how do you explain to others what is to you?

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People are stupid and impossible and judgmental and selfish and irritating. I hate my species- I really do. It's just a big disgusting infection on Planet Earth.

I'm tired of trying to fit in with people. I'm tired of them expecting me to be just like them. I'm tired of them saying things that don't make sense. I'm tired of them looking at me like I'm a complete moron. I'm tired of THEM being complete morons. Sick. And. Tired.

I only talk to the people I really like, which are rare, and the people I absolutely have to talk to. I don't exactly make new friends easily but I'm a lot less frustrated this way... and I don't have to explain myself every other day to someone who will never understand and will just think I'm diseased or something.

You know... I have a problem with peole asking me what I do. My job is kind of part time, and it's all I can really handle, but people are always asking me what I do when I'm not working. I've taken to telling them that I do absolutely nothing (I usually have to repeat it a few times), and they look at me like I'm an alien. "No, really. Nothing. I do nothing at all."

I mean, of course I DO things. I spend most of my time researching my latest obsession. I go to the library and find every book I can on, say, String Theory or the World Trade Organization or *ahem* Autism. I sit in front of my computer just reading and reading and reading.

According to most people, that's not a hobby. And in a political, highly social job like mine, people always expect me to say, "Oh, I run my own business," or "Oh, I volunteer at the soup kitchen and the Family Y and I play soccer."

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get around this? I can't tell people what I really do because they don't understand. Can anyone out there think of a white lie I could tell that would make people continue to see me as a respectable professional, and would simultaneously make them not want to ask questions about it?

Actually, I'm very similar in nature except that all I can handle right now is a volunteer job at the library. So I should have a lot of free time, right? But I do almost exactly what you stated. And I usually tell people just that. "I read a lot, I spend time at the library, and I like the computer." This gets me into trouble because for some reason, NTs don't understand that even though I'm not spending my time with another human, I am still *busy* with my activities. They expect me to drop them in order to be with people, and I feel more comfortable doing what I enjoy.

I would really like to discover a way to explain this without having to lie.

The "How are you?" greeting is just a ritual. You can vary the response and reply, "Pretty good, how about you?"

Social conversation is like ping-pong. You don't want to say more than a couple of sentences before you bounce the ball back to the other person. Topics should be innocuous, no sex, religion, politics or money. Current events, hobbies (if you can restrain yourself from a lecture), movies, music, anything you might have in common. You also don't talk about health problems, which is considered boorish in social situations. Sometimes you have fish for a common topic. It is like playing free association.

You're in a social situation and say (American slant):

You:
"Are you following the NCAA tournament" (a big basketball deal my hubby watches)
Me:
"Yes, in fact, we have tickets for the Southern Regional games in New Orleans."
You:
"What luck! New Orleans is a lot of fun and so much to see on Bourbon Street."
Me:
"Yes, I have visited New Orleans several times and I wonder what is looks like now after the hurricaine."
You:
"What a tragedy! Did you have any friends or relatives affected?"

This conversation could go on and on and on until one of you breaks it off. And there are polite ways of breaking off conversations. Of course, it doesn't always work out that way because people will be rude and say too much and then it is all hard to follow. But you can master it with practice. Just remember ping-pong.

I don't tell anyone that I don't trust about my AS, but if I had to explain it to the idiotic masses, I wouldn't, and just go everywhere in a wheelchair, as telling people about it is like asking for pity, and I'd get a lot more pity in a wheelchair.
(Tongue-in-cheek sarcasm)

I don't explain it unless I need, or feel compelled too.

I find it interesting sometimes to let others define it once they know I have it. This has given me some valuable insight as to how others see me. It can be funny too when people associate something unrelated that might be part of my personality that they don't like

Some wierd things I have heard people say about what they think my problem is:
"Aspergers makes you not like to talk in public because when you hear people laugh you think it's about you". (heheh not true)
"Aspergers makes you so damned hard headed". (this may or may not be true)
"Once you snap out of it you will be fine". (may be true, may also be impossible )

From my experience being "different",

I talked with a counciler when I first went into the junior high. I refused to do an IEP.

Did they know that I had panic attacks being around others?: Yes.
Did they know that I couldn't understand others?: Ya, mostly?

They even knew that people like to diagnose everything and "over-medicate". It was never denied how that system would work.
I personally do not find anything useful if I think that something is wrong with me.

Then I left school and came back to do an IEP at age 19. Did that do anything for me?: No.

Then I decided to try the college program to see what it was and if it didn't work then it doesn't work for me. College was even a little topic to bring up with someone who knows me personally and knows about aspergers as well as among other things. She was only tempory there anyway to assess my mental health. I didn't even ever personally know her. I never wanted to either.

Did I have to worry about anything for the fact that I thought that I looked like an idiot not doing the assigments while I was there?: No.

I left shortly after a few weeks being there.

I thought that I did need to worry but now my thinking is more realistic than that. Based on my experiences, I know that it is an irrational idea to think that my life is unsuccesful.

Otherwise, some people seem to judge me quite well just by my body language and my communication ability. But I don't see that I am around people who expect others to be normal. If there were a possibility that ruined things for me then that proves that its something that can happen in reality. Everyone would experience these estranged situations. And people who know that I am different(who were just there to come and go very quickly) appeared to prove to me that I never have to expect others assumption of things because that would have to be something that everyone knew and so people would warn others of that misfortune.

If a diagnoses is something that would help, however, then one should ask the person who diagnoses how things are supposed to go.

So, ya, I can relate to certain kinds of worrying. Life looks so much easier if one is like "normal" i.e those who don't have a problem dealing with other people and who don't feel awkward being themselves, being in the world that they live in.

Would be great if it were some sort of interesting word game, where things don't follow so closely. As it stands, it's just so damned BORING.


For example:

You:
"Are you following the NCAA tournament" (a big basketball deal my hubby watches)
Me:
"Nah, I'm an old KKK member myself"
You:
"What luck! The trees are nice this time of year."
Me:
"Yes, but I can't stand the way they dance."
You:
"What a tragedy! Don't you like Azathoth?"

And so on....

You know... I have a problem with peole asking me what I do. My job is kind of part time, and it's all I can really handle, but people are always asking me what I do when I'm not working. I've taken to telling them that I do absolutely nothing (I usually have to repeat it a few times), and they look at me like I'm an alien. "No, really. Nothing. I do nothing at all."

i can really relate to this when my aspergers councillor asked me what i did during the week i felt really embaressed as i do lot s of things but there all very personal
i go shopping and look at things id like to wear
i go to book shops and sit in the quite and drink coffee
i read my magazines and sort out my room
i clean
but i have realised that when people ask me 'what have i been up to at the weekend?' they dont want to know and they usually expect a reply like 'went out drinking with my mates' this stereotype does my head in as 1,i dont have any and 2 i dont drink
so anyway i have been told that when people tell me they are doing nothing they are doing what i call something its just i do what is percieved as 'nothing'all the time
it is my way of relaxing doing things x