Diary of a non diagnosed 37 yr old man getting diagnosed

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Well here now comes the s**t bit.

Last week I had my most serious crash, 3 days off sick lying in bed thinking of ways I could kill myself. It was really horrible , to be honest absolutely f*****g dreadful. So come the Thursday I'm put into a position where I go back to work or f**k it all off, I chose the former, I have a family so have a strong sense of the rules I suppose (support the family). During these 3 days I went to the docs and said I was on the edge of driving myself into a wall at 80mph (that would've done it) I said I wanted tablets for anxiety though as I felt exhausted from constantly worrying bad things will happen, what do people think of me. I wish I could just have a quiet mind, I would be so f*****g happy to just stop thinking. Anyway I got some low dosage anxiety tabs and have started taking those . Going back to work has helped, as I haven't had time to think, sometimes I wish I was on my own, I could then just become an alcoholic. Life would be simpler then.
Well there's my story so far ups and downs really. I even painted at the Tate Modern as part of a group thing, but hated what I done. Stupid isn't it, people would proberly sell their left testicle to do some thing like that . Anyway hopefully I'll get an appointment soon for this autism test. If I have another crash I'll go to the mental health unit, I'm sick of feeling like s**t every now and then, I'm constantly fighting with myself, I love being different, but society makes me feel like shut for not fitting in, bastards! I f*****g hate society

So I've now been on Citalopram for a good few months now and have been exercising every day for now 2 months and do feel great, I can't believe how good this hard exercise is, stopped drinking and started eating healthily. But I still feel damned awkward every time I mix with people, I hate society for that. Why must we be made to feel that we must have friends?

Start by joining an aspie group, If you can find one. At least you might meet people, who know, what it is about.

Well it's been a year and a half wait, but finally I have an assessment this Thursday.

I've managed to deal with being made redundant and getting a new job the same day, I even managed to get another new job as I wasn't happy at the other one, just didn't feel comfortable with the atmosphere.

Started at a new place a few days back and feel much better, as it's like my old job I got made redundant from. Ah comfy!

Well I'll let you all know how I get on, looking forward to having this label as it will be closure for a number of things that plague my mind still from the things that happened to me as young as 7

Good luck for Thursday!

I am also 37, in the UK and diagnosed 6 months ago.

Congratulations on the new job. I hope the job and the assessment prove to be good for you.

Thank you people

Well after 5 hours of talking I'm exhausted but with a diagnosis of Autism.
Apparently I mask it well.

So onwards and upwards.