Being Alone vs Being Lonely

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i just hate my life so much. :'(
my parents dont understand me. im the only one in the family with severe autism and they just isolate me.
thats not in anyway going to help. ive had it for about 7 years and its mainly hidden. they just wont let me make friends on my own and let me suffer the consequences. i dont care if i get hurt killed or arrested. i just want to feel like people understand me. is there any way that i can legally be put somewhere away from my family without their consent? im 17 and im tired of the same conversation with them where they cant even imagine my point of view.

^ You're not alone.
There's many people here who know what it feels like to be isolated and misunderstood.
I hope you stick around.
Welcome.

It is extremely frustrating, a lot of us have this because our parents don't know how to deal with it. We, ourselves, cannot deal with it in our early years and when we get control over our lives it is already too late. A lot of parents do not seek help or seek support, they just hide it and hope things work out. The people with autism that have very supportive parents who go out and arrange social opportunities, job opportunities and dates for them are a minority. I don't believe anyone parents really understand their sons or daughters with autism, it is very frustrating but they are still your family. If you truly feel they are limiting you wait until you are an adult and move out, it will however never be easy for any of us.

When I believe people say you can grow out of autism they mean the people that have been supported and turned into success stories. The people that get to go into the spot light and get positive attention, which signals a dopamine response to social interaction. Those people who grow out of autism are conditioned to associate positive feelings with social interaction. The many more who are struggling are hidden behind closed doors, conveniently ignored and exiled from society aren't so fortunate.

Ever since entering my teenage years until now my condition has been getting progressively worse through bullying and social ostracism. Even though I tried to stay silent they knew something was off, and they had to exploit that to further their own. And even though I am intelligent and surprisingly academically successful ( which people unjustly associate with success in life ) I, myself, know that my mental state is deteriorating ever so. Increasing mood swings, obsessiveness, dissociation, depression, insomnia. What many of us also experience is oxytocin deficiency through social isolation which leads to paranoia, decreased empathy and increased social ineptitude. I tried therapy but that was for me a big waste of time and money, talking does not heal wounds. It only bolsters a train that is already on it's tracks, it doesn't salvage a train wreck.

Every attempt I have made to seek some kind of social connection with others has been met either with hostility or indifference. I think many here can relate that this is the true cause of what we consider loneliness. When you have a negative feeling you do something about it, but loneliness is not something you alone can do something about. Your actions do not magically create people that can relate to you. I have tried reading up a lot of information, I have tried intimidating others, I have even tried acting classes but nothing seems to help. People can somehow see in the tiny subtleties that I am different from them, and therefore they do not accept me. They used to accept me when I was little, but that all changed after my teenage years. Ultimately you can be with a lot of people, but you can still feel alone because there is almost no one that can relate or communicate with you on the same level. That is the curse we all bear and that we will all have to live with. Luckily in this aspect we are not alone, we are here to support each other.

My entire face to face socialisation comes from my husband and children. I even find seeing my immediate family stressful and I'd rather text, email or talk on the phone than see them in person.

I don't have any friends. I don't want any. My NT children think that's odd.

I can go days/weeks without leaving the house when it's the school holidays and I don't have to do the school runs. My husband does the outside things. I probably wouldn't leave the house at all if I didn't have to.

I only feel lonely occasionally but it's weird because if my husband is working nights for example, I miss him but when he's around sometimes I can ignore him, reading, listening to music or online. He is the same, he misses me when we are apart but can totally tune me out and do his own thing when we're together. I guess we both take comfort in knowing someone is around without having to engage with them fully if that makes sense...

It seems like you have something resembling an "ideal" relationship, Ms. Nameless.

As long as you take care of your kids well, I think it's all cool.

Thank you kraftiekortie.

Yes, my children are fine. If anything, I think they are spoilt. My husband overcompensates for his neglected childhood and I think I go out of my way to be the opposite of my own mother.

This is really the truth:

If you give in to your kids' every whim, it is guaranteed that they will be unhappy.

I'm really glad your kids are in a nice home.

It's a balancing act ultimately. It can be hard to know the right thing to do but I just want them to be happier than I was growing up.

Yeah...I know it is. It's hard raising kids.

I haven't had any--but I see what goes on when people are with kids.

And I remember my experience as a kid. I was somebody who was hard to raise. No speech until age 5, rather extreme behaviors, stuff like that.

I can handle being alone, but not for long stretches at a time. I hate being alone at night, I get scared and lock myself in my bedroom. If it wasn't for my cat, I might not like being alone during the day, either. The difficulty is that while I want someone with me, I do not want them in my space. I like spending time by myself with others around in case something goes wrong. If I want to read and write, people make me nervous. I lived with my parents for 28 years, I mostly stayed in my room as an adult. I definitely enjoy being alone for a set amount of time. I can get things done, I can be at peace without someone bugging me as to why I'm doing certain activities or what I am thinking of doing next. After this set amount of time I need the person to return or I start feeling scared and lonely.
I would say the longest I like to be alone without interruption is 4 hours. I lived alone for a year, I hated it. I spent most of my days in fear and major depression. I live with my boyfriend now and it works for me quite well but I would actually like it if he would leave me alone more often.

I do not have a diagnosis as of yet, september 28 is my assessment date. So I don't know if I count in this thread.

I have been alone a lot this past several months. I don't feel lonely at all, I do miss my children when I can't see them but it is not loneliness I feel it is missing of my loved ones. I am actually not sure I can feel lonely. I am not sure I can explain the feeling of loneliness if I was to feel it.

Yeah...you count.

You don't have to be formally diagnosed to "count."

Your parents are smart and you are lucky they are looking after you.

When I was little my parents would just make me come out of my room, but when I was a senior in high school they got mad because I was alone in my room instead of out dating and going to dances like the other kids.
My father chased me, hit me, and banged my head against a wall.
I called a neighbor boy who was a freshman and much younger than me and told him my father beat me up. He came to pick me up with some older boys who had a car.
They took me to a house where the parents weren't home. They spoke very nicely to me, treated me kindly and gave me some beer. They gave me more beer, I got drunk and they gang raped me. I didn't even care.
After that boys called me for dates. I was very naïve, socially backward, didn't know how to defend myself, and believed whatever they told me. They probably thought I was ret*d.

I kind of forgot about my father beating me up, or it was just in the back of my mind and I didn't think about it, until I was in my 40's. I looked at a dog that was run over by a car and that's when I remembered it.
before I remembered that, I thought I was bad, the black sheep of the family. My brother told me I was going to hell when I die. But I'm not bad I'm actually very very good.
This is the first time I ever told this to anyone. But my father is dead now and I feel anonymous on the internet.

The way I see it, I'd feel more depressed and lonely if I was working in an environment full of other workers who didn't speak to me and were cliquey, than if I was working in a quiet environment where there are very few workers and we're all working by ourselves nowhere near each other. If you know what I mean.

There is nothing to explain here.

I've been living alone for over three years now. I'm not lonely. I enjoy being able to make my plans and not having to worry about whether anyone will object to how I do things.