Is trial&error the only way to learn if something's rude

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I remember some things I've done, recently and during adolescence, that make me cringe looking back.

In 7th grade we were assigned to research certain illnesses. The illness I was assigned to research was AIDS. We had to put a creative spin on the project using electronic media. I wanted to do some type of documentary short and asked my dad how I could "get permission" to interview AIDS and HIV patients at the military hospital. My dad coldly asked me, "Are you out of your mind? Do you really think someone who is going to die of AIDS would sit down, be all cheery, and answer your questions for your goddamned project?" He slapped me across the face and I am now extremely cautious about what I say and what I do regarding serious illnesses.

In 11th grade we had to do a project in English class involving satire and the commercialization of Christmas (Santa Claus, political correctness concerning "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas). Veering on agnosticism, I asked the teacher if we could also satirize Christianity (the 25th of December and Dionysus, stuff like that). I didn't know the teacher was devoutly Catholic. He sternly told me, "As a religious person, I'd be very offended by that." I'm now really cautious and always consider that someone could be devoutly religious.

My coworker's relative died and he had to leave for a good 5 days. I got an angry email from a client and in a panic, emailed it to him to address the issue while CC'ing my boss, who should have been directly addressed. I didn't want to bother her with it, but she told me these are things "the boss" does need to be bothered with, and that someone who is grieving for a deceased family member doesn't need to be bothered with this stuff.

Very recently I met up with some people I had gone to school with. They were all inquiring about how much student loan debt they were in. I thought this was one of those odd questions you don't talk about in casual conversation, so when someone asked me (It was someone I didn't care for), I returned her question by asking, "How many sex partners have you had?" I guess I was trying to express that the question was kinda inappropriate by asking an inappropriate question. I've avoided these kinds of get-togethers because they can be trigger mines.

It usually doesn't work that way because no one is that direct.. trial and error is truly the best way. It's a painful process, but worth it in the long run, even if you have to embarrass yourself a few times or make a few enemies.

Trial and error, yes.

I've been beat up so many times for saying the wrong thing. These days I just get told off.

But as I get older the less I seem to give a s**t.

I don't say that much anyway.

For major things, it's easy to know if something will LIKELY be taken as rude.

It's the finer points of social interaction that gets me. You see it all the time. The CHARISMATIC people can do something but if you did the same, the reaction would be completely different.

It has been trial and error for me. Even that doesn't help though. I'm kind of stubborn so if it doesn't make sense to me, I just ignore it and think "well that shouldn't be rude, they just need to understand me more and they'd know I'm not being rude" my friends get it now, sometimes I say things that sound very rude, and rarely I can catch it and I reply "well i didn't mean to sound rude" but they're understanding about me and know I didn't.