Confused by the use of passive aggressiveness...

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I think those phrases can sometimes mean what you suggest. Trouble is, I'm now running out of things to say (in real life) that can't be taken as offensive. If I've expressed an idea dogmatically, how can I now mitigate the offensiveness if I can't add, "that's just my opinion" ? If somebody else is being dogmatic, how can I tactfully let them know that? I have a similar problem with the popular notion of "damnation by faint praise" - somebody asks me what I think of something they might like, I don't want to lie to them so I tell them I like it a little bit, because that's the truth, and they're left thinking I hate it. It's not fair.

Political correctness has gone mad, now we can't say anything without being offensive. I say there comes a point where we have to stop caring if something might offend someone or not but of course there are still lines drawn like we wouldn't use the R word or go out of our way and call someone the N word or use hate speech. It's about finding balance. What things should we be sensitive about and what other things should we not give a damn about if someone may be offended or not.

Agreed. I sometimes wonder if the offendable aren't more of a problem than the "offenders."

Thank you. Quite helpful.

I have described this before in other words, such as the servitude of identity, or that NTs filter everything through their identities. All input goes through this "self referencing" stage of filtration, where information about what some event means to their identity is attached to the event. I believe this function to either be part of their memory storage/retrieval process, or be very closely linked to it.

This has relevance to another thread where the qualifications for something like emotional abuse are being discussed.
In the cloud of the hive mind there are some assumed shared social responsibilities that cover things like not saying something that could hurt someone else's feelings. For aspies that do not have direct access to this information, there is often a lot of friction/misunderstanding in communications. From the Nt's frame of reference, we aspies fail these social responsibilities and are thought of as abusive, aggressive, etc...

The situation is clearly hurtful in both directions.

This "trickiness" is UNCERTAINTY that has evolved into the logic of the hive mind.
The uncertainty is used for growth and spreading of the logic.
It requires the need for more software AND more social interaction.

It's roughly the equivalent of kicking an ant-hill, or spreading the flu by coughing.

This is really staggering to think about.

This is why some interactions with people just seem to go on and on, without any real purpose? This is why interactions with people are so confusing in general? because the confusion is intended to prolong the interaction?

And then when I am thinking and thinking, trying to figure out why a person is behaving the way they do, what are they driving at, what do they want...it's literally like being infected with a mind virus?

Well, no wonder I might have trouble knowing when to end things...it's not just when but how...

To anyone that thinks that aspies can't be passive aggressive, just read the ppr threads. The very rules of this site actually requires people to be passive aggressive in order to not be banned. You can't always say what you are thinking. Yeah, you can stay silent but is this stonewalling? Lol, it gets ridiculous. You're either angry or you are not and people will pick up on the anger no matter what you do.

I can be passive aggressive at times. My dad can be passive aggressive at times. We both have a lot of aspie traits. But my mom can also be passive aggressive in different ways and she's not autistic.

I mean people are angry or they are not. Sometimes "passive-aggression" is just a misguided attempt to be "nice." It's more nice to be honest though in my opinion. But then are you being "nice" by telling someone mean thoughts you have about them? If you don't express these mean thoughts, will they pick up on them anyway??? What can a person possibly do?

Anyway, this guy was probably just annoyed by your apparent bashing of the movie. He let his anger known in a passive aggressive way. Would you prefer he yelled at you and told you to shut up? Would you prefer he stayed completely silent only for you to later realize you were boring him to death or annoying the hell out of him? I'm not saying any particular response is correct, I'm just saying sometimes anger gets expressed in different ways.

The best response for him would have to say "I simply don't want to have this conversation right now." But is this passive-aggression itself? What do you think? The anger is apparent. It cannot be denied. And trying to deny the anger is the absolute worst thing a person can do. It's either there or it isn't.

I guess it is because I have a different approach to everything, I generally will communicate my discomfort if it gets too much, but that never happens often. Generally I don't really find reasons to get angry, unless what has been said has completely crossed the line of all things appropriate and acceptable, for instance racism or homophobia.

I always think that there are other ways of communicating your discontent without hiding behind a cloak or shouting. He/she could have told me, "oh I really liked the movie, and I don't particularly agree with your opinion because I thought this...or this conversation makes me feel uncomfortable" I would have been perfectly fine with that and I would understand that I have upset them or annoyed them, and stop talking about it.

I think because of my care free attitude towards everything, I often forget that although I am perfectly fine with people bashing something I like and that I often write movies, music etc off as merely entertainment, something that is not worth getting angry/heated about or be taken that seriously -- that day, I had come to realise that lot of people do in fact take it much more seriously, which to be honest was part of the reason why I was so confused by the rather agitated and annoyed response. Such a response because of a movie, just didn't make sense to me.

I have come to realise that social interaction is much more complex than initially thought, and that misunderstandings can occur even over the most minuscule of things. When you mentioned the shouting or coming to the harrowing realisation that I've annoyed someone for a few minutes, I guess passive aggression is the better of the evils.

I'm not sure.

I'm talking about this viewing this through the lens of a parent who can be very passive aggressive without realizing it. He doesn't allow another person to have another point of view at times. Sometimes he minimizes things, invalidates feelings. I think it's worse than you can do to act nice when you are really angry. I don't have much appreciation for it.

As for you, you were just stating your opinions. The guy clearly overreacted. Maybe he was just bored with the conversation. I think it's more likely you hit a nerve with him but who knows.

It is confusing, but they do it. It makes no sense, but they do it. Because most people are like that, unfortunately, it is how it works. It would be so much better if there were more who are honest, and just saying things as they are.