AS being a "Type of Autism" ruins my self esteem.

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Some truth in that, though it can only be taken so far, I think. I don't recall ever being able to pull myself out of a dark mood. When I do start to feel positive, it just happens. Last time was shortly after I'd done a few hours of solid work (for myself of course, not for an employer), after a rather long stretch of negativity and weak-willed inactivity. I only chose to get off my butt because I was scared of the consequences of not doing, and I had no idea that it would make me feel better. I don't even know that it wasn't simply a coincidence. The only other difference I've ever appeared to make to my self-esteem is to try to avoid having too many negative thoughts, and even that is only marginally helpful.


I was using the word in a somewhat playful way. Perhaps a better word would have been "pride."

I am all for acceptance and pride as great reactions to ableism. Paying forward that ableism I am not.

Yes, I agree, I myself don't flap my arms, have 'meltdowns', panic attacks, temper tantrums... the things that those with (genuine) autism apparently do. I don't see myself as being handicapped, and resent this entire 'on the spectrum' nonsense.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, not autism. I can't relate to the autism label at all, and I should not be expected to accept it.

But can you relate to the diagnostic criteria of autism, rather than the label "autism" and/or the anecdotal behaviorisms associated with "genuine" autism?

Well (and this is my own personal view, by the way), I am of the opinion that so far as the official categorisation of autism goes in the DSM IV, they got it wrong. They had their reasons for differentiating A.S. from general autism in the first place, and I didn't see any necessity to reverse that original decision. They now call it 'high-funtioning autism', but to me that's like calling someone a 'moderate alcoholic' or saying that someone is only 'partially pregnant'. It doesn't make sense, because one of the primary features of autism was an inability to relate to others, on any level. People who have A.S. can find ways to cope, they can improvise and compensate, learn to adjust, eventually fit in, and do most of the things that so-called N.T.'s can. Unless my understanding of autism is completely wrong, autistics don't change in this respect - they will always need extra care.

In this respect your understanding is wrong. Attwood has published evidence of people diagnosed with autism as children being rediagnosed with Aspergers as adults. I think the percentage of people diagnosed with classical autism with an IQ > 70 is around 30%.

I don't do a lot of these things and see a lot of my problems are a result of people handicapping me.

I most closely resemble Gillbergs' Criteria for Aspergers which most closely resemble those people studied by Hans Asperger
GILLBERG'S CRITERIA FOR ASPERGER'S DISORDER. So I identify as Aspie despite the negative and savant stereotypes currently associated with the word.

Both Asperger and Gillberg used the word Autistic. While my severity and presentation differ and times at differ markedly from Classic /Kanners Autism the core traits are the same. Therefore I identify as Autistic despite the negative stereotypes currently associated with the word.

While Gillberg criteria describes me many are much less severe and differ in presentation then me but still have core traits of Aspergers /Autism.

Also severity varies and presentation vary at different times. If ones burns out for any number of reasons such as passing as NT a person who is presents typical or near typical can suddenly become quite obvious. When that happened my denial went away.

Many people with AS have meltdowns, panic attacks, and temper tantrums.

Hey, I've just been diagnosed with aspergers at 21 and I think I kind of understand what you're saying here, though I think maybe it just wasn't phrased too well.

I have a younger brother who has severe learning difficulties and needs a lot of support. In my house I was always the normal one, and when the idea of an autism diagnosis was first raised my initial reaction was to push it away because I wasn't like that, I didn't need help to get throughthe daylike hewas, heck, I was the one caring for him most of the time. My errorthere was that I didn't really understand autism at the time, especially not the high functioning sought.

Autism is not a 'retardation'. Autism basically means your brain has developed differently, and it wired differently. This isn't neccessarily a bad thing though, it's been suggested autism is a consequence of the brain attempting to evolve towork more efficiently, but the new wiring means differences from NT people. These differences aren't all bad, but in some peple they come out more severe than others. For higher functioning people, and to a certain extent lower functioning people, most of our promlems come from living in a world that is largely designed for people with NT wired brains, and being forced to mostly adapt to their ways of doing things.

Sometimes this feels very alienating. And I know what you mean about sometimes not feeling that such a broad label of autism, especially if a lot of people around you don't have much experience with it and a stereotyped or negative view, fits you, because 90% of the time you're NT passing, and it feels like this label screeming to people that you're not actually one of them, that you will never truly fit in.

Personally, I would advise, if you have the option at school or university or something, to try and see a counsellor just to talk through some of your feelings about the label, or feel free to message me if you just want a random person to talk with.

I am autistic. But, I also have a high enough intelligence I learnt how to adapt and study social situations so I could fit in, it's one of the reasons I have only been diagnosed as an adult, because a lot of the time I was written of as clever and a bit odd. In someone else's eyes unless I am having a bad day they might deem it not right for me to have this label that can also describe people with my brother's level of ability. That is their error not mine. I believe your issue is you've let others' opinions heavily influence your own in your perception of your label. It's hard, but to a certain extent you have to step back and try to think about it with your own thoughts.

No one likes feeling broken or deficient, and sometimes I think a lot of people, especially on the more high functioning end, have trouble with being labelled because it makes them feel like this. Well, you are not. You are not broken or deficient, you are simply different in a way that a left brained person is from a right, not worse or better, but different. And being NT isn't the be all and end all. But it can feel like it , especially if you're a bit younger.

One thing my brother has taught me is that everyone is intelligent, just in different ways, and that every single person encounters and sees the world in a different way, most people just don't talk about it. My brother is a teenager and still learning to read and write and perform most acts of self care independantly. But he can make a person feel joy far more easinly that I can, he can play games better than I can, he can notice minute individual details on different versions of doctor who toys far easier than I can. He can do this better than my NT friends too. It's just in a school of general situation his talents don't quite lie where an NT majority's do, so he appears more 'deficient'.

You have to try really hard, and it can take work, not to let the situation you are in dictate your opinion of yourself. Stick me in a French class I feel stupid, I can't learn the words easily and the grammar confuses me. I felt stupid. Stick me in a History class I absorbed so much detail my teachers nicknamed me the 'history genius'. I had a lot of conflicting opinions about myself when younger, it takes time to be okay with that, but I would urge you to try.

You can feel better about yourself than this. And you will, if you address it.