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Why are so many on here married or have boy/girl friends?

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eggheadjr
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12 Sep 2014, 10:33 am

When I was single didn't date much at all.

I am married and have been for 23 years. My NT wife is quite intelligent, a bit older than me, and very much accomodating and understanding. It's taken a lot of work but I think our marriage works fairly well.


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skibum
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12 Sep 2014, 10:39 am

I did not date either. In fact my husband and I never actually dated. We just became best friends and our friendship got so deep that marriage was the logical next step. In fact, my very first kiss was my wedding alter kiss. And I am my husband's first and only sexual partner as well. We were both in our thirties when we got married.


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12 Sep 2014, 10:50 am

Marybird wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
Marybird wrote:
I had a child, but I was never married. I didn't know how to have a proper relationship.
Yes, but having a child means that you did attract someone even if the involvement with him did not last. Some here are asking how anyone on the spectrum even meets anyone at all in the first place, or attracts them, in order to have any moment at all of involvement with another person. Clearly some of us achieve that much even if nothing lasts.

If you are an attractive young woman, men will hit on you.
I was emotionally like a child, easily taken advantage of.

This is very sad and frightening that men would take advantage of you like that. Unfortunately it is way too common and I would think much more common among Autistics. I am very much an emotional child as well. I was very blessed and fortunate that all of the men in my life except one, who did hurt me, were very well brought up and very respectful and very protective. So other than with the one, I was protected from that kind of hurt and abuse. I still have emotional scars from the one but I am sure that many people have had it a lot worse than I had.


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MehruneMath
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12 Sep 2014, 12:48 pm

MehruneMath wrote:
I'm male and twenty one years of age; I've never had a girlfriend, nor have I ever made physical contact. I would certainly enjoy a relationship though. It has nothing to do with my appearance; it is my personality. Females used to flirt with me often in high school. I'm not sure if I have autism, nonetheless I'm completely positive I'm above the average intelligence level; I believe this is why.


I would also like to add that I'm below the average in social and/or emotional intelligence, probably by a wide margin.


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BorgPrince
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12 Sep 2014, 1:05 pm

skibum wrote:
Marybird wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
Marybird wrote:
I had a child, but I was never married. I didn't know how to have a proper relationship.
Yes, but having a child means that you did attract someone even if the involvement with him did not last. Some here are asking how anyone on the spectrum even meets anyone at all in the first place, or attracts them, in order to have any moment at all of involvement with another person. Clearly some of us achieve that much even if nothing lasts.

If you are an attractive young woman, men will hit on you.
I was emotionally like a child, easily taken advantage of.

This is very sad and frightening that men would take advantage of you like that. Unfortunately it is way too common and I would think much more common among Autistics. I am very much an emotional child as well. I was very blessed and fortunate that all of the men in my life except one, who did hurt me, were very well brought up and very respectful and very protective. So other than with the one, I was protected from that kind of hurt and abuse. I still have emotional scars from the one but I am sure that many people have had it a lot worse than I had.


Women do the same thing, it's just OK for them to get away with it.



aspieMD
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12 Sep 2014, 1:07 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Can't be bothered lying, so I'm gonna admit I'm 39 and have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm also female, but I don't think I've seen a single female on this site who doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. (Apologies if there are a few and I've missed you.)

How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.

God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.


My theory:
Most aspies are male.
Male aspies don't connect with neurotypicals as well as other aspies.
Ergo, with a surplus of aspie males for every aspie female, aspie females are in high demand.



MehruneMath
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12 Sep 2014, 1:23 pm

aspieMD wrote:
NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Can't be bothered lying, so I'm gonna admit I'm 39 and have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm also female, but I don't think I've seen a single female on this site who doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. (Apologies if there are a few and I've missed you.)

How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.

God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.


My theory:
Most aspies are male.
Male aspies don't connect with neurotypicals as well as other aspies.
Ergo, with a surplus of aspie males for every aspie female, aspie females are in high demand.


I've done some research into this topic and it seems as though most males on the high functioning autistic spectrum end up with neurotypicals not neurodiverse females. Reason being; normal females can help them with their social faults. I would imagine it depends on the intellect of the autistic male and female as well. I would love to date an aspie female, however it is certainly not necessary for me.


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AnnePande
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12 Sep 2014, 1:55 pm

I am not married or having a boyfriend either. But it doesn't matter. I've never tried to get a boyfriend either.
I'm not sure I would be able to handle a marriage / motherhood.



MehruneMath
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12 Sep 2014, 2:06 pm

AnnePande wrote:
I am not married or having a boyfriend either. But it doesn't matter. I've never tried to get a boyfriend either.
I'm not sure I would be able to handle a marriage / motherhood.


I feel the exact same way; I have no desire to have children or get married. I would love a girlfriend though, for more than one reason. :lol:


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12 Sep 2014, 3:00 pm

I met all guys on the internet. My exboyfriends and other guys and my husband. I never saw it as a date when I met up with a guy and would hang out or when they would come over and we watch Benny & Joon or play video games. I usually saw them once. But my exboyfriends, we jumped to being together than dating. Then I met my husband and he came over every weekend and we went out too and did fun stuff. I even took him to Spokane with me a week after we met and I invited him to The Simpsons Movie screening. Maybe it was a date.


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12 Sep 2014, 3:51 pm

BorgPrince wrote:
skibum wrote:
Marybird wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
Marybird wrote:
I had a child, but I was never married. I didn't know how to have a proper relationship.
Yes, but having a child means that you did attract someone even if the involvement with him did not last. Some here are asking how anyone on the spectrum even meets anyone at all in the first place, or attracts them, in order to have any moment at all of involvement with another person. Clearly some of us achieve that much even if nothing lasts.

If you are an attractive young woman, men will hit on you.
I was emotionally like a child, easily taken advantage of.

This is very sad and frightening that men would take advantage of you like that. Unfortunately it is way too common and I would think much more common among Autistics. I am very much an emotional child as well. I was very blessed and fortunate that all of the men in my life except one, who did hurt me, were very well brought up and very respectful and very protective. So other than with the one, I was protected from that kind of hurt and abuse. I still have emotional scars from the one but I am sure that many people have had it a lot worse than I had.


Women do the same thing, it's just OK for them to get away with it.
I know and I have heard terrible stories of women hurting immature boys and men who are socially and emotionally very young. This is equally not acceptable and equally sad. I think it is more common for men to do it though.


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Birdsleep
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12 Sep 2014, 6:42 pm

Here in New Zealand it is more common for females to be psychologically abusive towards their male partners.
At least that's what I'm observing in my neighborhood, a lot of women trying to control men by all means possible, very sad.
I wouldn't have any clue either how to do flirting and dating, it would be something alien to me.
Maybe for an Aspie the best way to be found by a partner is to casually engage in common interests at first and let things develop
from there naturally. I met my husband when we were beekeeping together, we were both equally obsessed with bees and we also
liked to stroll around in nature together. Very innocent in the beginning, more like two kids playing.



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12 Sep 2014, 7:22 pm

http://www.autismdailynewscast.com/roma ... yisaacson/
''just 32.1 percent of people with autism had had a partner and only 9 percent were married.''

http://www.redpathcentre.ca/sitebuilder ... rt2013.pdf

http://sfari.org/news-and-opinion/news/ ... -as-adults

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2705351/
''Of all subjects, few led an independent life and very few had ever had a long-term relationship. Female subjects more often reported having been bullied at school than male subjects.''

'' In line with previous studies, only a few had ever had a long-term relationship though marriage or cohabitation was slightly more common among the women''



russiank12
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12 Sep 2014, 7:59 pm

Now, I'm only 18, but I've never had a relationship with anyone either and don't want to. I'm pretty sure I'm asexual and I just don't care for romance. It seems like it would take up to much energy to trying to get one in the first place, and too much afterwards to maintain it. I think I wouldn't mind one, if at least for financial reasons. Not in a gold digger way, but as in two autistics living together, sharing a house, finances, tt would help with loneliness...wait, would that just be a friendship?



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12 Sep 2014, 8:03 pm

Birdsleep wrote:
Maybe for an Aspie the best way to be found by a partner is to casually engage in common interests at first and let things develop
from there naturally. I met my husband when we were beekeeping together, we were both equally obsessed with bees and we also
liked to stroll around in nature together. Very innocent in the beginning, more like two kids playing.
I think this would be true for anyone, Spectrumite or NT.


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12 Sep 2014, 8:07 pm

I've never been in a relationship, because of the thing that relationships entail. Not all people fit the Gender Binary and sex would be sheer hell for someone with my degree of Gender Dysphoria.


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