Accepting what you missed in life

Post Reply New Topic

Wish I could say the same. I know the philosophical argument-if you change one thing, then you wouldn't be where you are today, but there are quite a few things I wish I could change. So far as we know, it is impossible to go back to the past and change things, but it doesn't mean I don't think about it from time to time-probably far too much.

I was never so lonely as when I was in college, other than when I was in the army- both places I did not belong and found nary a soul similar to myself to break bread with. only in my 5th decade of living did I manage to find my tribe. I often wonder how my life would have turned out had I found my tribe when I was half my age.

I can see how that would help. I guess it has helped me also, in that I better understand why I did, or didn't do, some things in the past. Also explains why I do some of the things in the present that seem different, odd, or the like. It is comforting, in a way, to know that it is due to some neurological condition that has been beyond my control. It also helps me to understand what things I can change and what things I probably can't. I now know, for example, that I need to make eye contact with people when I talk to them. I also know that it will probably never come naturally for me, so I need to consciously remind myself to do that, and probably will have to remind myself of that for the rest of my life.

I guess it also makes some of the weirdness that is me more ok. I can now joke about some of the strange things that I do with my wife, and just write it off as "that's what Aspies do".

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that during the 10 years I was a practicing Alcoholic (I have been sober almost 22 years now) I didn't get to do the promiscuity that almost all alcoholics get to experience. I am sure that Asperger's played a big part in that, although one of my therapists things that the sexual abuse I suffered in childhood had the bigger effect on my social problems. We are going to explore that more in our next session.

If you are going to spend 10 years destroying your life with alcohol, it would at least have been nice to have had some fun while you were doing it. At times I feel like I couldn't even do alcoholism correctly.

I "did" the promiscuity in my 20s. Total waste. Lucky no kid resulted.

I've been sober about 22 years also. My drinking years were mainly spent alone at home; not much fun there. I got sober when I was 40-ish and must confess that thereafter during years 2 thru 10 I sowed some wild oats. There were some good times but also a lot of drama learning to deal with heartbreak without booze to numb-out. In retrospect I feel sorry (and grateful) for my poor, patient sponsor(s) and therapist.

It wasn't fun or doesn't give you any fun memories to look back on?

That's interesting. Were many other alcoholics like that? I figured I was in a very small minority.

from my perspective you were fortunate to have the social skills necessary for such.

I have met quite a few.

I guess I have met one or two, from you what you hear at meetings, it seems most people were the opposite.

There wasn't much fun in it. Lots of emptiness. Lots of feeling dirty afterwards.

...A reaction to that Cloisters " thinking-about-being-a-monk " , then ?????????
Did you ever have kids or a (Now or in past ?) marriage/LTR ?

Did the emptiness come from wanting to have a relationship and the other person didn't want to? I guess I have only looked at one half of the equation. I have always found sex to be rather fun, at least while it is going on.

I missed out on having friends, which can be explained away because I have this spectrum disorder nobody ever talks about called "nonverbal learning disorder". I get frustrated by this because I feel withdrawn from people a lot. I was an easy target to get picked on all the time when I was in school because I was pretty much an out of place little kid, so I built a wall for myself to keep everyone out. I have been trying to tear it down for two years and improved a lot but it's aggravating because I have no chances to make friends since I'm out of school.

Building a career feels impossible because in everything I ever tried when I was a kid, it took me twice the effort to get half the results as someone with talent. It's hard to get over the nagging feeling that you're absolutely useless at everything when you made a fool of yourself in front of every kid in the class every time you tried something new.

Another thing I feel pathetic a lot about is that I'm 25 years old and girls have never shown interest in me. I looked up the signs and realized that none of those things have ever happened to me. I'm invisible on online dating sites despite losing 80 lbs in 2 years.

I've gotten better recently thanks to people at work. I have to see myself as a guy who's only just now recovering from some bad mental health problems I've had my whole life. Everyone around me seems impressed with how much better I've gotten. Who knows, I might get to experience some of these things I missed out on someday. I still think of myself as that kid that everyone went out of their way to exclude and make fun of though.

... Sob