How do I handle my loneliness?

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I don't think you should ask for sex... just hang out with her. Cuddles are probably fine but I personally hate when a guy starts to expect sex. Then I don't like them anymore. Like, just because I'm a girl. :/

I guess she'll feel used if I have sex with her, so cuddling should be enough. I crave affection and if she agrees to give that to me I'll be relieved of my loneliness for a while.

Exactly. And it shows you respect her and value her more than just her body, think it would be best for you that way too because she could become a close friend of yours for real rather than just someone to mess about with if you see what I mean.

You can have friends, but not with an "I can't" attitude, you have to believe it's possible, you have to fight for it.



That's why someone created dentures, but even a toothless man can scoff down a bowl of soup!



Who says you're not worthy? And how do they even know what makes a man worthy?

This sounds too much like self-doubt to me, you need to reach deep inside of yourself and grab the you with, give a a great big shake and tell him, that You Are Worthy! Do it! Do it now!.



Yes! This is a good step in the right direction. Take away the "if" and "might" and it could have been something that I would have said. This is the mindset you need to set yourself, go out into the world and conquer it!

In highschool she said I'm handsome and asked to hold hands with me, but I was embarrassed so I just hugged her instead.

Anyone who refers to themselves as an alpha or beta male I want no business with. Wtf have you been reading? It's tripe. You are YOU.

And mainly, you're horrible self-esteem will not, CANNOT be changed by another, friend, casual girlfriend or soulmate. It must come from you.

I've tanked my best relationship by having poor self-esteem.

Your personal pride, acceptance of yourself, etc, are all things you should be working on.

Supports are good though. Your parents or siblings maybe? Maybe this girl who will cuddle with you? You must strength from yourself, somewhere.

That's not an oops, I think hugs are higher up on the intimacy scale than hand-holding personally

It sucks that I can't connect with other aspies here, they are all into Pokemon and fantasy and I'm not. I have nothing in common with anybody else.
Anyway, I wish I had started being friends with that girl in high school.

It seems to me that you are stuck in a negative loop.

This will take effort on your part to break, you will have to try new things, even if only to find out that they don't suit you after all.

Some of what you write is indicative of depression, I'm not try to bring you down, but depression, like stress, is insidious and can grow on you without you noticing the accumulation. You may want to consider discussing this with a doctor.

I have no self esteem and I'm at risk of developing depression. Don't get me started on therapists, they are of no use to me. The only therapy I need is cuddling.

I agree with caverneo.

Actually what will help is if you see things in a different perspective. It's easier to remain thinking of yourself as not worth anything but you can change that. You got nothing to lose. You'll get the same as you have now or better.

I think you must start by doing smaller things that you think you would find difficult to do and then overcome them. In my case I knew I could not make friends until I could say hello to people, little things like that. Even if it seems silly it's best to start small.

Though you can only improve if you want to. A therapists job is supposed to be to help the client make decisions and set tasks but try cannot make a person change their mindset if the don't want too.

I went to several therapists and tried to be cooperative. They kept saying I should just go out there and socialize, so it's clear to me they don't understand the aspie mind. I followed Internet instructions on how to socialize. I was patient, kept trying, tried to do baby steps...but the harder I tried the more people hated me. It's no wonder my self worth is non existent, I have nothing to show for my useless existence.

You had really rubbish therapists I think.

Hmm. I'm used to not having friends so I'm not so bothered but I can socialise if I have a reason.

Perhaps you can make up some sort of game in your mind. That's how I do. I'm kinda like an actress. Lol

Solo activities barely interest me anymore. I want someone to share activities with but it seems that nobody cares about me and if I died only my family would shed tears. Such a painful existence. If I believed in God I would be quite angry with him for putting me in this world where I have no business, but thankfully I'm a an atheist so I have nobody to blame.
I'm tired of talking to myself all day. It's a common form of stim among aspies, but when NTs see me doing it they are quick to judge and they think I'm a nut or something.

Two thoughts for you--on loneliness and hugs:

Loneliness: I have gone through times in my life when I am surrounded by people...and still very lonely. I think it is hard-wired in our aspie brains. I read through the rest of the thread since i posted earlier and i agree that you seem stuck in a negative spiral. I have been there and it is hard to come out of. Right now i have no friends i see often except my family. I love my family dearly but desperately want someone to connect with outside of family at times. Family is almost too close--they see you with all your aspie warts--and mine still loves me, which can be good but also can epitomize the saying "we hurt the ones we love." Because we are all so close, we do and say things that hurt without meaning to.

on hugs: I also looked at your "cuddling" posts--i know this may sound silly coming from a 30-something lady but i can understand as i too sometimes desperately crave hugs. It is a sensory thing as much as a wish for connection with people. I have people in my life who hug me from time to time and the best hugs for sensory purposes are the nonsexual "bear hugs." (hopefully my hubby is not insulted by this. ) I know exactly who in my family and friends gives the best hugs and who gives hugs that are nice but do not work for the sensory issues. (i don't tell anyone which is which, though--don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Even a quick squeeze is still a hug when you are craving one.)

My youngest child who has ASD craves the sensation of being hugged but as he gets older he does not hug people as much as he folds himself in couch pillows or under blankets for the sensation of being squeezed. He still likes his hugs but is more reserved about giving them and getting them. Not sure why--maybe more socially aware by now? We got him a weighted blanket for Christmas which i think he will love--he has one at school but cannot bring it home. The one at school does him a lot of good.

I know that suggesting a weighted blanket to help with sensory issues is nowhere near as good as having a good friend to hug...but could it help with a sensory thing for you at least? Just a thought.

Hey Kyle,

Are you actually in Estonia?

If so, your English is quite good.

I have spoken to one other person from Estonia while I've been on WrongPlanet.

One thing about Estonia: There's lots of great architecture there.