Are aspies self-righteous?

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It's quite possible for an Aspergian to be self-righteous.

"Self-righteous" is a pretty loaded term. I think that it's often equated with a perception of someone feeling superior. Not sure how often that's accurate for us, but I do feel like we "know" a lot of things, which can get us in trouble socially. Even my Kindergarten teacher commented that I basically seemed like a "know-it-all".

For my part, I'm working on identifying and questioning my "red-flag" thoughts, such as "I know".
All of this makes "IKR?" rather troublesome.

I can be both self-righteous and spiteful, but I don't think my psychological condition has much to do with it. It's more likely that I'm a bit of a jerk. It's not intentional, but it's a natural reaction to what I see in my daily life. Many people I run into from day to day at my job are leading messy, over-complicated lives due to poor judgment and not knowing their limits. I don't preach to them or anything because I don't enjoy it and I doubt they would listen anyway, but I can be very noncommittal when I'm talking to someone like that.

I don't feel like I'm better than them, because that's wrong. But I feel like despite my own problems, I am easily avoiding the mistakes they seem to make so often, like spending money they don't have and ruining their credit, marrying someone with whom they are obviously not compatible, or having children they do not have the resources to support. Can't they see they are hurting themselves and dragging themselves down? Is that their idea of living? If so, leave me alone because I don't want any part of it. Quite frankly, the stuff I've seen has made me almost happy that I've been sitting alone in my room for most of my life.

I actually answered without thinking much.....
What is self-righteous?
It is not "know-it-all", "besser-wisser".

Is it wanting more rights than others?
Is it a conviction, that you are in your right despite, you cross the rights of others? (That is just being egotistical).

Most people have those characteristics, but I believe you describe the situation in reverse.
We display those characteristics because we do encounter them in others, especially in NTs.
Here's the difference.

For NTs those characteristics manifest intuitively through their subconscious, so they are normally not aware most times that these characteristics get expressed.
AS folks do pick up on all those times the characteristics get expressed, and simulate them.
The simulation is run in conscious thought, and that is the biggest difference. The expression is slightly different having been composed consciously, and the NTs will certainly pick up on this because it does not exactly match what they are conditioned to expect.
The NTs' impression will be that there is intent of malice on the part of the aspie, where they feel that there was no malice involved in their own expression of these characteristics.
This is due precisely to the fact that the NTs' experience came to them intuitively, and so they do not hold themselves fully responsible for any malice.
After all, they "can't help who they are" , - use as justification.

Further, they will often sense that the characteristics from the aspie were originated consciously, which seems very out of place to them. When the NT is filtering all of this through their identity, then the observation becomes biased in terms of "what does the apies' malice mean to me?"

The aspie would of course see nothing wrong in their imitation of NT behaviors, and thus be confused by the NTs reaction to it.

I've seen many instances where an aspie is trying to use logic and example to navigate an interaction with an NT, but all of it gets interpreted emotionally and personally by the NT.
The NT concludes both malice, and the self-righteous attitude.
Breaches of perceived hierarchies also create similar results.
The NTs have a perception of "who are you to talk that way to me?"
Literal honesty can also be perceived by NTs in this way as well.

The definition of self-righteous can only be applied in an atmosphere of perceived hierarchy.

I can be self-righteous and get upset if I feel deliberately ignored or left out. Whenever I am part of a group situation, knowing how it feels to be ignored as I was my entire school life, I am hypervigilant to ensure no one feels left out, gets pushed out of a conversation, or talked over about a completely different subject as if they aren’t speaking, or walked away from as if they weren't even there. I don't like it happening to me, so I try my best to ensure I don't do it to anyone else. I can fail on the speaking over people bit on occasion but never change the subject, just actively participating in what someone is discussing and will usually apologise if I cut them off.

Anyway, today, an incident occurred I found quite triggering. I am part of a social tennis group that is primarily made up of women much older than me in the seventies and eighties and one man (let's call him Joe) in his seventies. After tennis, we all have a habit of lunching together.

Today, we had a new lady join us for a hit (let's call her Vanessa). I played in a set with her, Joe, and another male player who accommodated us for one set before heading off to play with his friend. The other set comprised four ladies.

My set finished first, so Vanessa, Joe, and I headed into the clubhouse. Vanessa chose a table and sat. Admittedly, it wasn't the usual table we all sat at, but I did not want to be difficult, so I sat with her, as did Joe. I mean a table is a table. What did it matter?

The three of us were at the table waiting for the others to finish their set so we could all lunch together. When they came in, the organiser (let's call her Jayne) commented, "Ah, are we sitting here today? Okay." She then headed off to the toilet.

One of the other ladies (let's call her Jody) grabbed her lunch from the kitchen and plonked herself down at the usual table instead of joining us. I made a comment something like, "You're not going to join us?" and was ignored. The second lady who came out (let's call her June), didn't hesitate and sat with Jody. The third lady (let's call her Fiona) hesitated a little, seeming unsure what to do, but also joined Jody and June.

By this stage, my back was up. I had done the polite thing by joining our new lady, Vanessa, at the table she had chosen, but these three old ducks were so set in their ways they were clearly not having it.

To me, this was an active snub, and my Taurean stubbornness and self-righteousness took over, so I commented to Vanessa and Joe that we should stay put. We shouldn't feel obliged to move to their table as we were in the clubhouse first, so they should have joined us and not expected us to join them. It wasn't even a case of being invited over to their table because we weren't. We had been treated like we were invisible.

Jayne came back from the toilet, saw us sitting at two separate tables, and commented, "Oh, now I'm thoroughly confused."

I responded that I was as well and joked that maybe the three of us at my table needed to wear more deodorant. She laughed then, also failing to invite us to join them, went over to sit with Jody, June, and Fiona.

To me, this behaviour was rude, very elitist, and high school. The three of us at the other table felt ostracised, as if we were unworthy of their company.

Vanessa, Joe, and I chatted for a bit and then left as soon as we finished our lunch and drinks. Vanessa and Joe said goodbye to the ladies, but I was too pissed off to even look their way before taking my leave. IMO, they didn't deserve any farewell niceties. Yep, the self-righteousness and feeling of the three of us being socially wronged were consuming me.

Calmer now and anaylysing these feelings, I notice I have an overdeveloped sense of fairness and what's right and wrong in situations where many would think I am being a drama queen. I'm not sure if this is autistic behaviour, ADHD, or it's simply my traumatised bullied inner child stamping her feet every time she is ignored.

Thoughts?

What does self-righteous mean? I hear people use it but I don't understand. Is it when you think you are always right?

Necro post, but OK.

Yes, SOME autistic ppl can be self-righteous and engage in virtue-signalling.
It creates a chemical reaction in the brain that can be addictive.
Aspies aren't immune to it.

"Google is your friend."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-righteousness

I thought maybe I was self-righteous till I read the official definition. Now I know I'm not. I just figure out my own code of conduct, and refuse to internalise the teaching of others unless it makes sense to me, but I don't claim that my sense of right and wrong is any better or worse than anybody else's, or that I stick to it better. Each to his own. Still, I've noticed that it's hard to find a discussion of morality that doesn't resemble a contest, and I like to think I'm above that kind of nonsense. I guess I'm fairly proud of that, but I don't say I'm perfectly objective about any subject. I just try to get it right, and I think the main thing is to remain open to clear arguments that suggest I'm wrong, as long as I have enough spare time to do that.

No. We aspies are too moral to be self righteous.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 12 Apr 2023, 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Indeed. I understand that there's no such thing as an inferior or superior person, unlike all those inferior bigots who can't grasp that fact.

Exactly!

There are some folks who just dont love their fellow man. And I HATE people like that!