Had an overall positive experience growing up aspie?

Post Reply New Topic

But the kid does need human love---even an Aspie version of it.

Sure. If you look at my earlier comment, I said that a romantic partner and one or two good friends make us happy.

However, being constantly in the presence of other humans so that I can never full concentrate on my own thoughts doesn't feel like love, it feels intrusive. Being told that I can't isolate when I need to recharge my mental batteries doesn't feel like love, it feels like coercion. Being told that my lesser need for social interaction is inhuman and unloving doesn't feel like love, it feels like criticism. I got that crap from my own mother, and I got the heck out of there as soon as I could.

I see your point...and I actually live the way you stated.

I think we have to find a "middle ground"--compromise, if you will.

I believe, ultimately, that the OP's "overexuberance" will be channeled properly, for the kid's benefit, through her own observations, and good advice provided by people who have the Aspie viewpoint, yet who understand that people must adjust to the neurotypical world.

I agree, but obviously Ms. NO NO NO NO NO is not looking for a compromise, just a way to make her kid conform to her own preferences.

I think it's an expression of frustration more than anything else.

She's obviously an NT extrovert, and one who "wears her heart on her sleeve."

But I also believe that she will try to do what's best for the kid--and that the kid, to some extent, will force her to do what's best for him.

There will be lots of reflection on her part, after the initial period of stubbornness is done with.

What we on the Spectrum must do is not to exclude her, or to disregard her opinions.

We must, instead, listen and offer advice from our perspective.

We don't want to turn NT's off to the input of Spectrumites.

^^^ The OP's opinions are not being dismissed. We are just sharing what we've learned through life experience.

It's also very invalidating in a way. It's a fine line between improving problematic symptoms, and "fixing the autism". I don't think the OP meant the latter, but the ardent rejection of (some)social independence seems worrying.

Last edited by MjrMajorMajor on 04 Nov 2014, 10:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't advocate "fixing the autism." I advocate the opposite, in fact.

But we have to adjust, in some fashion to the neurotypical world--just as neurotypicals, if they desire to seem ethical/moral, must adjust to the autistic mindset.

I really feel that, perhaps, the OP is at her "wits end." I believe, with reflection and experience, that her viewpoint will be moderated.

BuyerBeware, thank you. That's great advice. And I've jotted down the book, it sounds great.

I also am very absent minded and have developed wonderful systems of filing,computer todo notes, etc. but he ain't learning from me (probably cause i do it all for him).

I understand the emotional but non-abusive explosion when the stress breaks thru (my husband has mild aspergers -I diagnosed him myself a few weeks ago, hahaha) and assuming that he has aspergers explains so many difficult moments.
of those explosions that seemed so over the top and unfair.

If he's fourteen, then try start shifting some of that responsibility of scheduling to him slowly. I have a 17yr AS son, and we have always taught personal responsibility and challenging himself. He does still need guidance staying on task and organizing, but it's done in a more hands off way. Sitting back and having him think of ways to help himself, and knowing that if he messes up it's okay. Just learn and improve for the next time.

thank you Kraftie and Mr.Major for your comments.

Kraftie you are so right about me being extrovert and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

Ariel, don't get mad at me, I'm learning. And it's just those strong opinions of yours and others that contribute to my learning to look at things differently.

I agree that a romantic partner and one or two good friends is enough. It's enough for ME! I'm just concerned that he be able to find that romantic partner and those 2 good friends. Or maybe 3.

If I leave everything to inertia, he will just mold his butt into the sofa. That's what i'm afriad of.

Look, if I post here and I ask for opinions, obviously I am giving "permission" to voice your opinion and advice as strongly as you feel you need, obviously as long as it's with respect, which it has been ever since i joined the forum.

Thats why I ask. I want to hear all viewpoints. I will consider all options as intelligently as I can. As as time goes on with the info that i am acquiring i'll be able to modify my expectations and guidance, etc. I certainly don't want my son to run away from me.....but i don't think that will happen because I've always been sensitvie to his needs. But as a mother it is my responsibility to make sure I do my job as well as possible like with any child. Each child is different, i know.

These conversations are so good for me, learning so much. I thank you all again.

Sorry folks.

I definitely wasn't saying I felt like you guys were "excluding her." In fact, I feel the opposite.

I was "speaking" in general terms when I stated that Spectrumites should listen to NT viewpoints.

Well then, just a tip for the future: writing no multiple times in ALL CAPS is not the way to communicate "I am open to learning from you."

Oh, okay, i didnt think it was a big deal to use all caps to emphasize my strong viewpoint. I thought it was honest communication.

Anway, what is this OP and Spectrumites vocabulary. What do they mean?

OP means "original poster", the person who started the thread. In this case, you are the OP.

Spectrumites means people on the autism spectrum.

....the back and forth communication. I suppose i feel so comfortable here that I communicate as if you were a friend sitting in front of me. Many times when I say NO NO NO I ended up after a while saying, okay, you're right when i've been convinced of something in a discussion.

In the internet, typing in all CAPS is considered "yelling." That's why some people are sensitive to CAPS.