somehow manage to isolate phrases and dwell on them or maybe take things out of context or even take some things literally or not understand that there is much more beneath what is being said. And people do that to what I say as well but when I say it they say it's my fault because I did not say it clearly or thoroughly enough. But when I hear it they say it's also my fault because I did not interpret or listen properly.

I have been told by others like bosses at jobs and people that I have met who have worked with me in different situations that I turn every single situation into a negative. How that is actually possible in terms of probability, I have no idea, but that is what I am told. So I think for sure that it must be me. No matter what the situation is, I manage to screw it up royally. That fact makes me very angry and can frustrated and has even led me to meltdown. But maybe this is an Aspie thing as well. It would give me comfort if it was. Does this fall under that lack of reciprocity category as described in the DSM5?

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Skilpadde
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26 May 2014, 2:12 am

AceofKnaves wrote:

"The show is 12 years old, spoilers don't apply"

In that situation at least it was all them being douches. Just because a series or a movie have existed some years doesn't mean everyone has seen it :roll:

I seriously wouldn't worry about people like that.
I haven't seen Firefly either, but a friend once claimed it was good, so I kinda wish to.

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26 May 2014, 4:47 am

I can actually kinda relate. Never do I get banned though but with forums, I always get a feeling of "not belonging" and never quite fully understood why. It's intriguing though. What do you call a forum reg who isn't considered a forum reg nor views theirself as a forum reg? I seem to get a little recognition but the forum I speak of is super clique-ish, it's vomit inducing. The popular forum regs are more likely to ignore the hell out me. Years ago it bothered me, now it doesn't :lol:
I've concluded I'm just a lone wolf, non conformist with eccentric thought processes that are amplified in online communication. Probably an Asperger's thing, but throughout my years of online foruming I've learned that offline is definitively where I am at my best despite socialization issues (improving though). Online my participation is nothing more than sharing my thoughts, minimal socialization, and no debating.
I'm not sure if anyone hates me online, it's more of a "silent shun" :lol:

PS: The forum I mention above is NOT wrongplanet. I haven't been here long enough to form an opinion yet.

AceofKnaves
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26 May 2014, 2:19 pm

What I seem to not understand online is

-If you have a Positive Opinion about something other people like, they accept it

but when you

-Have an opinion of something like and criticize it, they hate you and think you're a troll

I just don't follow.

skibum
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26 May 2014, 4:05 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:

Chalk it up to human nature! If they feel threatened they will respond like that. And if they are that insecure they will feel threatened.

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GiantHockeyFan
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26 May 2014, 4:15 pm

This is the ONLY forum that I have felt welcome in. For example, in my early 20s I was once a part of a Senior (19+) Hockey League forum and other members would blatantly personally attack me, even men older than my Grandfather saying some nasty stuff against the forum rules attacking my manhood because I wasn't a fan of fighting. I tried to offer an essay length constructive criticism on how to improve the fan experience and pointed out using stars of a foul mouthed Adult TV show for autographs isn't the smartest way to bring in children. I was told "we don't need negative people like you at our games" and what a shock that same league folded after the season after being a monumental disaster at the box office! When I tried to complain how my poor treatment my pleas were all ignored. The next day I tried to start up an intelligent discussion comparing this league to a more successful league and how they can take use the other league as an example to follow and it was all deleted as "off topic" when it clearly was far more on topic than the personal insults. Guess people are offended when somebody points out the obvious!

I also posted at a video game forum for years and my last three postings got exactly zero responses. I spent a lot of time and energy writing and it was like I didn't even exist: people even skip over my comments like I am invisible. I cannot figure out why for the life of me as I don't dominate threads, am always respectful and tactful and have been a member for years. I'm not the most popular member here by any means but at least I am not the person who everyone else had a secret meeting about to make sure they ignore me; at least that's what it seems like to me. This even happens in real life too no matter how much of a team player I go out of my way to be.

AceofKnaves
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26 May 2014, 4:21 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

I'm the same way sometimes. My threads always get views, but more like passing lurking views. Just no one ever responds. Only in WP have I felt people actually pay some attention to my mild incoherent rambling from time to time.

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27 May 2014, 4:11 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:

"Positive" opinions are considered conducive to socializing; criticism is considered unconducive to socializing. Typical NTs tend to read into everything, and criticism will lead them to infer a generally negative attitude, regardless of how the poster actually feel, regardless of whether or not the poster even feel anything at all!

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