Do you accept yourself?

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No, I don't accept myself. I don't know how, and I don't think I hang out with the right people who could help me improve myself. I guess I could go online for some self-help site, but I have trouble motivating myself to do things, and I've had some bad experience with (some overly saccharine) self-help.

I forgot to mention that, as my oldest living relative, my mother's maternal grandfather, Grampa, had the duty to dedicate me to serving God, King and Country. Along with this duty came the responsibility of teaching me skills and knowledge to enable me to fulfil this service.

He undertook the dedication on the morning of the day my mother returned to work. It was on an exposed white rock on the other side of the river by our home, an entire mountainside called Graigwen, which is Welsh for "white rock".

He held me up, like in The Lion King, so I would see the rays of the rising sun at dawn first. Then, Grim Reaper took me from his hands and flew me to heaven for God to commission me, accompanied by my mum, dad, and Grampa, to attend God with me, as my witnesses.

As you can imagine, because I was Welsh and my parents were Christians, my ancestral trail was exclusively Indo European and tracked all the way back to Adam and Eve, of the Bible. Consequently, the story of my origins and my meaning and purpose for living, and my mission here in this life on this earth, were steeped in the creation story set out in the Bible.

The result was that I developed a strong sense of living in Biblical times but without all the religiosity of modern day Christianity. This was tempered by periods of a strong sense of living in Ancient Greek times, Ancient Roman times, medieval European times, modern British Empire times, and first half of the Twentieth Century times. So I wallowed in a Big History of Western Civilization for the first three and a half years of my life and it all made sense to me, even the metaphysical stuff, because they helped me assimilate it in the context of everything that was know of twentieth century science and technology, including some esoteric ideas even to this very day about quantum physics and the instantaneous communications possible through entanglement between sub atomic particles gazillions of light years apart and the spooky hypothesis called Schroedinger's Cat. And, most significantly of all, I grew into what I have to call, a theory of everything, that, everything was as it was supposed to be - not as it was designed to be - but as it was 'supposed' to be - you only had 'suppose' something, and instantaneously it would 'be' as you supposed it to be regardless of what it was before - in order words - I grew into a belief system that everything was illusory and could shape shift back and forth in response to my thought processes - I wasn't exactly superman - I was more powerful - I was a creator - I was a god - I was god - okay only a small part of god - but neverless god.

So I had a wonderful first three an a half years of my life, and when the time came for my mother to enrol me at our nearby County Nursery School, Grampa tried to kill himself, so I tried to kill myself with him. We dived off the world famous "Old Bridge" of the town into the equally world famous River Taff, which was in full flood due to summer rain storms in the upper reaches of the Brecon Beacons, and whereas I survived, he did not, as my lungs shut down on hitting the cold water so I bobbed along like a beach ball does, whereas he went under and swallowed and breathed raw sewage and industrial pollution from the heavily industrial-revolution developed Merthyr Tydfil area upstream of Pontypridd, and died a year later of metabolic complications caused by progressively severe internal infections.

But even that, I believed to be as it was supposed to be - so I must have supposed that as the outcome of our joint suicide attempt - I felt no guilt - for it was all part and parcel of my and his mission for God the father in heaven.

This explains why I can be objective about my world and my place in it. And why I so easily accept myself for who I am and what I am and where I come from and how I got here and why I am here.

Every time I went to heaven I left my body and brain in near death coma - I had to do that to get back into them and kick start them back to life if I came back by choice as happened in the first three years of my life or if I was sent back as happened every time I suicide ideated and didnt want to be sent back, which only happened on six occasions in my life that I count as deliberate and conscious suicide attempts

But the point is this, when we die, we all go to heaven. None of us go to hell. Hell is only for fallen angels. The only qualification I have to make is that, if you get sent back here, because it isn't your turn to die, and you cant get back in your body and brain and kick start them back to life, you get trapped in the membrane between heaven and earth and it's pitch black in there and you can't see any way out. So you are stuck here until you find a way of getting into heaven from there, or Judgement Day, whichever comes the soonest; which could be a long of wait with nothing to do and nothing to see, so its best not to get into that situation, by making sure that, if you suicide ideate, you leave your body and brain tucked away in a safe place, where n-one will abuse it or harm it in any way that might stop you from getting back into it and kick starting them back to life.

Your body and brain are only any use to you if you are alive. If you dead you have no more use for them so it's no skin off your nose what happens to them - so turn your back on them - they are only illusions anyway - created by your thinking processes - and when you die your thinking processes in the flesh die too - not immediately because decay has to set in and eat you up - you have no conscious connection with your body and brain after you die so, do not worry about them rotting and being eaten by other creatures.

Time and space are illusions - as are pain and discomfort - hypnotize yourself to ignore them - read You Are The Placebo by Joe Dispenza and get his Body Part Space guided hypnosis recording - Woo Hoo!