I forbid my son to stim - am I bad?

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The blanket stim...OK, I am kind of embarrassed to admit this. When I was very little (as little as I can remember being) I has a blanket, and I called it my "blankie-lee, or "Lee" for short, and I would scream if I were without it, my mom could not take me to day care without it, she had to go back for it. The blanket had a ribbon type binding on it, the wide, soft sort.

What I do is to either feel the edge of the blanket between my fingers and rub it against my lips, or suck my lower lip while feeling the edge of the blanket. Occasionally I only feel the edging. This makes me feel extremely secure and safe, and my mind calms down a lot, I forget what's going on around me and I feel OK. Basically, I totally zone out. I cannot sleep without this blanket, if I wash it, I have to get it all done and dried before the nighttime. When I go on a trip of any stay where it will be overnight, the blanket has to come too, or it will take me forever to go to sleep and I won't feel safe.

My mom said that as a baby I only rubbed the edging against my cheek. The first blanket was 'disappeared' by my grandma when I was about 5, maybe, and that was a major crisis....she had to replace it. The second one lasted me until my late teens, and then the edging was almsot absent, all worn away. My mom gave me another one, which wasn't as good but I managed to break it in. I still have that one, and it's getting a bit worn. I am afraid that maybe they don't make that sort of edging anymore!! :anxiety:

I have tried a time or two to break myself of the blanket, and I just can't. It is the first place I go to when I'm stressed or sad or tired.

Some stims let my mind zone out and others do not but just calm me down or let off excess anxiety. Even though your son is very bright, he may still find the paperwork intimidating or daunting. My dad and I had a LOT of homework battles. I would say no flapping while doing homework, tapping feet or fingers or pen, OK, but flap *after* homework is done, as a sort of reward. This has worked for at least one autie that I've heard of.

I still have 2 items from years back. A toy dog, named Ben, rather badly burnt due to one time put it on top of a light.....

And a blanket with a picture of a kitten on it. Irony is now my pet cat sleeps on it

asianmom, here is my 2 cents worth:

Imagine someone taking away your capability to cope and deal with stress, what would you do? Would you become anxious, nervous, stressed upset? How would you find a replacement for the skills that you were denied to use when in those circumstances.

This is the way it is on the spectrum for many of us. Stimming often is our only most effective coping technique (for some of us, not all though). You take away a coping technique at times maladaptive behaviors/coping techniques form that are more undesirable than the original ones. Best thing to do if you want to support your son and understand him more. Get down on his level, try stimming with him. Before I came to self-dx of AS, I started doing it with my old son and was better able to understand why he found it calming and such.

Teach your son that we can do 'stimming' at a more appropriate time and place or have him think of other things that he can 'stim' at that are just as useful and helpful as the others, it takes a bit to do but it's not impossible and it not only continues to encourage him to find more effective coping skills and such but it also shows more acceptance to him from your part.

When I was little I used to stim by rapidly twiddling all of my fingers together. My mum thought I was weird and let it go. I eventually grew out of it when I was about in grade 3. I think I stopped because I had gained some awareness and realised that other people don't do that.

At 17, I still stim in public, but people don't notice. I usually slowly rub around my mouth and chin with my right hand. I save my more noticeable stims (a bit of flapping hands...I'm a cliche) for home.

chamoisee, I completely understand. I would undoubtedly still be using my "blankie" (which went with me EVERYWHERE same as you) if I had not used it to its death. It is in poor, poor condition. But, I thought I would provide a pic as to my new "blankie" (pillow cases) for illustration:



Sorry it's so small. And a bit dark. But, you get the point (no pun intended, lol).

What i don't understand is this:

I think it takes time for we Aspies to seriously realize that our stims sometimes make us look more different, and it is usually by THEN that we attempt to refocus the stims to smaller, less obvious stims or even to not stimming at all. But this takes time. The teenage years are the hardest and often we Aspies try then to make every effort (that we are aware of) to stick out less.

But it is different I am sure for each person. Aspies are just as different from each other as NTs are (from each other).

But if he feels he needs to stim in public, that is his decision. And it will also be his decision if he wants to quell these in any way. I would say let him learn on his own. It is likely he will continue to do them whether they are forbidden or not until and if he wants to make an effort to not do so.

Sophist, that's exactly what I do with my fingers, too, except that I also, simulataneously, rub another part of the edging against my lips.

And I thought I was a weird Aspie because I had never heard anyone else stim this way! Ah, I am relieved.

My most annoying stim or OCD action (not sure which) happens whenever I go on an airplane. When I'm sitting there I take the loose end of the seatbelt and coil it up and then uncoil it over and over and over and over. I hate doing it, but just can't NOT do it. That usually continues until we're in the air and I can get out my MP3 player.

Yay for dredging up old threads! I think in some circumstances it is possible to replace the really noticable stims with more subtle ones. For example, keep the blanket for at home, but pin a small piece of similar fabric to the inside of a kid's pockets, so that when they get stressed they can stick their hands in their pockets and stim quietly!

What's wrong with stimming? I am stunned that you scold/punish him for being clueless, or stimming. That makes no sense to me. I mean, if it annoys you then you can ask him to stop, or go in another room and stim, but what is the point in punishing someone for something that is part of who they are? Stimming is not the cause of social problems. Social problems are at the very root of Asperger's. My doctor has even told my mom that it is abusive for her to touch me without asking first as I seriously dislike any physical contact with others. Punishing someone with Asperger's for doing stimming, or being clueless may have some serious negative consequences as he gets older. You may find out that you have driven him further away from you, or further away from any social interaction skills he may have. If you can't accept him for who he is, including both negative and positive traits, you may one day find that you no longer have a relationship left to perform damage control on.

You should consider discussing this stuff with a good reputable psychologist.