Has this site suddenly become more nasty?

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Joe90
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28 Dec 2014, 7:48 am

Nick22 wrote:
I say this as someone who has been a member for just 18 months or so, so I am conscious there will be those who have been around for much longer. It's just that I have got a lot out of the helpful advice and simply reading posts over the last 15 months. But roughly around the time the site changed its "look", I've noticed it seems to have become dominated by some pretty self opinionated and, in a couple of cases, rather unpleasant posters.

I really miss the feeling of support and respect I used to get when I visited the site, say a few months ago. Now I just get a wearisome sense of boredom and annoyance with a few jumped up individuals and their equally out of proportion 'avatars'. Something has happened, and I can't put my finger on it, but I just wonder whether anyone else feels the same way?


Yes, I've noticed that too. While there has always been arguments in threads, it seems to have become more noticeable since the update of the site. I don't generally get rude stuff said about me here, but I've had 2 different members here being rude about me in the space of a week. My past depression keeps getting dragged up, which upsets me because I've come a long way to help myself. Also I've deleted my facebook account 2 days ago, so I feel like WP is a good distraction for me to keep me from logging back into facebook before the 14-day thing is up before it gets officially deleted forever. So I'm trying to move on and the last thing I need is my WP friends making me feel bad.


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28 Dec 2014, 7:55 am

As IRL, there have always been a few dogmatic and self-opinionated bullies on this site - but I've learned over time to avoid posting in, or even reading, the PPR and L&D forums as that's where the nastiness seems most rampant.



Nick22
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28 Dec 2014, 8:28 am

Joe90 wrote:

I feel like WP is a good distraction for me to keep me from logging back into facebook before the 14-day thing is up before it gets officially deleted forever. So I'm trying to move on and the last thing I need is my WP friends making me feel bad.


Thanks Joe90 - and don't give into the temptation to go back to Facebook! Your posts are always appreciated - at least by me! Good luck.



ImAnAspie
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28 Dec 2014, 8:57 am

It ebbs and flows. Sometimes you strike a nice person whose having a hard time and they just snap. It's not right but it is understandable. You do get some who are just plain nasty but they're far and few between from what I've seen on this site.

I've had a hard time on this Site in the past. I felt like nobody valued anything I said because no one would ever quote me and I was starting to think this is no different to real life where people ignore me. So I posted my concerns and the response was phenomenal.

After that, I never worried about not being liked or listened to. I guess this is your equivalent to my post. See, people are responding to you. You just don't see it! See, you've got 3 pages already :D


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kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2014, 11:16 am

I believe the Site goes in cycles. Last summer, we had the famous "Gender Wars." Recently, we had the battle pertaining to "self-diagnosis."

There are dogmatic people on this Site--and there will continue to be.

Recently, perhaps owing to the Christmas holiday, there has been an influx of both "sentimental" threads, reactions to "sentimental" threads. There are people who enjoy provocation--possibly because of perceived boredom. Then there are people who just enjoy setting fires to people's butts.

To reiterate, I believe this Site goes in cycles. And some sub-forms are more "action-filled" than others.



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28 Dec 2014, 11:30 am

B19 wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
There seems less engaging discussion of topics related to autism and more social-emotional support messages.
People keep posting that wp is support forum, even though it doesn't say that on wp about page.


About a fortnight ago Alex posted, reminding one poster - not you - that WP is a support site, so attacking others isn't really a good idea.


It's mildly ironic that you reject authority over the medical diagnosis of autism, but appeal to it when it matches your beliefs, e.g. your belief that WP should be a support forum.

Frankly, I thought The Haven was meant to be WP's support forum? If all you lot who craved this 'support' you go on about moved to The Haven, you have my word I will not interrupt you.



NiceCupOfTea
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28 Dec 2014, 11:33 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe the Site goes in cycles. Last summer, we had the famous "Gender Wars." Recently, we had the battle pertaining to "self-diagnosis."

There are dogmatic people on this Site--and there will continue to be.

Recently, perhaps owing to the Christmas holiday, there has been an influx of both "sentimental" threads, reactions to "sentimental" threads. There are people who enjoy provocation--possibly because of perceived boredom. Then there are people who just enjoy setting fires to people's butts.

To reiterate, I believe this Site goes in cycles. And some sub-forms are more "action-filled" than others.


Yes, there are "dogmatic" people.

And then there are the hypocrites, the chucker-of-toys-out-of-prams, etc. etc. I'm not sure what your point is.



kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2014, 11:37 am

My point is: the Site goes in cycles.

I react to individuals, rather than supposed "trends."

I don't believe most individuals, even if they are not always positive, are necessarily negative.



NiceCupOfTea
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28 Dec 2014, 11:54 am

Fair enough.

I think all reasonably active forums go in cycles. I missed out on the "gender wars", I'm afraid. (What happened there?)

Have there always been such easily-offended, report-happy people though? Or is this a relatively new thing?



goldfish21
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28 Dec 2014, 12:56 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Fair enough.

I think all reasonably active forums go in cycles. I missed out on the "gender wars", I'm afraid. (What happened there?)

Have there always been such easily-offended, report-happy people though? Or is this a relatively new thing?


*throws gas on the fire*

Ask the man-haters in the Love and Dating forum. lol

Basically, feminizes believe every man who looks at or speaks to them in public is a potential rapist vs. a random stranger making small talk or paying them a compliment. 40 page arguments ensued. The funniest part of it all was that those who argued their point most were also those who said they had no interest in men or social contact with anyone… so why bother arguing about social interactions in public? Too funny.


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InThisTogether
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28 Dec 2014, 1:01 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Fair enough.

Have there always been such easily-offended, report-happy people though? Or is this a relatively new thing?


My guess has been yes, as that has been the case in every online forum I have ever belonged to that has moderators. But I don't like to think of it that way. People vary in their ability to deal with dissonance, with disagreement, and with "nastiness." Some people are more sensitive than others. I do not see it as a negative. It is just the way they are, just as some people tend to be more..."nasty" by nature.

I think the best we can do, since this is a shared community, is for those of us who are more "adversity averse" to note those who tend to be "nasty" in general and try not to take it personally. It isn't about you. It's about them. And trying to make them stop is futile and frustrating. And for those of us who tend to be more acerbic to try to be mindful of those who tend to take offense more easily and back-off. I think it is rare that anyone ever sets out to deliberately hurt other people, and I think it is important to remember that while something might not be a big deal to you, it may be a big deal to someone else. We usually don't know what someone else has gone through to shape them into who they are. That goes both ways...both with "overly" sensitive people, and with overly "insensitive people." I personally don't think anyone should have to not be who they are, but as in with the rest of life, sometimes you have to make compromises.

For example, I generally don't mind acerbic people unless they have hit some kind of soft spot. So for the most part, people do not need to tread lightly around me. Online and IRL, I am much more likely to be offended on someone else's behalf than on my own behalf. But I am aware--or at least try to make note of--the fact that some people on this forum will take offense to almost anything that is not coated in rose petals and fairy dust. Why would I provoke a person like that, unless I am--at heart--a bully? I pull my punches with them, instead of "letting it all hang out" like I would with someone who has demonstrated an ability to handle more discourse.

I like you, NiceCupOfTea. I like your humor. I think you believe in "being real" and calling a spade a spade. I get your POV, but sometimes I do wish you would ease up on people who are going to be hurt. Unless, of course, I have read you wrong and you are a playground bully. Then, I'm not such a fan. (But I don't think I have read you wrong).


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btbnnyr
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28 Dec 2014, 1:23 pm

B19 wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
There seems less engaging discussion of topics related to autism and more social-emotional support messages.
People keep posting that wp is support forum, even though it doesn't say that on wp about page.


About a fortnight ago Alex posted, reminding one poster - not you - that WP is a support site, so attacking others isn't really a good idea.


If he wants people to know that, he should put in about page or rules.
Otherwise it is hidden assumption, which is awful for autism forum.


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Rocket123
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28 Dec 2014, 1:56 pm

For me, the entire notion of this being a “support site” is pure folly. I come here to learn about people’s experience of being on the spectrum. As such, I want to read about different perspectives. If someone says something that someone else disagrees with, that statement should be challenged (as, in my world, silence means consent).

With that being said, I don’t believe people should be rude to one another.



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28 Dec 2014, 2:04 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
If he wants people to know that, he should put in about page or rules.

Correct.

But I highly doubt that he wants to do that. As I suspect, if he did, WP might wither away and die. As he would end up banning a bunch of people who provide exceptional insight into what autism is and more importantly what it is not. It would end up making the site less interesting and useful (for people like me who prefer logic to emotion).

Eventually, those people would migrate to some other "more welcoming" place (where freedom of expression is allowed and encouraged).



lostonearth35
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28 Dec 2014, 2:06 pm

A few days ago someone claimed WP had gotten too "huggy-wuggy", and it made them want to throw up. I guess that Dr. Philism is true: there is no reality, only perception. :)



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28 Dec 2014, 2:08 pm

I can only speek for myself here but I have been accused of being a troll before on this site and have been reported for saying stuff when I've only been joking. These incidents have been few and far between I must add.

But no, I don't reckon the site has got nasty.


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