One of my Special interests has taken over

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They are amazing.

Thank you

You know, what's interesting is that the model was finished about 2 days early. So, now I'm kinda lost. My time was planned out and now I don't know what to do with myself. I could sand and buff it, but I'm almost afraid to touch it now. Better to have a few surface flaws than to ruin it, and just do better next time. Each one is a learning experience.

So, I'm caught between doing about 3 things and none of them are the things I need to get done. Right now, I am trying to do one important thing a day. But for now, I'm sorta floundering aimlessly.

That must be annoying

I really don't know how to describe it. It's like a hole in me until I can get something else going. Not enough days before holiday to get in depth into anything else. No work coming in at the moment. But, at least it will be until Saturday afternoon before I truly have to leave the house.

So, the lack of 'special interest' didn't happen. Shortly after posting that last message, I dug out an old project (from about 2 years ago, a kit bash of about 4 different models and various spare parts) and started to finish it out. It was one of those that I started and let lay low until it let me know it was ready to come out and play. And, it did. Not only have I been working on it, but I just finished packing it up to take with me to my folks house to work on. Now, this has been going on for almost a month. I'm hoping that the time away, small town and really just family, I'll be able to decompress. Maybe then I can take care of a few things, like, you know.....pay those pesky bills.....

It was mentioned before that with the models, at least it is complete. The model is complete, but the collection of models is still waiting to get done. So, that will never end. For instance, I just purchased the Star Trek Reboot version of the Enterprise. NOW, with the new movie coming out, the Enterprise is destroyed (It's in the trailer, so no spoilers) and I will have to buy a new one when the next one comes out, and they release one at the size I like to build. All of my Enterprise models (Original, Movie version from the second movie, Enterprise from the TV show about 10 or so years ago and now this one) are about 33 inches in length.

Uggghhhhh...Almost all of my special interests cost money!!

Oh! And to top it off, I was sitting in the studio room, looking at the model, planning the next steps and my wife called out to me. She asked who I was on the phone with. Apparently, she heard me talking to myself like I was on the phone. So, it seems I was vocalizing again without realizing it. It seems to happen only when I'm in that trance I can get into when I am really concentrating on things and the world just goes away.

Its good that you have found something else to do, rather than worry.

Okay, now in a very much more calm environment. Out of the city and it has made a difference. I'm not feeling compulsive about finishing the work like before. I did bring out the model I was working on with me. But, it's been a big difference about how I am feeling about it. It's not the same level of obsession.
But, here;s a beauty shot of the Batmobile outside in natural lighting.

First off let me say I struggle with communication as well. I have to rehearse or script things. I typed this post about 10 times until I felt the words were arranged just right. I also talk to myself quite a bit (as you mentioned earlier in this thread) to rehearse important conversations I'm going to have. I've been doing that as long as I can recall.

Pre-diagnosis I did struggle with my identity in many ways. Like you, I thought I was lazy or just a dabbler. My family and teachers kept telling me how smart and "gifted" I was but I could not stay focused on an interest for more than a few months at a time. That was confusing. Most of my classes in high school bored me. I didn't really do well in my studies until I reached college. Hearing the message that I was smart but not living up to expectations I think was the source of a lot of my anxiety and depression.

I've always thought of myself as fairly laid back as well. I do struggle, though, with simple things, come to think of it, which can give me fits. I'll give you an example. We had to switch health insurance recently. They discontinued our plan which we had for years. I went to work researching new plans. I learned all the ins and outs. I memorized deductibles, co-pays, out-of-pocket maximums, which doctors were in-network, which were out-of network, etc. I quickly became an expert on all the new policies. I new exactly what we needed. However, picking up the phone and calling our agent was a struggle. It took me about 20 minutes of rehearsing what I was going to say to make the call. I also got bored filling out the application. I had to force myself through that process.

I like the term 'lifelexia' by the way.

Before I address the individual things below, I feel like Joey talking to Chandler, "We're bracelet buddies!!" Actually I've never been on a forum or anywhere else that I can identify with any other human being. And, I'm not a forum guy at all.

Im glad that you feel more at peace now that you are out of the city. I tend to find that when I have things to do, I think less of my interest, but when I dont, I start obsessing.