Why is eye contact hard for us?

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Wow. I actually know that feeling. That is the feeling I get when I have my head bang meltdowns. I get that if I am in a conversation that I can't process. It gets so overwhelming that the only way to release the implosion in my head is to cause a stronger physical pain through headbanging. Then I have a headache afterwards but it's better than the implosion.

I'm not sure exactly why it's hard for us, but I did find that when I detoxed salicylate acids it became MUCH easier to make & maintain eye contact. Read the thread in my sig for info about how I did it. Since then, I've found that very high salicylate acid herbs/oils will tend to increase eye contact avoidance noticeably.

Eye contact is confusing and stressful. If I make eye contact, then often only for split seconds, because people expect it.

I mainly look at people's mouth. At one stage I started wondering whether I perhaps have some kind of hearing problem, because somehow my listening skills and understanding decrease when looking into people's eyes instead.

For me, when I talk to someone my analytic brain is listening and analyzing in order to maximize
understanding and to prepare a reasoned response. This works well.

When I look in someone's eyes I'm no longer thinking of the same things.

I now feel I'm in a personal conversation where "the other person" and their
feelings, relationship, etc. (to the Nth power) must be included in the conversation
(in the NT manner).

Unfortunately for my conversational ability, I never learned to "mimic" properly,
when young, and now, of course, I've lost the knack.

I don't like to because... have you ever heard that staring dogs in the eye is "a dominance/trust kind of thing. It's like having someone stare at you. You would usually feel maybe a little nervous or turn away awkwardly, and that's almost the same with dogs. It would naturally establish the starer as a higher or dominant ranking to you."?? I kind of feel that way about other people. If I am staring at them, I feel like it is "taking them on" and asserting myself above them. Most people do not take this well, and I also feel uncomfortable with eye contact (like they are staring a hole into my eyes) so I do not usually do it.

I look away a lot of the time, but I do look people in the eye, - but when I do, I look at their eye surroundings most of the time, and sometimes only ONE eye.
After this disclosure, I can see myself, that I, alll in all, actually don´t see people in the eye very much.
A couple of times, I have felt like staring into a too bright light.

Frankly, I don´t know why. I could suggest something like "being timid", but it wouldn´t fit THIS many people.

I can make eye contact, but I have learned that eye contact makes me vulnerable. So in dealing with people I don't like or who have influence over me, what I do put a serious expression on my face, look down like I'm thinking (which I always am anyway), and when I respond make very cursory eye-contact and look down into my thinking zone. It works wonders: I'm not overloaded and made nervous, and the other person has to work to get my attention so I end up in a dominant position.

I can be slightly hit and miss with eye contact. In situations that I understand and am the listener, its usually not a problem to make, but if I'm the speaker, it can be very hard to make it or if I'm trying to recall lots of facts. Its as if the facts are in an imaginary cabinet off in the other direction, and if I don't go to the cabinet, I can not tell the person what they need me to tell them. I do generally need a lot of processing time.

I remember watching back my University graduation video and was the only person to make no eye contact with the Dean when we shook hands. In fact I flew past. If anyone was playing spot the Aspie whilst watching that they would have picked me out from a mile away.

I find eye contact uncomfortable, and try and look at other parts of their face as a comprimise.

I don't there is anything wrong with this. Eye contact is actually an impolite thing to do on the Indian subcontinent, and is seen as an aggressive gesture in Melanesian societies.

When they shun eye contact, it's seen as a cultural difference, but when we do, it's a "symptom" of a "disease" that needs "curing". f**k that, I will not look you in the eye, and I will not apologise for doing so!

Lack of eye contact harms no-one, discriminating against people who do not look you in the eye causes harm. I believe that the latter is a deviant behaviour by neurotypicals that needs to be corrected.

In my culture,a firm eye contact is a sign of honesty and trust/trustworthyness, so a tendency to avoiding eye contact can be problematic.

In autistic culture????

Actually, I am not sure where the original poster is from, but I know that in most western countries, eye contact is a sign of honesty. When I don't make eye contact, others assume I am dishonest/lying/shady/hiding something.

i don't have lots of trouble making eye contact during conversation, but definitely look to the side when i have to think about something, or access info, etc.

Since other cultures do not make eye contact, it is not a universally harmful or disabling thing. It's a cultural difference. In Indian, Melanesian and Autistic cultures, people don't do direct eye contact.

Autistic people don't fit in with the culture around them. I'm sure Autistic people in Melanesia and India face different challenges to autistics in the west.

If someone has an issue with you not giving eye contact, simply say to them "I'm autistic and I find direct eye contact uncomfortable" if they continue to have an issue, then they are no better than racists and bigots.

My advice to you folks on the thread, if eye contact makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. The harm caused to you by looking a neurotypical in the eye is greater than the harm caused to a neurotypical by not looking you in the eye.

I can do eye-contact, but not when I'm trying to listen or talk. I can, however, win any staring competition.

Hmmm...
i have not heard this explanation before.
could you direct me to the place where you read this??