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Referring to people by name

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sdu
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11 Jan 2015, 3:16 pm

I've noticed that I have the same problem. I practically never use others' names in conversations (in person, email, or text messages) as it feels awkward and uncomfortable. Despite this avoidance, I'm not too bad at remembering names.

I don't really have a problem when others use my name while talking to me (even though I find it pointless), but it's quite annoying when a person mentions it in almost every sentence.



Skibz888
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11 Jan 2015, 3:31 pm

I have the exact problem! Ever since I was a kid I never felt comfortable calling people by their first name. Like others have said, it's awkward and uncomfortable. I have to assume this is a thing with ASD?



Campin_Cat
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11 Jan 2015, 6:23 pm

nerdygirl wrote:
Campin_Cat wrote:
nerdygirl wrote:
I might be claiming a level of intimate connection that I don't have or shouldn't have.

Ahhhh, that's ANOTHER really good way of putting it!!

I also don't use terms of endearment. And I really don't like being called a term of endearment.

Now, THAT one, I DON'T mind----cuz, as a "card-carrying" hillbilly (LOL), that's just the way we roll (calling everybody "Hon", or "Honey"----PLUS, it gets ya out of calling them, by name); BUT, I DON'T like it when a MAN says it, in that condescending way, that some men do----like, you know, it feels like they use a term of endearment, to knock you down, a bit, so they can lord it over you.


My mom is allowed to call me "sweetie", and my sister can call me "doofus" (like she does sometimes in a playful teasing way.) My husband doesn't call me anything but my name. He would call me "babe" if I let him, but I nixed that one a LOOONNG time ago! That's it.

Up where I am, if people get called anything other than their name's, it's often derogatory. I don't get into that stuff.


HA! That's funny..... I have a sister that calls me Doofus, all-the-time, TOO!! "Babe" is the term that I love, BEST----BUT, only a certain boyfriend was allowed to use it. It's funny how certain words sound better, coming-from certain people's being.



ASD_Geek
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11 Jan 2015, 9:18 pm

Wow! This is true and has always been the case. I thought that I was the only one that didn't use peoples' names. I think that it is partially due to the fact that I simply don't remember peoples names. Try as I will, there are few names that I can remember and those seem to be only after I hear the name multiple times, spoken by several people.

When I have to start a conversation or call for someone, I'll either just say, "Hey" or something else that's like an icebreaker so I can talk to them, or as others have mentioned, I talk in the general direction of the person.

There are other times that I don't use names, but don't know why. For example, I never called my dad, “Dad”. I always referred to him as “Fath”, which was short for father. I don't know why Dad just didn't seem to flow. I called my mom, “Mom” and “Ma” and that seemed natural.

It's very comforting to know that that are others that are similar.



jetbuilder
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11 Jan 2015, 9:39 pm

I have a hard time remembering people's names if I don't interact with them regularly.

I don't think I've ever used someone's name when talking to them unless it was to get their attention when there are others present. Saying something like "Hi, John." or "John, you should....." just seems weird to me.
I don't have any problem using people's names if they come up in conversation with someone else, though.


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napper44
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12 Jan 2015, 5:54 am

I wish I could pick up this habit. I have zero memory for names. Unless the person is really hot, then its not a problem, :lol:


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Campin_Cat
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12 Jan 2015, 12:30 pm

Skibz888 wrote:
I have the exact problem! Ever since I was a kid I never felt comfortable calling people by their first name. Like others have said, it's awkward and uncomfortable. I have to assume this is a thing with ASD?


Well, I don't think, maybe, there's any scientific PROOF that "this is a thing"----but, it SURE looks like it, to ME!! Maybe, one could posit that it falls-under the category of our being UNempathetic, or UNemotional, or whatever----but, that seems like what some kind of doctor of Psychology, would think----not, someone who actually HAS an ASD.



nerdygirl
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12 Jan 2015, 12:35 pm

Campin_Cat wrote:
Skibz888 wrote:
I have the exact problem! Ever since I was a kid I never felt comfortable calling people by their first name. Like others have said, it's awkward and uncomfortable. I have to assume this is a thing with ASD?


Well, I don't think, maybe, there's any scientific PROOF that "this is a thing"----but, it SURE looks like it, to ME!! Maybe, one could posit that it falls-under the category of our being UNempathetic, or UNemotional, or whatever----but, that seems like what some kind of doctor of Psychology, would think----not, someone who actually HAS an ASD.


Perhaps it has to do with being more concerned about our own uncomfortableness with it than the other person's enjoyment of hearing their name.

It could also be related to social anxiety and not being comfortable with social "norms." Those things have to be PRACTICED. And, really, do I walk around all day practicing saying someone else's name? Not usually...



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16 Jan 2015, 4:07 pm

I used to have trouble saying the names of my classmates; like, if my mom asked me who a certain person was, I wouldn't want to say their name. Especially if it was an unusual name, and especially if I had a crush on the person. It wasn't a speech defect or anything; it just felt uncomfortable. I don't know why.

I had similar problems saying the names of places and the names of my favourite books, songs, etc. Again, I don't know why. Maybe it just felt a bit too personal? It's only recently that I got better with this.



wblastyn
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16 Jan 2015, 5:22 pm

Yes! I hate referring to people by name, it's weird.



MostlyWater
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16 Jan 2015, 8:30 pm

Me too. I usually just say "hey".