Being diagnosed isn't that great

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Your diagnosis isn't supposed to improve your self esteem or make you feel better about yourself. The diagnosis is just a way of putting your difficulties on paper and getting you access to therapy and support. You might benefit from counselling if you feel bad about yourself, but your diagnosis has nothing to do with how you feel. Ultimately, your self esteem is your responsibility and while its hard to change how you feel about yourself (trust me, I know all about low self esteem) , its not impossible.

Yes, stigma is a real problem, but that's not the fault of your diagnosis and you don't have to put up with it. I know its hard to see this at the moment, but your diagnosis is doing a lot more good than you realise.

It means the government gives me some money every fortnight, so it's pretty great to me.

I wasn't diagnosed until last year, when I was twenty-one, but I'm glad of it. For one, it means that I'm one of those people who gets government money, and secondly it means that when I return to university I'll get all the accommodations I need that I didn't get the first time I attended.

I am kind of glad that I didn't get diagnosed as a kid, though, because I would have had to do a crapload of therapy and avoiding therapy is like, my biggest hobby.

the "wear and tear" that people put you through by not understanding if your capible or not, or understanding anything about you-no matter how many different ways you try to explain it, and never being "good enough", can cause low to no self-esteem. whereas, having the diagnosis can atleast give a person atleast one person in their life an understanding, which can make a great difference in how one perceives themself..

I am probably off-base in my thinking, but...

I think diagnosis of children -- helps the parents more effectively raise the child (by getting them the necessary services whatever those may be).

I think diagnosis of adults -- helps the adults realize that they need to consider alternative paths forward (rather than assuming the neurotypical "game plan" is right for them).

It's possible that the depression may never go away. The self-esteem can improve, though. Once the adult discovers that alternative path forward.

Perfectly said. This is a good summary, in a nutshell, of what could be good about a diagnosis in either age category.

You have summed up what I wish had been my childhood scenario -- simply that there could have been more effective approaches taken with me by the adults raising or teaching me -- and what I am striving for in my adult scenario.

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I believe what matters is not so much the diagnosis you get, or don't get, but the kind of people you have around you growing up and how they treat you...what your family is like, your community, schools, teachers, doctors and so forth. People who talk down to you or don't understand you or treat you badly will most likely be like that either way, whether you are diagnosed or not.

But yeah getting the wrong kind of support can be worse than not getting any at all. I'm thankful I was somewhat neglected in that sense and left to figure things out for myself. I just wish I had been able to figure things out earlier than I did.

I'm not sure that the people who treated me badly would still have done so even if I'd had a diagnosis. My parents were mostly completely confused by my challenges, and responded with frustration and anger. But I feel that they were also the kind of people that would have been able to at least try to rise above that frustration if a professional had actually been able to tell them what was going on in my neurology, and that I can't help some reactions, so "here's some suggestions on how to work around things" and/or help me manage my issues better.

A lot of their style of handling my problems moments came from a place of thinking I was being deliberately difficult. When it's known that's not the case, a decent person can respond from a clearer-eyed place. It's kind of similar to how some people here have posted about a spouse getting newly diagnosed and the revelation saved their marriage, because now they know some of the challenges are things the person can't help and are struggling with and not just doing deliberately.

My parents really were not rotten people who would have enjoyed getting mad at me no matter what -- I really do think they were at the end of their rope with confusion and that some clarity would have allowed them to have an aha moment in their approach to me. I think they also wouldn't have allowed my sister to be so emotionally abusive to me once they'd been told I really do have challenges with some abilities to cope. She was permitted to be a total s**t to me, and I think if there'd been an official diagnosis maybe someone would have "put their foot down" about that.