What do you find confusing about the "NT World"?

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Raptor
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01 Feb 2015, 1:46 am

They are too social.
Everyting in the typical NT's world is social and pack oriented.

Dealing with them is unavoidable, though, especially if you have to work with them. Personally, I don't dislike them I just try to discreetly limit my time with them.

In short, this is how I've learned to be around them in social situations and at work. This is not advice for others, just how I've learned to deal with them and still stay relatively in their good graces.

• Smile frequently. If you don’t smile enough they’ll think you’re unhappy, angry, or depressed. They will focus on you intently for a little while then just write you off entirely when discover they can’t fix what’s ailing you. The fact that nothing is ailing you will go over their heads.

• Be relatively quiet. I simply don't have what it takes to compete with them tit for tat in social discourse the way many of them chatter away about silly s**t. Contribute conservatively to the conversation and don't be disagreeable.

• Take at least somewhat of an interest in whatever the conversation drifts to. Do not try to control the conversation or change the subject, just let it go wherever it’s going to go. Contribute a little more to subjects you’re familiar with or enjoy but don’t just tune out when other topics are on the table.

• Go along and get along. Don’t try to be the lone wolf when running with an NT pack.

Example: You’re invited to go out with some others to a movie then somewhere for beers after that. The plan is to meet at someone’s house then everyone crams into one vehicle when it would make more sense to meet at the theater. Don’t be the one that insists on taking their own vehicle and meeting the others at the theater, it doesn't work that way.

You get to the theater and pile out of that one vehicle. The pack wants to see some silly comedy but you want to see an action movie. Button it up and go see the silly ass comedy and like it. Do not break from the pack to go see your movie while letting the others see theirs and agree to meet them afterwards for drinks as planned, it doesn't work that way.

You endure the silly ass comedy and then squeeze back into that one vehicle and needlessly drive for miles to this one watering hole that’s all the rage at the time. Expect the conversation to revolve around the silly ass comedy you had to endure and participate in that conversation. If the pack agrees to order a pitcher or two of draft Budweiser but you'd prefer a bottle of Molson's, don't just let them have their Budweiser while you separately order a bottle of Molsons for yourself. Drink the Bud and like it or the'll resent you. If the others decide they're hungry and want to order food, you're hungry and order food, too. Just because you're not hungry and don't like what that place offers is irrelevant.

This is just a sample. I could write volumes on what I've learned so far with volumes more to come as I learn more and I probably still won't get it right. :(


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Evil_Chuck
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01 Feb 2015, 1:56 am

How do you don't have to know what you're talking about--people will still listen to you if you say it LOUDLY. And even more so if you get paid for it. Just look at the success of talk shows and talk radio. It's empty noise, but people love it. Quantity over quality.


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WAautisticguy
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01 Feb 2015, 2:22 pm

Why every preppy kid and every football player at school automatically gets a girlfriend out of the blue. It's as if dating is a bonus to playing wide receiver. My family wants me to get together with girls, but I'm concerned they would find my interests weird, silly and odd ("Like, who ever uses a VCR anymore?!" "Why do you care about old things?" "Why don't you have a Facebook?" on and on and on) and so they wouldn't date with me no more.
Why their conversations are about absolute nonsense, full of valley girl talk (aka the word "like"). Every time I see a preppy girl with a boy, they are talking about a party or sports game they went to and talk endlessly about the person (s) they hung out with, including what their personality was like, what they said word for word to the person, and other total nonsense.
They have to wear the brand they think is the absolute BEST. Some NTs have ZERO winter boots, and zero hiking boots in their collection, but they have 10 or 15 pairs of Nikes or Air Jordan's laying around in their bedroom.
Especially with jocks, they hate wearing pants. Even when outside it's 29F, and snowing, they still wear Nike shorts! Aargh!
When we say something a little confusing to an NT, they think we don't understand a thing about that subject. I'm just talking in the way I wish to talk.



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01 Feb 2015, 3:30 pm

I've always been terribly confused by their conflicting need to be as unique as possible while simultaneously blending in with the crowd. I see it at my university all the time; people dress in weird or eccentric ways, usually involving a lot of scarves, woolly hats, sweater vests and vintage 1920's style boots... but 85% of the people on campus look exactly the same. I make a game out of counting and categorising peoples' shoes to determine what the new trend is at any given time. Over the past year, it's definitely been the boots.

The overly generalised categorisation of people you mention is called heuristics. People sort others into slots based on very little data in order to make identifying them and their details easier. It's basic psychology, but it drives me crazy.

One more thing I don't understand is many NTs' aversion to using basic proper English, or expanding their vocabularies beyond words like "stuff" and "things". Case in point; my mother approached me this morning and said, "I finally got it to work." I asked, "Got what to work?" and she replied, "My thingy." Yeah, because that's going to help. My sister does the exact same thing. Many of my co-workers at work, who are native English speakers, seem to have a very poor grasp on the idea of correct verb conjugation. Three of the women I work with consistently use phrases like, "She don't do it right." Every time they do, I want to scream and ask if they've really never heard of the word "doesn't". My family asks me frequently if I've "swallowed a dictionary." No, I haven't, I just have a decent understanding of the language I was raised to speak.


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olympiadis
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02 Feb 2015, 1:17 am

StarTrekker wrote:
Case in point; my mother approached me this morning and said, "I finally got it to work." I asked, "Got what to work?" and she replied, "My thingy."


I :lol:



dryope
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02 Feb 2015, 1:30 am

They always think one step too far. They see meaning behind my words I didn't intend. I am just saying something -- my voice tone and body language, and whatever double meaning they think is behind it...that, they invented on their own.

I've had to learn to think like they do just to have basic conversations. It's exhausting.

With my husband, voice tone is important. But if I get it wrong one day and he takes offense, I have to say: I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying X.

And then I have to give him a hug.

I wish it could be that easy with people at work.


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02 Feb 2015, 4:16 am

Yes! Exactly. I can double-interpret too, if I am very insecure - say in a conflict with friends: "Do they want me or not?", but otherwise, yes, I often wonder how people generally double-triple-interpret everything and I do tend to miss points and be clumsy.


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Greenhat
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02 Feb 2015, 8:56 am

-The love of conformity. It often confuses me that the US is supposed to be an individualistic country, but everything I see of it seems to imply that we're conformist in the extreme. I don't get it.
-The expectation that we are psychic and can magically know exactly what you want the moment you want it, with no need for actual communication.
-The shallowness, the anti-intellectualism, the interest in appearances and hatred of learning and intellectual growth.



olympiadis
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02 Feb 2015, 12:45 pm

dryope wrote:
They always think one step too far. They see meaning behind my words I didn't intend. I am just saying something -- my voice tone and body language, and whatever double meaning they think is behind it...that, they invented on their own.


YES! this happens to me almost constantly.
They continually process and assign meanings based on their own completely subjective logic.
I think this effect is most based on the psychological process of using "schemas" within their reasoning.



olympiadis
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02 Feb 2015, 1:01 pm

Greenhat wrote:
-The shallowness, the anti-intellectualism, the interest in appearances and hatred of learning and intellectual growth.


I was saying this but in other words. They insist on only operating within many embedded layers of conceptual construct, - aka the imagination or shallowness.



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02 Feb 2015, 9:00 pm

Greenhat wrote:
-The love of conformity. It often confuses me that the US is supposed to be an individualistic country, but everything I see of it seems to imply that we're conformist in the extreme. I don't get it.
-The expectation that we are psychic and can magically know exactly what you want the moment you want it, with no need for actual communication.
-The shallowness, the anti-intellectualism, the interest in appearances and hatred of learning and intellectual growth.


THIS. These are the biggest things that annoy me about the NT world.



RikkiK
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02 Feb 2015, 9:28 pm

-Being able to talk about their opinions openly when not prompted, almost as though they are fact. I don't like to make firm statements about things (that was a bad movie, he's a mean person, the best option is this...) because I know I will never understand all sides of a situation. So, why should I state something like that when I'm obviously as ignorant as everyone else? I'm very boring to NT's, because it seems like I don't have any opinions, which I sort of don't.

-Knowing the difference between curiosity and prying. If someone says to me that "I've had a rough week, I just need to blow off some steam." I can't tell if they expect me to inquire further, or to leave them alone. Usually I don't ask, because it just feels inappropriate. Also, asking quesitons about others' romantic relationships, even if I'm curious about them.



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02 Feb 2015, 11:38 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Greenhat wrote:
-The love of conformity. It often confuses me that the US is supposed to be an individualistic country, but everything I see of it seems to imply that we're conformist in the extreme. I don't get it.
-The expectation that we are psychic and can magically know exactly what you want the moment you want it, with no need for actual communication.
-The shallowness, the anti-intellectualism, the interest in appearances and hatred of learning and intellectual growth.


THIS. These are the biggest things that annoy me about the NT world.


Those things also drive me up the wall.


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dryope
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03 Feb 2015, 12:41 am

RikkiK wrote:
-Being able to talk about their opinions openly when not prompted, almost as though they are fact. I don't like to make firm statements about things (that was a bad movie, he's a mean person, the best option is this...) because I know I will never understand all sides of a situation. So, why should I state something like that when I'm obviously as ignorant as everyone else? I'm very boring to NT's, because it seems like I don't have any opinions, which I sort of don't.

-Knowing the difference between curiosity and prying. If someone says to me that "I've had a rough week, I just need to blow off some steam." I can't tell if they expect me to inquire further, or to leave them alone. Usually I don't ask, because it just feels inappropriate. Also, asking quesitons about others' romantic relationships, even if I'm curious about them.


Whoa, yes, this is exactly how I feel, too. I had no idea other people thought this way. It's like, they're always asking me to judge things and rate things on a scale of 1 to whatever and I am seeing multiple sides, multiple axes on which it could be rated. So, that movie was 4 out of 5? Really? It's just not that simple.

And wow, yes, I hate asking people personal questions because I hate being asked personal questions. If they bring it up, great, they can talk about it. But I can't imagine prying and I'm always surprised when they pry about me as part of "normal" conversation.


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03 Feb 2015, 1:06 am

Kiriae wrote:
- going to a disco when they want to met someone. The music makes it hard to talk...


Going to a disco/club/bar, meeting someone, and having a relationship with them. I have been married for 15 years, and had a rather serious relationship of 18 months before that, and I am still not sure I would know how to get a date if the need ever arose in the future. That stuff is sure confusing.



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03 Feb 2015, 1:14 am

That most people want you to live in it, even though you're entirely incompatible with it.